


may my soul be found

by colorfullysarah



Series: fall into the stars (there lies my soul) [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bonding, Bones very much freaks out when he realizes, Canon Temporary Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mind Meld, Multi, Polyamory, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tarsus IV, one of his soulmates is Vulcan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-11-23 15:00:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 74,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11404827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colorfullysarah/pseuds/colorfullysarah
Summary: For most of Leonard McCoy's life, he was sure he only had one soulmate, just like almost everyone else. He was fourteen when that went to hell in a handbasket when he woke up with a bruise on his eye that was most definitely green and not red like all the others. And there's only one alien species that he was aware of that had green blood -Vulcans.So apparently he had two soulmates, one who was very much human like himself and another that was not. As if it wasn't already going to be hard enough findingonesoulmate, life had to throw in a second one on an entirely different planet into the mix.---Soulmates AU where you get superficial marks and bruises on your skin in the same place your soulmate is hurt.ON HIATUS





	1. Youth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just start by saying I LOVE SOULMATE AUS!
> 
> They're my guilty pleasure and I just I can't help it okay. I'm sure this particular variation of a soulmate au has been done already but ever since I start writing Trek fanfiction again my brain just can't stop with all the ideas so have this one. I only intended for this to be a one-shot and it kind of got away from me...haha so buckle up for a wild ride cause we're going all the way from childhoods to Beyond kids.
> 
> Bones, Jim and Spock will all have their own POVs in the story, but I didn't want the summary to be a million years long so I just stuck with Bones' POV for it.
> 
> All warnings apply to Jim's POV where they are mostly implied but there is one graphic scene in there. So be safe, please!!
> 
> I hope you enjoy! <3

◎

 

He was nearly eight years old when the first bruise showed up that wasn't his own, it bloomed across his knee and there was no pain and he rushed up to his parents in excitement. They smiled down at him with joy because sometimes people don’t ever find marks on themselves that aren’t their own, sometimes people don’t have soulmates at all and Leo never wanted that to be him. Not when he saw the way his parents looked at each other whenever one of them accidentally bumped into the edge of the kitchen counter or table and matching bruises formed against their hips. It was fond exasperation that led to gentle touches of the new mark that made Leo want a soulmate of his own so desperately.

It wasn’t until he was ten years old that he learned the uglier side to the marks. Of course, he heard stories, where someone loses their soulmate to a horrible accident and the marks are so vivid that some people swear they can feel the pain behind them. Those marks never completely fade and the person left behind is stuck with the reminders of how their loved one was taken away from them.

Leo knew something was wrong the moment he walked into his house. It was too quiet and his dad was home too early. Normally he worked until it was almost dinner time, which his ma grumbled about nearly every day. He found his dad sitting at the kitchen table, his face buried in his hands as he wept. Horrible, wretched sounds that pressed fear onto Leo’s heart.

As if he was approaching a skittish animal, he walked into the kitchen slowly and it didn’t take long for Leo to see the harsh, ugly bruises that marred nearly his whole body. They looked like an abstract painting across his daddy’s pale skin and he didn’t want to know what happened but found he couldn’t help but ask anyway.

“She’s gone Leo, I’m so sorry but your mama is gone, and she is never comin’ back.”

He was ten years old when he decided that having a soulmate was a curse. His dad was a doctor and must have known the moment the marks appeared that his wife likely wouldn’t survive the injuries she sustained. Leo wanted to be a doctor just like him which meant he would know too.

Nothing is the same after his ma’s death, the house became too big and too quiet and eventually, his dad hauled them into the city for a few years just to escape. Leo couldn’t find it in him to complain and gradually adjusted to the hustle and bustle of a big city. 

It was in the city that he met a girl named Jocelyn, she was pretty and he was thirteen and finally realized holding hands and kissing someone wouldn't give him cooties. He paid close attention to her arms, hoped to see his own bruises bloom across her skin because she was just _so_ pretty and wouldn't it have been great if she was his soulmate? Before he could find out his dad moved them back to their old home, saying he missed seeing the presence of his ma around the house, her little touches that made it feel like home. As they packed up their things, Jocelyn was sad and Leo swore up and down that he would visit her as often as he could. 

When he was on the cusp of his fourteenth birthday, he asked his dad how he knew his ma was his soulmate because he hadn’t met his yet and how was he going to find them if all he has to go by are marks from their bruises and cuts?

Leo half expected his dad to tell him he couldn’t tell the story, couldn’t explain the joy he felt when he realized Elizabeth Beaumont was the person he was meant to spend his life with. But his dad just patted the spot next to him on their couch and he sat down eagerly, eyes wide with anticipation.

What he heard wasn’t what he expected. It took them weeks to piece together what they were and in the end, it all came down to a rather nasty paper cut. Leo knew of course that paper books and paper, in general, weren’t used often. They had decided to study together in the school’s library for their upcoming semester finals. His dad had been in a History of Medicine class and pulled down a rather large book from the 21st century, the book slipped and the weathered pages sliced his palm. When he sat back down at the table him and his ma had commandeered, holding his palm and hissing through the pain she looked up. It was large enough that she caught the thin, ugly mark against her own palm. 

At that point, they couldn’t chalk up the bruises and their marks on the other’s skin as coincidences any longer. “Sometimes you meet your soulmate and spend a lot of your life not realizing that they are. Sometimes you never get to meet them at all,” he finished.

Yet another reason Leo thought having a soulmate was a curse. What was the point of seeing all the small pains and larger hurts if he couldn’t use them to actually find said soulmate? It seemed stupid really, but no one could explain why the marks happened or how to use them to speed up the process. They just were.

He was fourteen when he was given another reason to grumble over the marks on his skin instead of soar with delight. All the marks that appeared on his skin before that morning were normal looking ones, like the bruises that formed on his skin whenever he tripped on the playground or slammed his hand in the door on accident - harsh reds and purples. But as he got ready for school two months after his birthday he looked up and saw a green cut on his lip and a vivid green and yellow mark on his eye.

Leo made a split second decision to stay home from school that day, because _what the hell_. His dad had already left for work that morning and so he just sent a quick message as he settled in front of the family computer. As he typed away he watched an angry red mark appear against his wrist and he felt rage swell within his soul when he yet again noticed the mark looked like a hand.

It took him all of ten minutes to find out sometimes people had more than one soulmate, which made Leo curse out loud. As he dug a little deeper he found it wasn’t all that common and it was even more rare with humans. In fact, the last _known_ case of a human having more than one soulmate had been three hundred years ago. Great, just great.

His next search took him even less time because he already had a feeling, already knew deep down, but he had to make absolutely sure. Really the search was pointless because there were only one alien species that he knew of that had green blood - _Vulcans_.

Why in the Sam hell did the universe think he’d be a perfect fit for a walking computer?

As if it wasn’t going to be hard enough finding _one_ soulmate who he assumed lived on Earth, finding a second one who was on an entirely different _planet_ in a different solar system was just damn impossible. And how long has he had this second soulmate? Had it been his whole life? He couldn’t imagine Vulcans wound up getting hurt all that often, they were much too _logical_ for all of that.

So what had prompted his other, very Vulcan soulmate to get punched in the face?

Leo tried to push those thoughts to the back of his mind; there wasn’t anything he could do while he was on Earth just like there wasn’t anything he could do about the other human marks that flared on his skin that could only point towards one thing. Anger that couldn’t be put to good use would only make him miserable, all he could do was pray that his soulmates were able to take care of themselves until Leo barrelled into their lives and could do it for them.

There was no use in hiding the new mark from his dad when he got home that day and immediately his dad’s eyebrows raised so high Leo could’ve sworn they would disappear into his dad’s hairline. They may have lived in a small town in Georgia, but his dad had to take classes on alien biology and anatomy like every other doctor and Leo watched as everything clicked into place.

He had expected sympathy from his old man, but instead, he looked relieved. “Oh Leonard, you are very lucky.”

It didn’t feel like luck to him. He didn’t want to experience losing two soulmates when apparently losing one was already painful enough. But he kept his mouth shut because he wasn’t about to open old wounds and see his dad drown himself in work until the pain faded away enough that he could function.

His life fell into a routine after that day, at least for a little while, he studied hard in school so he could get into Ole Miss to study pre-med just like his dad and he watched for any more green marks against his skin, they never came and he was almost convinced that he had imagined the whole thing if he dad hadn’t asked about his Vulcan soulmate every once in awhile like it was the most natural thing in the world. Which he guessed it kind of was because as far as the Federation could figure, all Federation citizens experienced the same phenomenon.

He was twenty when his routine went to hell. For the last year, he hardly had any marks bloom across his skin from either of his soulmates, which made him hope that things were finally settling for both of them that he didn’t have to worry as much about being too far away to patch either of them up if the marks grew worse. But all that changed when he woke up for class one day and saw harsh marks littered across his back as if he had been whipped or shoved against a wall that was anything but smooth.

Panic flared quickly and Leo had to grab onto the edges of the sink to keep himself upright. Another quick glance at the marks told him nothing that had been inflicted on his first soulmate was going to kill him which barely allowed him to breathe a little easier. Maybe they got into a fight, maybe the fell down the stairs, _anything_ but being whipped.

His false hope that nothing was seriously wrong went down the drain when he actually felt pain on his left forearm. With wide eyes, he watched as the word  _help_ appeared raggedly against his skin and he had to quickly excuse himself from class so that he could throw up in some bushes.

This was why having a soulmate, let alone _soulmates_ was nothing but a curse. Leo was utterly helpless to actually do anything but his first soulmate had been desperate enough to purposely cut themselves so that maybe he could do something for them. But he didn’t know who they were or where they were and the second wave of helplessness washed over him as he dry-heaved.

Jocelyn found him and he looked up at her with wet eyes and she seemed to just know without him ever having to breathe a word. And as she held him he decided that having soulmates wasn’t for him, not when he couldn’t actually touch either of them, couldn’t comfort them or keep them safe.

When the marks appeared on his hips and thighs days later Leo knew what they meant and he didn’t push Jocelyn away when she kissed him, he needed to find shelter in her embrace because she was safe, she was here and he could protect her. She made no comment on the fading word on his arm, didn’t once let her gaze linger on the marks that littered his hips and thighs even though she knew she hadn’t been the one to put them there. Both of them pointedly ignored their marks and that they didn’t match because it was easier that way for them both.

Leo never asked Jocelyn why she wanted to ignore her soul marks and she never asked him either. It was a silent agreement on their parts and he never mentioned to her how he wept alone in his room when the marks on his skin grew more violent with each passing week. For three months he was sure he was going to lose one soulmate without ever getting to meet them until gradually the bruises faded and were replaced with ones he had grown used to for most of his life. They never lingered, never scarred the way his daddy's marks did from the day his ma died.

He wondered if his other soulmate found the same marks stretched across their skin the same way he had and abruptly he realized that maybe both of his soulmates only saw his marks and not each others. It seemed unlikely since all previously documented cases where someone had two or more soulmates they all saw each other’s bruises.

Jocelyn never asked why he cried in relief when it seemed the trauma was over and he found he loved her for it, said as much as he kissed his way down her neck and collarbone that every night. She whispered it back against the nape of his neck and three and a half years later when he was twenty-four he asked her to marry him.

His dad didn’t approve, didn’t think it was right and it had ended in the worst argument of his life. But he showed up at the wedding eight months later anyway.

Life was good for a while, two years of marital bliss nearly made him forget about the trauma of his first soulmate and almost entirely about his second but once again everything crashed down around him when he was twenty-seven. It’d been seventeen years since he lost his ma and when his dad told him he was terminally ill, well he wasn’t about to accept that. He locked himself away in research labs, slaved over finding his dad a cure because dammit he couldn’t lose him too. Couldn’t see the light fade out of his eyes when there was something he could actually do about it. Jocelyn didn’t understand, could never understand because her parents were happy, alive and well and the nights he didn’t come home he woke to several nasty messages on his PADD.

Nothing was enough, no amount of time and energy he put into saving his dad worked because one quiet afternoon his dad asked him to do the one thing he had tried to ignore. Had asked him to ease him into death peacefully instead of painfully like the disease would do in only a few short weeks.

“You need to live your life Leo and what you’re doin’ isn’t livin’,” his dad said when he refused to comply for the sixth time. And the way his dad’s voice cracked on the last word made him want to vomit because his daddy sounded so tiny and frail and desperate. “I want to see your ma again. I’m sorry I can’t stay with you longer, but…” he never finished as coughed ravished his already weak body.

Leo tried for two more weeks, he didn’t sleep but the required amount that his body needed and didn’t step foot into his and Jocelyn’s apartment the entire time. She never came by to see if he was okay. The messages on his PADD stopped altogether.

“Leo please,” his father begged and it was when he finally saw the pain that he knew he couldn’t deny his dad any longer. So he numbly nodded as he loaded up the hypospray with a dosage that was far too high for a man his father’s size. The steady hands that were praised throughout his years at school and during his residency shook. His dad smiled up at him and squeezed his other hand, “It’ll be okay. I love you so much Leo and I’m so proud of you. Promise me one thing before?”

He nodded without any real thought though he knew he’d promise his dad just about anything right now. “Promise me you’ll find them,” his dad whispered.

With jerky movements, he snapped his gaze up and only found his dad staring at him kindly. It was hard, but he managed to swallow past the lump in his throat before he said, “I will, I promise I will.”

The divorce papers came the day before his dad’s funeral and he punched the mirror when the anger became too much to contain. No pain filtered through his mind even though he knew it was there behind the haze of anger. Idly he wondered what his soulmates would think of the mangled marks on their knuckles and hand before he patched himself up.

It took six months for the lawyers to sort out everything and in the end, he didn’t care enough to fight Jocelyn on anything she wanted. Her sharp, calculated words had already ruined his practice with patients all but running away from the doctor who couldn’t make his wife happy, who married someone that wasn’t his soulmate. It was ridiculous and only proved bigotry continued to run deep in the South. So he did his own running to the one place no one would think to search for him if Jocelyn decided what he gave her wasn’t enough - Starfleet.

The recruiter told him to be in some bumfuck town in Iowa so that he could catch the next Starfleet shuttle into San Francisco and he did as he was told as if he was on autopilot which if he was honest with himself he pretty much was. Too much thinking led to thoughts of watching his dad die, of someone finding a cure only two weeks after the funeral and of Jocelyn’s angry expression pinning him down from across the mediation table. All things he didn’t want to dwell on.

On the day he was supposed to board the shuttle he woke up to marks on his face and he wondered what the fuck his first soulmate was thinking getting into a fight the day he had to look somewhat presentable. The moment he stepped foot onto the shuttle, however, the annoyance was quickly replaced by bone-crushing fear. He was not nearly drunk enough for this and promptly shut himself in the bathroom. Maybe he could get away with staying in here the entire time, but when a stern voice ordered him to leave he knew that wouldn’t be the case.

Nervous and slightly drunk ranting fell from his lips, he knew it was pointless and when the woman ordered him to sit down he did begrudgingly.

If he hadn’t been so afraid Leo would have laughed hysterically right then and there, probably been declared insane and unfit to enlist and shipped back to the hell hole Georgia had become. He _would_ sit next to his first soulmate at the lowest point in his life. _Of course,_ he would find them when he wasn’t actively looking and didn’t believe he ever would because sure enough as he turned to tell the kid next to him he may throw up on him, he noticed the bruises on the kids face, the same ones that marked his own.

The words died on his tongue and Leo just stared. The kid stared back, wide-eyed back and fuck he looked like a mess too, which was just great, just his luck really that his first soulmate was equally a human disaster. “ _You_ ,” the kid breathed before his gaze quickly flickered down to Leo’s right hand, the one he had used to punch a mirror only a few months ago and if the bruises didn’t clear out whatever doubts he may have had, that quick, barely there look did.

“Fuck,” was the only response Leo gave as the shuttle lurched beneath them.

 

◎

 

He was far too young when he decided he never wanted to meet his soulmate, not when he saw his mom’s skin littered with reminders of his dad’s death. Not when Sammy told him their mom used to be vibrant and lively and loving and now she wasn’t. It wasn’t until he was five years old that he started to realize some of the marks on his skin belonged to _them._

He scrubbed dirt on the mark while he was on the playground at school so that he wouldn’t have to see and he never breathed a word of his new discovery when his brother picked him up later that day. Sammy loved his marks even though he saw what they did to their mom and maybe that was because he started getting them before their dad died. Not Jim, no he never got to see the affectionate gazes his parents used to give each other full of fond exasperation whenever one of them got hurt. Sammy told him it usually happened whenever their mom accidentally hurt herself fixing up starship engines and his dad would know when it happened all the way up on the ship’s bridge.

It didn’t take long before he was utterly bored in school and he couldn’t understand why none of the other kids could understand basic addition and subtraction. The boredom boiled over on more than one occasion and he looked defiantly at his mom whenever she had to come pick him up.

“I’m sorry Jimmy they don’t have a way to challenge that genius mind of yours here,” she said quietly in the hover car. “I’ll try to find some things you can occupy yourself with.”

He knew it was a half-assed solution even at six years old, but at least his mom had tried to do something. Six months later though after he turned seven, she left him and Sammy in Riverside while she flew into the black, far away from either of them. His brother was pissed and Jim couldn’t really blame him, the last time he watched their mom fly up into space it was with their dad and she came back alone.

Uncle Frank was alright at first he guessed. The older man wasn’t his mom but he mostly left them to their own devices and when the two months came to an end and they were supposed to go back to living with their mom he was relieved.

But then two months became three and then six and it was clear that his mom didn’t plan on coming back to Riverside anytime soon. All she had sent him was a half-hearted apology about how her assignment was extended and she wouldn’t be back for two more years. Sammy lost it when he read the message on his PADD, threw the device across their shared room and yelled until his voice grew hoarse. He just watched because he never felt the love of their mom the same way Sammy had, he was too smart for his own good because he knew he was a walking reminder of what they both had lost.

When it became clear that he had to take care of two kids who weren’t his own Uncle Frank changed. Though Jim suspected later on that his uncle was always a mean bastard beneath it all but didn’t want to touch his sister’s kids and leave bruises on their skin that she would see when she collected them.

Now? Now there was nothing to stop his uncle’s true colors from showing and all he could do was try and minimize the pain that was inflicted upon him. Sammy tried to help at first, even though they weren’t close because his brother always looked at him like he was the reason their family had fallen apart, but eventually, their uncle realized and hit Sammy twice as hard for it. So Sammy eventually stopped and he couldn’t really find it in himself to resent his brother for it. At least if he let Frank hit him he wouldn’t make things worse for Sammy.

It was when he was eight years old when his world became all the more complicated. He woke up, took a shower and as he stared into the mirror he realized there were green marks on his skin. Not the familiar and scattered red and purple marks he tried to cover up. His toothbrush clattered into the sink as his brain processed this new mark and what it meant - he had two soulmates.

There was no way that he could cover up the marks like the others, no way to hide that he, James T. Kirk had a soulmate somewhere out there in the universe. So when he went downstairs it was just his luck that Frank actually decided to sober up enough to go to work for once and the moment he saw the green marks on his lip and eye he sneered.

“Well, well look what we have here,” he spat and Jim really and truly tried not to flinch when Frank grabbed his arm and yanked hard but he couldn’t help it.

Reactions always made things worse and he slammed his eyes shut for the next blow, but nothing came. “They won’t love you, Jimmy, they won’t be able to love a pathetic excuse of a human like you.” Normally Frank’s words didn’t affect him, but he jerked his arm from Frank’s grip and stared up at him wide-eyed and fuck if the words didn’t sting.

It wasn’t until he was at school that he allowed himself to look up which alien species had green blood. It was a short search and as he stared at the word Vulcan on the computer screen he wasn’t sure how to feel. He had two soulmates, _two_ , which didn’t seem to happen all that often and one was on the same planet as himself but the other? The other was in a completely different solar system. If that wasn’t enough proof that he didn’t want nor deserve a soulmate, let alone _soulmates_ then he didn’t know what would be. The universe seemed to enjoy creating agony in his life in such a short amount of time.

His classmates oohed and awed at his marks, asked if he knew what planet his soulmate was from and seemed almost jealous that his soulmate wasn’t human like theirs. He never breathed a word that this wasn’t his first soul mark and that the others had belonged to a human.

Eventually, he learned how to live with Frank and when his tenth birthday came and went it was clear to both him and Sammy that their mom didn’t plan on ever coming back from them. This knowledge only fueled the anger the boiled deep down inside his brother and there was nothing he could do to stop the inevitable explosion.

So when he was thirteen and Sammy said he couldn’t stay in the house, couldn’t be a Kirk here and left him with the monster that was their uncle, Jim couldn’t really find it in himself to be angry. His brother was just another person who abandoned him, another person who didn’t want him, who didn’t think he was worthy enough to stick around for. Instead the ache in his soul grew worse and he made a rash decision when the keys to his dad’s classic car fell into his lap. Well, if he wasn’t worthy enough to stick around for or to not get slapped around then he would stop being such a good kid.

The wind stung his face as he pushed the car faster and faster down the empty Riverside roads. Corn flashed by him in a yellow and green blur that on reminded him of his second soulmate and when he saw Sammy on the side of the road he waved but didn’t stop. His brother wouldn’t have stopped for him if they had swapped places, so why should he?

It felt good to scream as he blasted the music over the modern day stereo system and he ignored the police officer that ordered him to pull over. He laughed because yeah right like that was going to happen, nothing mattered anymore anyway. He pushed the gas pedal all the way down to the ground as the quarry came into his view.

For a heart-stopping moment, he was sure he wouldn’t jump out of the car, but self-preservation kicked in right at the last moment and he scrambled to keep a grip on the edge of the quarry’s cliff as the car fell to its fiery death. In the back of his mind, he wondered what he soulmates would think about the harsh bruise that formed across his ribs from the impact.

He wasn’t really surprised when Frank sent him away, too angry to even lay a hand on him as he threw down a suitcase of his things down the stairs. “Off to Tarsus you go you piece of shit, I’ll let you be your aunt’s problem now.”

When he arrived, Tarsus IV wasn’t too terribly different from Riverside, the sky was a weird shade of blue and the crops were a weird hybrid between corn and wheat but it was calm and his dad’s sister was nothing like Frank. He wondered why his mom hadn’t dumped him and Sammy here in the first place. Eventually, his life was alright, not perfect by a long shot, but gradually he stopped flinching when he heard the front door open and close at the end of the day. His aunt tried her hardest to undo the damage Frank inflicted upon his psyche and it may have worked if all hell hadn’t erupted on the colony a little over a year after he arrived.

Reports arrived one after another of failing crops, of a white fungus that destroyed any kind of food in its path and a month after the first one the colonists were in a panic. His aunt did her best to hide her worry and stocked up on much food as she could. They were weeks out from any Starfleet help, that much he knew from his long trip to the colony in the first place.

“Stay close to me,” she breathed to him quietly as they made their way into the massive square in the main encampment. He ignored the way his heart hammered against his ribs, something wasn’t right there were too many people packed in the square and there were too many guards with phasers out of the holsters for the gathering to be anything good.

“- I, Governor Kodos, hereby order your executions so that they colony may survive.”

In the chaos that ensued over the next several minutes, he was separated from his aunt and he tried his hardest to keep the panic at bay but he was only fourteen and he knew the odds of his survival were low. He managed to escape the square but only hours later guards found him as he hid and waited for his aunt to find him so they could run away to the caves they had discovered a few months prior.

Jim had expected to be killed on the spot, but instead was dragged into the square and tied against a wooden pole. His arms were stretched so far above his head that he had to take shallow breaths so he didn’t pull his shoulders out of their sockets, his chest rubbed against the wood uncomfortably and it was only when he heard others struggling beside him did he lift his head. Bile rose in his throat when he saw other children next to him, eyes wide with terror and the youngest couldn’t be older than five years old. _Five_. That was when the whipping began. He had been the first to arrive and he would be the first example broadcasted across the entire colony. Kodos stood in his tower and ordered over and over again for Jim and the others to be hit, to draw their families into the square so they could be killed. Once that happened, he knew they would be next.

It wasn’t until nightfall that he had the energy to stir again, his back was on fire and shoulders were numb from being extended above his head for so long. “Shh Jimmy, it’ll be okay,” his aunt’s words flooded his eyes with tears and he couldn’t stop them from falling onto his cheeks.

Her hand was a pleasant pressure at the back of his head as she unknotted the rope that bound his wrists together. “I need you to take the other children and run to our caves alright? I managed to get you some things to help you all at first, but you need to make sure you get more, I don’t think help will come for a while. I’m so sorry,” her words washed over him and it was a miracle he could even register them at all.

When she doesn’t show up at the caves two days later, he knew that his aunt was dead along with the other adults who had freed them from their deaths. He didn’t cry, couldn’t allow himself to break down when he had fifteen kids who looked at him for guidance, for protection. Their wounds were still raw and ragged, but there had been enough hypos to go around to make sure none of them fell to infection. He wondered though if it was worth it because he had no idea if dying of starvation would be worse. It didn’t take long for the supplies to run dry and he knew he’d have to run out and find more food.

The obvious place was to go back to the main encampment, with Kodos there Jim knew there would be plenty of food, enough food that they could all survive and then some until Starfleet arrived. Anger flooded his veins at the thought and he knew what he had to do.

“Kev,” he whispered, “I need you to watch over everyone. Can you do that for me?”

The little boy nodded up at him and he hated leaving such a responsibility on his shoulders, but the older kids could hardly move at the moment, their shoulders still healing from being dislocated. Jim was just thankful his hadn’t been pulled from their sockets.

He didn’t get very close to the encampment when he came across guards, ones who looked stuffed and relaxed despite the famine and chaos around them. They sneered down at him and must have seen the desperation in his eyes, must’ve known what he needed and that he would do anything to get those supplies. “We’ll make a deal with you,” the tallest one purred.

As their hands raked over his body, pulled away his ragged and dirty clothes he tried not to think about what they were doing, tried to push his mind out of his body so he wouldn’t have to be aware, wouldn’t have to feel the pain. But as was the story of his life Jim didn’t have that kind of luck and as the first guard pushed into him he was consumed by white hot pain and he screamed. They got a kick off his screaming so their touches grew firmer and left bruises in their wake. It was the sight of them after everything was over along with a bag full of food to last him and the others another week that made him throw up halfway back to the caves. His soulmates would see, they would know what he’d done and how he was nothing but disgusting, used human being. They would never want him now.

He didn’t realize what he did until after it was over. It wasn’t until after the rock fell from his fingers that his eyes focused long enough to see the word _help_ etched into his arm as if his soulmates would read the word and come save him.

The fear slammed into him then, followed closely by tears and he knew then that he probably would never get to meet his soulmates, to learn their names, to see their faces and touch their marks so that he could feel their love and affection for himself. He didn’t realize how badly he wanted to be with them until his death loomed over his head and even if he did survive he was ruined.

It took three months for Starfleet to arrive and while he waited for them to swoop down and knock Kodos from his tower, he had to bury five of his kids. Jim knew it could have been worse but each shallow grave he dug was like he scraped the very essence of his soul and buried pieces of it with them until there was nothing left. They take his kids away from him, send them to family members who could never understand their horrors, or to new families who had no familiarity for his kids to draw from. He yelled and shouted and fought against his restraints for them, he would take them all, he would care for them because he did for three hellish months.

When they were all gone, he was empty. His eyes listlessly gazed up at the ceiling of the starships Medbay and when his mother picked him up as soon as they arrived at Earth he lost it. Sammy was long gone, off at college somewhere overseas and she would leave him soon enough. “I won’t go back to Frank,” he snarled at her when he noticed her things slowly were packed away.

He was nearly sixteen and broken and it was all her fault.

“I’m so sorry Jim,” she whispered as she left two days later. Frank never came knocking on the door and Sammy never called to see if he’d be alright. He was alone again and he learned in that moment he always would be.

Eight years blurred together for him, he finished school six months after his mother left and became reckless in his pursuit to never feel dirty, used and discarded ever again. Instead, _he_ discarded whoever tried to worm their way into his heart, past his confident and arrogant exterior.

He was twenty-one when he was reminded of his soulmates. Marks bloomed across his right hand as if his soulmate had punched a wall or glass and as he looked closely at the marks he felt his heart tug painfully. What the fuck would make his one of his two very sensible and unbroken soulmates lose their temper like that? He was supposed to be the damaged one between the three of them and a protectiveness he didn’t realize he possessed came over him because the marks could only mean someone had hurt his soulmate.

Six months later he found himself in his usual bar surrounded by Starfleet cadets, he quickly shoved memories far, far back into the recess of his mind as he grinned at one particularly beautiful cadet. It was harmless flirting really because he just knew she wasn’t one of his soulmates, she was far too sensible to ever punch glass out of anger. The fight that followed the harmless flirting was the kind he reveled in, the kind that made him forget just how shitty his life was and how ruined he had become.

Later, Pike would believe it was his dare that made Jim join, but really deep down he was just tired. Tired of the town who only looked at him and saw his father, the town the liked to remind him that his mom and brother left him behind. He was just tired of the reminders and Starfleet would hopefully replace those reminders. At least there he could prove he was more than the two people who gave him life.

Ranting pulled him from his thoughts and he looked up to see who the hell was making such a fuss over a goddamn shuttle ride, but everything he knew splintered the moment the man sat down beside him and turned to say something. The bruises that still throbbed around his eye and cheek were marked on the man’s face. “ _You_ ,” he breathed in shock because really what were the fucking odds? His eyes flickered down to the man’s right hand and his gaze didn’t go unnoticed.

“Fuck,” was the only response he got as the shuttle lurched and flew into the air.

Jim steadfastly refused to look at the man because he _knew_ , knew all the darkest parts of his soul, saw them bloom across his skin. There was no way the man wouldn’t remember because from what he could see his soulmate was at least five years older than him.

His body craved to lean against his soulmate, desperate for contact that supposedly soothed both the physical and emotional hurts. “This is not how I wanted to meet you,” his soulmate growled next to him, but the harshness of his words were directed more at himself than Jim. “Hell, I had started to think I would never meet you, just _fuck_.”

He couldn’t help but laugh hollowly and let his head fall back until it rested against the headrest. “Believe me, I didn’t want to meet you like this either,” he said.

His soulmate cursed beside him one more time before he started another rant, “I wanted to get my life together, my ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce and all I have left are my bones right now kid. I can’t offer you much of anything.”  

Bones.

The word stuck in his head as he shifted his gaze to look at his first, very human soulmate. “We’ll make quite the pair,” he said sarcastically before he shrugged. “Jim Kirk.”

For a moment he wasn’t sure his soulmate would tell him his name, but eventually, he heard a quiet, “McCoy. Leonard McCoy,” in response.

God, he hoped they got their shit together before they met their other soulmate. He was certain the Vulcan wouldn’t appreciate their fucked up emotional states. “Well, here goes nothing,” he said as he took a swig from his flask before he handed it to Bones.

 

◎

 

He was nearly five when it became apparent he had a soulmate, though as the mark bloomed across his forearm Spock couldn’t tamper down the feeling of surprise that the mark was red. It had been logical to assume that his soulmate would be Vulcan since nearly all Federation citizens found their soulmate on their home planet. When he showed his mother she laughed, which was peculiar. “What is so funny?” he asked.

She smiled down at him affectionately and the corners of his lips quirked up in response before he smoothed them down when he entered the room. “You are more like your father every day Spock,” she responded.

“I am not certain why my likeness to Father has anything to do with the appearance of my soul mark,” he said which only caused his mother to laugh again. Spock turned his gaze towards his father hoping for an explanation for his mother’s laughter.

There was a small pause while his mother controlled her emotions before he answered the questioning gaze, “I believe your mother refers to the fact my soul marks also belong to a human.”

And that, as his mother would say, was that.

After that afternoon he did not discuss his soul marks with his parents or any of his peers at school, it was a waste of his time to explain what is obvious when he caught someone staring at his very red and purple marks. He was ten when his peers began to comment on both his human heritage and human soulmate after lessons had concluded for the day. Most of the marks he received were covered by the uniform they were required to wear for the duration of their school lessons, but the ones that appeared across his hands were there for all to see.

Spock knew they attempted to draw out his emotions, to prove that he was not a full Vulcan and therefore would not be able to control himself. It was frankly a frustrating use of his peers time but as the year dragged on he began to realize he had become their own personal experiment. He was after all the only one of his kind, there were no other Vulcan-Human hybrids in the whole Federation.

That knowledge was something he worked on containing within his mind with the loneliness that came along as well. It did him no good to desire more like himself so that he would not be alone, he knew that his chance of being carried successfully to full term had been extremely low.

He was eleven when his control finally slipped. Stonn, a Vulcan of average intelligence, approached him once more after their lessons had concluded. “ - therefore you have no place in this universe.”

It was difficult to school his expression, to keep it blank as they continued to poke at the very facts that unsettled him the most. It was illogical of course because what is cannot be changed, but that day his peers' remarks were extremely pointed as if they had discovered over the last year what exactly to say. “You and your father are traitors you know,” Stonn continued, “with human whores for soulmates.”

There was any thought behind what happened next. He moved forward so quickly that Stonn wouldn’t have time to realize what was about to happen until Spock’s hands were on him and they tumbled down into a learning pod. It was one thing to call his soulmate a human whore, that alone would have been enough to elicit an emotional reaction from him, but Stonn had included his mother in the insult and that was just unacceptable. It didn’t take long before he was pulled away from Stonn and the other boy had managed to land a few of his own attacks. In the very back of his mind, Spock knew his soulmate would finally get their first mark and he wondered what their reaction would be to the green cut on their lips that matched his own.

Later that day he knew that his father was disappointed even though his facial expression gave nothing away, it was faint over their family bond. On the other hand, all he could feel from his mother through their bond was worry and...a little pride?

...Fascinating.

As time moved on from the incident, he learned how to ignore Stonn and the other boy had learned that pushing him to his emotional breaking point resulted in nothing good. It was a grievous waste of time for him to spare thoughts on peers that were extremely illogical at their cores, not when he desired to attend the Vulcan Science Academy after their primary education was completed.

It did not take him long to notice that the marks on his skin from his soulmate had become rather concerning, taking the shape of hands that were far too large to be anyone else’s but an adult. No amount of meditating that he did ebbed away the worry that coiled inside his soul at the thought of someone harming his soulmate. It was like primal instinct kicked in and demanded that he protect his soulmate, though logically Spock knew there was nothing he could do without knowing their identity.

“Spock are you certain?”

He was thirteen and he stood in the foyer next to his sehlat I-Chaya who remained steadfast beside him. His parents faced him so they could send him off on his journey. “Mother, as you know this is a ritual that father completed when he was my age and many of my peers have completed it as well. It is only logical that I too complete the  _kahs-wan_ now,” he stated.

His words did nothing to soothe her worry and he attempted to send calming emotions to her through their familial bond. It seemed to be enough because she simply nodded in response instead of prodding further. “Be safe my son,” his father said and he took that as his queue to leave the safety of his home.

The journey to The Forge was not as taxing as he had anticipated though he slowed his pace to accommodate I-Chaya’s old age. It had not been his plan to bring the sehlat along, but the animal had been extremely insistent on the matter and he found no reason to dissuade him. Below his veil of control, he was secretly relieved to have a companion for the journey.

Five days passed and he could already feel the effects of no food or water, but he spent long hours at night with I-Chaya standing guard regulating his body to accommodate for the lack of hydration and nutrients. It was a difficult task but eventually, he learned how to do suppress the pangs of hunger and desire for water. The sixth morning, it appeared that his luck had run out as his mother would have aptly put had she been with him. The low growl of a le-matya alerted him too late as it leaped off the rock formation that he and I-Chaya had taken shelter under. They were cornered and immediately he felt a spike of fear that seemed completely understandable given the circumstance. 

It was not unheard of for Vulcans to fail their _kahs-wan_ , for the elements or le-matya to cause their demise and there was no shame in their deaths. Spock, illogically, had believed that he would not become one of those who perished. 

I-Chaya roared and everything that occurred after seemed to happen all at once yet also in slow motion. There was nothing he could do as the le-matya used its last breath to sink its teeth into I-Chaya’s skin and he could only watch as the sehlat cried out and fell atop the other creature. Emotion crashed down upon him and he lurched forward until his face was buried into I-Chaya’s fur and his fingers curled near the wound as if they could heal.

They could not and even though he knew that he still felt tears well into his eyes at I-Chaya looked at him once last time and heaved his last, heavy breath against his face.

He returned home, because after there did not seem to be a point to continue. His father nodded in what he believed was understanding and his mother was just happy that he was in her sight, where she could see that he was indeed safe and protected.

They never spoke about what happened after that day.

He was seventeen when the first disturbing marks appeared and he was thankful that his uniform covered most of them up because he would not let his peers discover the trauma his soulmate clearly endured. These marks were private and all he could do was stare at them in the comforts of his rooms and wish he could know who or what inflicted them. After some research on what the marks on his back could be caused by, he felt a stutter in his heart that could not be explained when he discovered they likely were a result of a whip.  

Days later, he nearly lost his control once more when he felt his arm sting and looked down to see four letters appear. _Help_. It was illogical to feel useless, but in that moment he could not help but feel anything but that emotion. He did not know who his soulmate was, where they currently lived or what they specifically needed help with. Though based on the first ugly marks that appeared he could conclude it was nothing good. The marks only grew worse as time went on and for three months he watched bruises and cuts appear and fade, imprints of fingers and hands seared harshly against the delicate skin of his hips and thighs and for once Spock wished he did not remember everything perfectly. These were marks he never wanted to see appear on anyone, but especially his soulmate.

Eventually, the ugly marks ceased to occur and he curled his fingers into fists as he momentarily allowed relief to wash over his mind. It was over. Whatever horrors that were inflicted upon his soulmate were no more.

Illogically, he wished they had never occurred in the first place, but there was no point in that desire. The past was immovable and it was a waste of energy to dwell on things that could never change. Despite that, Spock still wished.

He was eighteen when he applied to the Vulcan Science Academy and beneath the tight control of his emotions confidence hummed, only muted by the soft hints of nervousness that his mother, of course, was attuned to in ways he realized he would never understand. It was not logical for him to feel either of those emotions, his scores had consistently been in the top ten percent of his peers and aside from the one dark mark upon his record when he was eleven, he followed Surak’s teachings.

“It is truly remarkable, Spock. That you have achieved so much despite your disadvantages. Welcome to the Academy.”

Upon later reflection, he would realize those words changed the course of his life irrevocably but in that moment he could not contain the familiar anger that broke through his control. “If you would clarify, Minister - what "disadvantages" are you referring to?”

There was a beat of silence before the Minister answered. “Your human mother and soulmate.”

He was eighteen and found himself on a ship that carried him towards Earth. The Starfleet recruiter had seemed surprised when he had called to discuss what was expected of him when he arrived in San Francisco, but he pushed on. Later, during meditation, he would conclude that he declined the acceptance into the VSA because it would not be enough of a challenge for himself, but much, later on, he would discover that he could no longer stand the prejudice that colored the early years of his life.

Starfleet Academy was not what he had expected it to be and he found himself challenged both in the classrooms and outside of them. It became apparent that his mother was the exception and found other humans succumbed to their emotions and threw away logic that only made him place firm boundaries between himself and his fellow cadets. He had not joined Starfleet to cultivate friendships, he had joined so he could contribute to the forward momentum of science and allow his knowledge and expertise to assist the Federation.

He was twenty-one when he graduated at the Lieutenant rank and found himself assigned to the USS Charleston under Captain Pike who seemed to understand without ever having to ask what Spock required to be comfortable amongst his mainly human crew members. Life fell into a routine shortly after and he found he flourished on a ship, with the constant hum of the engine’s below his feet and the stars streaking past. Six months later on an away mission that was what Captain Pike called a “milk run” he found himself and the others in the landing party communicators cut off. An ion storm swept through the skies and he was forced to keep his fellow crew members calm when one of them sustained a grave injury from an unknown attacker and human blood seemed to be everywhere.

After two point six four hours they were beamed back aboard the ship where medical sprung into action before they had even finished materializing. The other scientists looked stricken and he remained near them until the flurry of action ceased. He remembered his mother often said that during trying times for humans, they often found great comfort in the fact that they were not alone after an ordeal such as the one they endured.

“Lieutenant, please come with me.”

He was twenty-two when he attained the rank Lieutenant Commander for simply doing his job and when he told Captain Pike as such, the older man refused to listen to logic and pushed the new rank through. For two years he served on the USS Charleston until it was decommissioned and to be replaced with the USS Enterprise.

“So, Spock,” Number One appeared in his line of sight as he walked through the hallways of Starfleet Command. His response was a raised eyebrow which apparently was amusing for the woman who served as Captain Pike’s First Officer. “I’m not going to be on the Enterprise when it’s ready to go.”

That was not what he had anticipated her to say.

“Chris is going to want you as his First, after all those hairbrained missions that went south and you kept your cool on he’d be an idiot not to ask for you,” she continued.

Humans would continue to elude his understanding. “I am sure the Captain will select a First Officer from a more qualified officer,” he finally settled on saying.

Number One just shook her head but a grin pulled at her lips which on further baffled him. “Oh Spock, you still have so much to learn. Selecting a First Officer isn’t bound by logic. He trusts you and you’ll keep him balanced out there and that is what he will need most. You’ll do great.”

Before he could say another word she walked off.

“Spock!” Captain Pike said as he left Command a few hours later with his new orders to report to the Academy until the USS Enterprise’s construction was completed. The older man had a wide smile on his face that once more caused his eyebrow to lift and once more the action drew laughter. “What do you say about being my Chief Science Officer and my First on the Enterprise?”

It appeared that logic was not something that governed Christopher Pike’s decisions and he knew that as First Officer he must endeavor to introduce the concept into Pike’s command. “Of course Captain,” he said with a slight nod a habit he found eased his crew member’s unease around him by seventy-three point two eight percent.

“Wonderful, she’ll be ready in four years. In the meantime, I hear they grounded you at the Academy?” Pike asked.

This time he merely inclined his head. “Yes, I will teach several classes in both the science and communications tracks as two instructors have been assigned to other posts.”

Christopher Pike laughed, shook his head and walked away in the same manner that Number One had just earlier that day. A small sigh escaped his lips before he composed himself and began his search for a suitable apartment to live in until the USS Enterprise was ready for its maiden voyage.

It was during the first week of his classes three months, one week and two days later when his soulmate left another violent mark on his skin and he felt the familiar flood of concern when the marks stretched across his right hand, red and jagged. It was logical to assume they had punched something like glass that shattered beneath their skin. Many of his students eyed the mark and he could see they wished to ask him about his soulmate, but he schooled his expression as he would if he continued to live on Vulcan and their curiosity gradually faded.

He was twenty-five when marks appeared on his face and clearly indicated his soulmate had found themselves in a fight and once more he donned the extremely blank expression that deterred anyone from asking about the marks. The following day it was clear the rumor mill had found something to discuss and it took two point three five days before the information reached his ears - the infamous son of George Kirk would be attending the Academy when the new semester began next week. Spock would admit his interest was piqued until he settled back into his routine the following day.

Three years go by with minimal soul marks and idly he wondered if he would ever meet his human soulmate, especially when he was due to spend a significant amount of his time in space on Starfleet's new flagship. It would be a grave waste of resources not to send the Enterprise on two point three four times more missions than any other ship in the Fleet.

He was twenty-eight when his routine was abruptly shattered as he watched Cadet Kirk’s third futile attempt at the Kobayashi Maru when the Cadet grinned around the simulator’s room with an arrogant smile on his face.

“How the hell did that Cadet beat your test?”

It took exactly twelve point six five hours to find the line of code that forced the program’s parameters to alter long enough for Cadet Kirk to beat the unbeatable test. Anger flared under the surface of his control and he took a moment to collect himself before he filed a formal academic complaint with the Admiralty. It was rather careless of the Cadet to leave behind evidence such as this, which made him wonder idly if it was left behind on purpose. Clearly, based on the subroutine that was introduced into the system Cadet Kirk possessed a high level of intelligence and there was no other logical reason he would leave such a glaring fingerprint behind.

“I believe I have the right to face my accuser directly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so again this was only meant to be a one-shot originally when I began it but then it got out of hand. This chapter was clearly their childhoods until their Academy days. The next chapter will cover a little bit of Jim and Bones' Academy days but mostly will deal with the events of the first film, chapter three will deal with Into Darkness and then lastly chapter four will cover Beyond! 
> 
> There will be further canon divergence as the story goes on but a lot of the major moments from the three films will likely stay intact. I hope you enjoyed this first chapter, let me know what you think!
> 
> Until next time <3


	2. Nero I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am completely blown away by the response this story has so far. Like seriously wow thank you, guys. Each kudo and comment has brought a smile to my face and they've meant the world to me. :) I just wanted to let you guys know ahead of time that most of the dialogue from the movie is paraphrased here. I did reference the script online a few times to make sure I was on the right track, but I didn't want to copy the dialogue word for word since that'd get rather boring! 
> 
> Also, it seems every time I touch this story it's determined to turn into something much bigger than originally planned. So I'm just going to let it run its course and we'll see how many chapters there are at the end of this journey haha. 
> 
> Without further ado, please enjoy! <3

◎

 

Two things happened damn near simultaneously once he and Jim stepped off the shuttle and into San Francisco air: First, Jim apparently decided to ignore the name Leo gave him and called him Bones for God knows why and second, the Lieutenant in charge of their last minute room assignments took one look at them, noticed the matching marks and set them up in a room together without damn well asking.

All in all, though, the day wasn’t all that bad. Pike had picked them up after they received the temporary code to their room and marched them straight over to Starfleet Med to get them properly checked out. Once again though their marks didn’t go unnoticed and the bastard had a smug grin on his face the whole time which only made him want to pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh. Jim seemed amused over the whole thing and took the whole thing in stride, which left him feeling quite envious. Their lives had just changed irrevocably, and the kid acted like it was just another normal day.

He was twenty-eight and practically at square one in his career all over again and dammit he couldn’t help but sulk about it when they were halfway through their examination by Pike’s CMO Philip Boyce. It was also during this time that he learned that Jim was a shit patient and nearly groaned right then and there in front of his soon-to-be mentor about all the bitching he would have to do with the kid going forward.

“I bet I’ll have to drag his scrawny ass in for the simplest shit,” he muttered. To Boyce’s credit, he just snorted and rolled his eyes but made no comment. He got the feeling the older man understood all too well. Well good, maybe the man would give him some pointers.

It seemed to happen all too fast and abruptly the flurry of action that had been his life the last day ended and he was left to stand in front of the door to the room he’d be stuck in for three years. With one of his soulmates who was still very much a stranger. Silently he cursed the Lieutenant again for not even asking but then again he couldn’t blame the woman, they both had been dressed in civilian clothing, both enlisted last minute, and Pike was listed on their enrollment forms. Hell, if he had been in her position he probably would have assumed the same damn thing. Still, it didn’t make the moment any easier as and awkwardness settled over them.

“So,” Jim started, but then thought better of what he was about to say.

Oh for heaven's sake, he was too old for this shit. “Punch the damn code in kid, we don’t have all day now,” he growled and Jim looked at him with wide eyes briefly, before he just grinned and shook his head as he did what he was told.

The small apartment was nice, he had to give Starfleet that and if this is what he and Jim got out of being soulmates - well he wasn’t about to complain. It was barely six hundred square feet, but for the two of them it would be enough and at least they wouldn’t have to deal with bunk beds and communal bathrooms. He shivered at the thought as he dumped his things onto the ragged looking couch. “Well, there’s only one bed.”

“Look Bones -”

“Dammit, Jim why do you keep calling me that?”

“We should talk about this. I can’t believe I’m actually saying that since I’ve actively been trying to avoid anything that would remind me of you guys, but...yeah. Do you um, is there anything you want to know about me?”

It was clear to him that Jim desperately hoped that he wouldn’t ask any questions but there was one that he couldn’t silence. “Yeah, I’d like to know who I need to murder and make it look like an accident for laying their hands on you.”

Apparently, that was not what Jim had expected him to say and looked visibly startled at his words. “I’m sorry what?”

For a moment he was unsure if he wanted to continue, he didn’t know Jim, didn’t know how far he could push the kid before he threw up walls so high he’d never have hopes of getting past them. Soulmates or not, that didn’t always guarantee that they’d fall in love at first sight and live happily ever after. “I’d like to know the bastards name who hit you. You seem like a pain in the ass, but not the kind who deserved to be manhandled until bruises formed, especially as a kid.” His words were slow and carefully chosen and Jim just continued to blink at him owlishly.

“You know,” Jim finally started to say after a few minutes. “I always forgot about the fact you’d see those. After a while, I didn’t even notice them myself half the time.”

And that right there broke his damn heart. Of course, of course he knew how often the marks appeared and could remember nearly every single one. There was more he wanted to ask, more he wanted to know like why the hell he was whipped, but they could wait. He had a feeling they would need to be very drunk for that conversation. “Your turn, Jimbo. Is there anything you want to know about me?”

Jim pulled a face at the nickname and it made him smirk. “Just one thing really - what on Earth made you so angry six months ago that you punched fucking glass?”

Now it was his turn to be surprised, but then again the marks that appeared on Jim’s skin had mostly been normal, day to day scrapes and bruises. He never went out of his way to find trouble or hurt himself so punching that mirror must’ve been drastically out of character for Jim. “My demonic ex-wife sent me divorce papers the day before my daddy’s funeral,” he explained coolly.

There was a moment where Jim’s face was utterly blank before he watched it morph into rage. “Tell me how to murder that bitch without anyone suspecting foul play,” Jim finally snapped.

It made him laugh because damn, the universe apparently did something right for once. Whatever Vulcan they’re destined to be with as well must be some kind of patient to deal with their two asses. “I think we should wait until we find the other one before we go murderin’ anyone. Wouldn’t want them to feel left out. Plus, I want to know who punched them in the face so I can just knock out two monsters at once.”

At the reminder of their other soulmate, Jim softened. “Yeah, me too. Though I am a little grateful for it. If it hadn’t been for that punch we would have never known about them.”

He sighed as he settled onto the foot of their bed. “Yeah, I know,” he said as he patted the empty space next to him. “I wish we could’ve found them today too. Would’ve made my life easier. Pretty sure I’m the oldest one out of all of us so I’m too damn old to be waiting around for a complete set.”

Jim laughed as he lowered himself onto the bed as well. “You can’t be older than what? Twenty-seven? Twenty-eight? That’s hardly old.”

“Twenty-eight,” he sighed as he flopped down onto his back. “And you can’t be older than what? Twenty-three? So don’t even start.”

“Twenty-two thank you very much.”

He groaned. “That’s even worse. Barely old enough to legally drink, god dammit.”

Jim smiled down at him with amusement and he rolled his eyes in response. That only made Jim smile wider, which admittedly made him look breathtaking. If there had been actual sunlight coming in from behind Jim he might’ve thrown up from the sheer sappiness of the moment. “Just think, I’ll keep you young. I’m extremely adventurous in bed and very flexible,” he said with a wink.

He spluttered as Jim laughed again and got up from the bed. The damn nerve of the kid, talking about their sex life like it was normal. There wasn’t even a _them_ yet.

Aw hell who was he kidding. The moment he saw Jim’s face and Jim saw his marks he was done for. He already tried being with someone who wasn’t either of his soulmates and that hadn’t turned out well at all. Still, he didn’t want things to potentially crash and burn with Jim and see him walk away, soulmate or no.

Two weeks into the semester he had grown used to waking up with Jim pressed up against his side in the mornings. They hadn’t done anything other than sleep in the same bed and every night they fell asleep on opposite sides, but without fail every morning he woke up to an arm full of one James T. Kirk.

One morning though, he was surprised to see Jim was awake and he glanced at the chrono to make sure he hadn’t overslept. “Jim? You okay?” he croaked which made the other man flinch slightly.

“I had a thought,” he mumbled. “I don’t think our other soulmate even knows there’s two of us.”

Dammit, it was too early for this shit. He bit back a groan as he leaned back into his pill and stifled a yawn. “My brain isn’t properly awake Jim, you gotta give me more than that,” he groaned.

The bed shifted beneath him and when he opened his eyes (when did he shut them again?) he saw Jim hovering over him, arms on either side of his chest which effectively pinned him to the bed. “Think about it Bones,” he started. “The only reason either of us realized we had two soulmates was because they’re Vulcan and the marks were a different color.”

Jim paused, clearly waiting for him to catch on but sighed when he didn’t say a word. “Bones, we’re both human. They would never be able to tell our marks apart.”

Well if that didn’t wake him up, nothing else would. “Dammit, I never thought about that.”

Now that Jim had brought it to his attention he wanted to kick himself for not putting two and two together sooner. He hoped though when the moment came, if it came, that they’d be able to convince a Vulcan that what they said was true. Hopefully, they’d see the logic in their words and that they’d never say them unless it was true.

There was nothing they could do about it now though and Jim was already falling back asleep by the time he rolled out of bed to head to his early shift at Starfleet Med before his afternoon classes. “G’bye ‘ones.”

Their life fell into a routine after that. Naturally, their schedules were so drastically different that some days they didn’t see each other until they fell into the bed. Jim naturally gave him a headache during their first finals week and he muttered about how a damn genius could be so stressed about exams that were probably a walk in the park. Though when the next semester’s worth of finals rolled around it was his turn to give Jim a headache. In all fairness, though he was pretty damn sure the Xenobiology professor hated him for correcting him on numerous occasions regarding Vulcan biology and set out to make his final a living hell. Jim of course, just laughed his ass off.

“You should have told him you have a Vulcan soulmate Bones, maybe he would’ve understood,” Jim had said between bouts of laughter. He had pinned the other man with a harsh glare.

It wasn’t until halfway through their second year that things began to change though he supposed nothing _actually_ changed because they were soulmates and they very well knew that from the first day they met. But instead of skirting around that fact, he found it harder and harder not to push Jim into the mattress some mornings and kiss him senseless. “Stop lookin’ at me like that Bones,” Jim said one morning, his head barely poked out from under the covers.

He sighed. “I can’t help it darlin’.”

Jim groaned and threw the blanket over his head. “You know when you call me that it’s really hard not to kiss you.”

He understood Jim’s hesitation, he really did because he felt the same. They had another soulmate out there somewhere and it seemed wholly unfair that they managed to find each other. Every moment together felt like they were cheating their soulmate out of time and love. “We may never meet them,” he whispered. “Lord knows plenty of people are unfortunate enough to never find their soulmate, we got lucky meetin’ each other when we did.”

Jim sighed and pushed the blanket down to his hips as he sat up and looked over at him. “We’re gonna meet them even if I have to cut our coordinates into my other arm.”

His breath hitched at Jim’s casual reference to the pale, thin lines on his left arm that spelled out _help_. Even over a year after they met, he never dared to ask Jim what happened, but he got bits and pieces here and there from the other man that painted an uglier picture than he originally imagined. One day he knew Jim would tell him, but he had a feeling he wasn’t about to broach the subject any time soon and if he did it would only be the one time, which meant he would likely have to wait until their Vulcan crashed into their lives.

Without much though, his hand wrapped itself around Jim’s wrist and his fingers moved until they felt the familiar raise of the scar. Jim tensed beneath him for a split second before he relaxed. He learned a while ago not to take offense to the reaction. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold myself back,” he whispered.

Jim looked pained for a few moments before he noticed guilt lurk behind his eyes. When he blinked it was gone and suddenly Jim was in his lap, knees tucked on either side of his hips as he was straddled and his face pulled into the other man’s hands. “Bones,” Jim croaked and that was the final straw as he pressed his lips against Jim’s.

Things were definitely better after the morning, but they both knew why things felt off, why it felt like the bed was too big whenever they succumbed to their passion, why their bodies and minds ached for more even after they laid next to each other, relaxed and sated. Jim constantly murmured reassurances into his skin that they would find their other soulmate, that he wouldn’t let them go on too much longer without them. “Maybe we can request some personal leave after we graduate to go to Vulcan.” Jim had said casually one night as he was just about to drift off into sleep.

He hummed in response. “Maybe.”

It was a nice thought at least and it helped him get through their final year at the Academy. And soon enough they only had a few more months until their graduation. Pike had already been informed of their desire to go to Vulcan after graduation and he promised he’d see what he could do. It was enough to calm Jim down at least and once more their life fell into a routine until Jim bound up to him after one of his classes with a wild look in his eyes. He barely repressed a groan, knowing that look never led to anything good. “I’m taking the test again.”

Of all the damn hairbrained ideas Jim’s gotten in his head… “No. Nope, you are definitely not taking it for the _third_ time because we _both_ know that that test is impossible to beat. Right, Jim?”

Jim just smiled and he cursed silently in his head. This kid was going to be the reason he went prematurely gray and Pike seemed to find it endlessly amusing whenever he brought up said fact around him at their academic meetings. “I want you there,” Jim said, expertly glossing over his words.

If he hadn’t swore a vow to do no harm…

“I hate you. I hate you so much I hope you know that and when I fail my test because I didn’t get to study I will blame you and you can sleep on the couch,” he snapped. This only seemed to amuse Jim because suddenly the other man grabbed his face, kissed him and promptly declared he had to go study. “Study my ass!” he yelled.

Jim’s response was to walk in a way that made sure his gaze wouldn’t be anywhere but _his_ ass. Yeah, the kid was definitely going to be his downfall and he would love every minute of it. With a deep sigh, he made his way back to their dorm, prepared to cram as much studying as he possibly could before he watched Jim make a fool of himself.

Later, as he waited for the simulation to begin he prayed he would never actually have to spend much time on the bridge when they were up in the black. Even though the screen was just a simulation he couldn’t quite shove the spike of fear down completely. Out of the corner of his eye, Jim was far too cocky for his own good which made him feel uneasy. Of course, he had been witness to Jim’s obsession with beating the damn test, had to endure all of Jim’s rants about how unfair and unrealistic the simulation was and why on Earth would Starfleet want to instill in their Command track cadets that there were no-win scenarios. After a while, he tuned Jim out and now he regretted that decision.

He regretted it, even more, when Jim beat the simulation and grinned arrogantly around the simulation room. Yup, the little brat definitely did something that would probably get his ass in trouble, but for a few moments, he allowed himself to feel pride as Jim slapped his shoulder.

The trial came as no surprise to him and when Admiral Barnett called Jim up to the front he immediately knew why. Damn kid can’t keep himself out of trouble. Unfortunately, this time all he could do was sit there and watch as Jim asked to know who his accuser was and was both surprised and not when the instructor that rose was Vulcan. He was definitely going to demand answers out of Jim when they got home. Anger licked at his heart when the Vulcan brought up Jim’s father and how he died, the damn nerve of him. Jim of course, took it in stride and he supposed that was due to the fact he grew up in the same town his father had lived in and his own resilience that astounded Leo.

“We’ve received a distress call from Vulcan…”

Neither of them paid too much attention to what Admiral Barnett said next because immediately Jim’s gaze zeroed in on him and he knew Jim felt the same spike of fear. Vulcan. Their other soulmate was there. He tried not to get pushed along with the other cadets as he made his way down to where Jim stood and when Jim muttered “Who was that pointy-eared bastard,” he laughed.

“I don’t know, but c’mon Jim we gotta get to the Enterprise.”

It had been no secret to either of them that Pike wanted them on his ship. Despite the friendship they had developed with the Captain, both he and Jim were in the top ten percent of their class which would dissuade many from claiming Pike had them assigned out of favoritism.

Though the moment Jim’s name wasn’t called he cursed. Immediately he wracked his brain for a way to get Jim on that shuttle with him and the moment he had an idea, he grabbed Jim’s arm and hauled him away. “Bones what -”

“Shut it,” he growled as they walked into the little clinic the hanger had tucked away in case anyone found themselves hurt whenever they were working on a shuttle’s repairs or a passenger wound up sick. “I’m going to give you a vaccine -”

“What the fuck why?”

“It’s going to give you the symptoms for the Melvarian mud fleas,” he all but snarled as he jammed the hypo into Jim’s neck. He didn’t even feel the slightest bit guilty when his soulmate flinched and rubbed his neck. So he turned away to put everything back in its place.

“Am I supposed to be going blind in my left eye?”

He sighed as he snapped his medkit shut. “Yup, it’s only going to be more unpleasant until we get on the Enterprise. Now shut it until then.”

It took a little bit of maneuvering to get Jim into the Medbay without Commander Spock noticing, but somehow he managed and things were blissfully quiet for several minutes when Jim was knocked out. He knew he’d catch hell for that later, Jim hated sedatives, hated how they made him feel whenever he woke up, but sometimes they were just necessary. Still didn’t stop the bitchfest that occurred after though. Once Jim woke up though, he should’ve know the kid would surge into a flurry of action and with a few curses, he grabbed his medkit and ran after Jim. Leave it to the kid to be allergic to a basic vaccination and with a series of hypos he managed to get it all under control when they burst onto the bridge with Nyota in tow. He caught her questioning gaze as Jim marched up to Pike and he could only shrug in response. Hell if he knew what had Jim all riled up.

Pike definitely wasn’t happy to see Jim and he knew he had to try and say something lest Jim found himself in the brig, but Jim wasn’t having any of it. He didn’t seem to care that Leo was trying to save his ass and that Pike clearly was pissed off that he was even on the ship, which caused an uneasy feeling to settle over him. He glanced over at Commander Spock, sure the Vulcan would’ve done something by now, but clearly respected Pike enough to stay near his station.

Before he could wrap his head around it they were on red alert, dropping out of warp and faced with the broken remains of the other ships. Grief swelled up quickly because dammit some of those who were dead had been friends, colleagues, people that he and Jim would drag out to an old-timey bar off campus and now they were just gone.

And then his whole world jolted beneath his feet and every one of his instincts screamed at him to get into that turbolift because fuck Medbay was about to be swamped. But he found himself glued to where he stood when a Romulan appeared on the view screen and if things didn’t get any more confusing he began spouting shit off like he was from the future.

He was brought back to the present when Jim and Commander Spock began to protest loudly that Pike go over to that damn ship and he agreed, though was in no position to vocalize those thoughts. (Not that Jim was either but the man never knew when to shut his mouth.)

His heart lodged itself in his throat when Pike ordered Jim to follow him. He watched with wide eyes as Jim walked up to him, grabbed his hands. Without any thought, he squeezed them tightly. “You best come back to me Jim,” he said. Silently he added _and you best save them too._

His only response was a curt nod before Jim’s hands slipped away and he disappeared into the turbolift with Pike, Commander Spock, and some other officer. He allowed himself a few moments to gather his composure before he burst into action and sprinted towards Medbay.

Chaos was the only thing that greeted him. “Where’s Puri?” he snapped at one of the nurses.

“He’s dead sir,” she said as she practically lifted a wounded engineer onto a biobed all by herself. It was an impressive sight that was for sure. As he marched up beside her and began checking the engineer’s injuries she paid turned to him fully.

“You’re our CMO now.”

 

◎

 

Well, he’s definitely had better days that was for sure. (But also so much worse.) Today was only supposed to be about telling the Admirals off for purposely creating a simulation that no one can win, which was bullshit and now he was in a turbolift with Pike, the man who accused him of Academic Dishonesty, and the helmsman. Yeah, he had not pictured today going this direction but there was nothing he could do about it now. All his focus was going to be on saving Vulcan because fuck he and Bones had a soulmate down there somewhere, someone that they needed to survive whatever that crazy Romulan was trying to do.

“Kirk, I’m promoting you to First Officer.”

What the hell?

“Captain please, I apologize. The complexities of Human pranks escape me.”

He was inclined to agree because there had to be a chain of command already in place on the ship, there already had to be an officer on the ship that was supposed to take Commander Spock’s place when he had to become the Acting Captain. Then again, Pike was someone he could never figure out completely and it seemed his command style was very much a mixture of gut feelings and tactical strategy.

Despite his own shock and hesitance, he smirked at the Commander as the doors shut and he and the helmsman made their way to the shuttle with Pike. Secretly, he was glad that Pike had his Chief Engineer join them because frankly, his brain was not in the place to figure out Romulan tech. Kicking Romulan ass was going to be something that would definitely keep his worry from spiraling and as he suited up with the other two, he knew that there was no room for error, they had to pull this off with as few hitches as possible.

“Remember the Enterprise won’t be able to beam you back until you turn off the drill. Good luck.”

It was the silence that he noticed the most after Pike pulled the lever. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting to be honest, but it wasn’t the silence. If he closed his eyes he could easily forget Pike was on his way to what will likely be his death, that Vulcan was in danger and with it his soulmate, he could just forget it all, but his eyes were blown wide as Vulcan’s gravity pulled them down.

The silence was shattered the moment they broke through the atmosphere and he could hear his heart pounding in his chest in rage and he made a mental note to avoid diving through a planet’s atmosphere outfitted in a thin suit. There was no time to be afraid as the drill’s platform grew larger in his vision by the second and he knew he had to time it just right, like Pike said, because if he pulled too soon that was just asking for Romulans to shoot his “scrawny ass” out of the sky, but if he pulled too late well, he didn’t want to be incinerated, didn’t want to deal with Bones’ anger in whatever afterlife they all went to. Because rest assured Bones would find a way to throttle him after his death.

Sulu pulled his parachute first and he followed immediately after because fuck that drill platform was already too close for his liking. “Olson pull your fucking ‘chute!”

“Olson!”

And then he was gone. Just like that because he chased after a high instead of focused on the mission at hand. He was no stranger to seeking out thrills that left him breathless and grinning, but he also had the intelligence to understand when that kind of behavior was appropriate. “Fuck!”

He landed hard and he knew he would end up with several bruises across his back and ribs. Bones was probably too busy in Medbay to notice them quite yet, though he wouldn’t put it past his soulmate to notice them before he was back on board and found his way into the transporter room just in time to berate him for not being careful enough. Thoughts of Bones were quickly dashed from his mind when two Romulans clambered out of the drill. Great, just great. Fucking Olson, they could have the drill disabled by now.

The next few moments were tense as all he could do was react and attempt to get the upper hand and for once he was grateful for his time on Tarsus, where he first learned how to defend himself thanks to their neighbor. He pushed down the grief that came with that thought, but it was just enough of a distraction the Romulan needed to knock him off the edge. For a heart-stopping moment, he was sure he would fall to his death, but his arm snapped out and his fingers gripped the edge of the drill as if his life depended on it. Which it did.

Fuck, Bones was going to be so pissed at him.

After a few tense moments, he watched as the Romulan was run through with a sword and fell. Mentally he made a note to buy Sulu a case of whatever his favorite drink was. As he was pulled back up, he forced himself to catch his breath and fucking think. Once more he cursed Olson for being a stupid son of a bitch before his eyes zeroed in on the Romulan’s weapons. Sulu immediately caught onto his plan, which he was thankful for, and relief flooded over him when the drill halted.

The relief was short-lived and he watched with horror as the Romulans launched something into the core. Whatever it was, he knew it couldn’t be good.

_I was too late. Oh god. They’re going to die._

He didn’t have time to grieve over his other soulmate as he watched Sulu fall off the edge when the drilled moved abruptly beneath them. “Fuck,” he muttered before he launched himself off after the other man. The Enterprise better beam their asses back up and as he and Sulu clung to each other and watched with panic as the ground swelled beneath them

_I’m so sorry Bones._

But before he could completely brace himself for his death he felt his ribs crack against the hard, cool floor of the Enterprise’s transporter room. Laughter bubbled up his throat and tumbled out of his lips and he could hear Bones’ biting words as he kneeled next to him. Guilt followed soon after however when he turned over onto his back and fully looked at Bones who had marks on his face that didn’t paint a pretty picture of his current state. “I’m sorry,” he heaved as he forced himself up so he could clear the pad.

Bones didn’t breathe and word and he could feel the waves of anger roll off the other man, but also grief, the same kind that he felt. Of course, there was hope, hope that their soulmate managed to get off the planet before whatever was going to happen, happened. But he’d seen too much death and pain in his life to be completely optimistic.

“Where’s Commander Spock?” he finally asked the young navigator who currently manned the transporter controls.

The young man looked up at him with fearful eyes that didn’t leave a good feeling in the pit of his stomach. “He is on the surface, sir.”

“What?” Bones shouted next to him. “Why the hell would that hobgoblin go down there?”

They were given wary looks before the young man finally answered, “To get the Wulcan High Council.”

Before he could ask further questions, like what the hell was launched into the planet’s core and the status of the ship itself, they heard Spock’s voice demand to be beamed back up immediately. Bones tensed beside him, ready to jump into action should any of the Vulcan Elders appear injured the moment they materialized on board. Sulu stayed silent as they all waited for the young man to pull off a miracle.

Several figured began to materialize and everyone in the room visibly sagged in relief when it appeared everyone the Commander had sought to rescue made it. What surprised him, however, was a Human woman whose eyes were blown wide in fear and panic met his, skirting over Bones and Sulu before she turned around to look at Commander Spock. If possible her eyes grew wider and it wasn’t until he too looked at Commander Spock did he understand why.

His eyes took in the human marks around the very eye that currently throbbed painfully on himself, the very marks that also appeared on Bones’ face. Immediately he dropped his gaze down to Spock’s hands and noticed the harsh red marks there as well - right where the Romulan had stomped on his minutes ago.

Spock to his credit didn’t notice, instead, he completely focused on the Human woman. “Mother, are you alright?” he asked gently though Jim could hear other emotions color the Vulcan’s voice as well.

Bones cursed next to him when everything clicked into place for him as well, but he jumped into Doctor mode immediately after and began to run his tricorder over the Vulcan Elders as they stepped off the pad. He couldn’t bring himself to follow, rooted in his spot because there he was. Their other soulmate. And he had been right under their noses this whole time. He wanted to laugh hysterically but before he could Bones snapped, “Everyone to the Medbay _now_!”

He knew that tone well enough to immediately dislodge his feet and make the trek back through the corridors he barely paid any attention to earlier. Every fiber in his being craved to turn around, grab Spock and never let the man out of his sight again. Mere seconds were all that had separated him from losing Spock before they could even realize what they were to each other, what he was to Bones as well. But that could come later when things calmed when they stopped that crazy ass Romulan.

As they all entered the Medbay he had to collect himself for a moment. It was utter chaos inside, though he knew it was controlled chaos at the very least. Bones wouldn’t allow things to get too out of hand, not while he was around to do something about it. Still, it was an overwhelming sight to behold as the floor was smeared with mostly red blood, but the blood of other species joined as well.

“M’Benga! I have several Vulcan Elders coming your way!” Bones barked as soon as the doors closed behind them. He watched as Bones gently guided the Vulcan’s towards a part of the Medbay that wasn’t too crowded, but he made sure that Spock, his mother, and father stayed near him. He knew Bones wasn’t about to let Spock out of his sight until he absolutely had to and as the four of them were ordered to their own biobeds he watched as Spock helped his mother settle on her own and how he refused to move from her side.

It was clear to Jim that Spock cared deeply for his mother and affection bloomed in his heart at the sight. “Spock dear, I am alright,” she said gently to Spock before she allowed herself to look around. She caught sight of Bones first who helped Sulu get out of his suit and began to assess his wounds, but then her gaze landed on him. He wasn’t sure why he was nervous, most mothers, especially Human ones, were happy when their children found their soulmate and there was no reason for Spock’s mom to be any different.

“But I believe you have two very handsome gentlemen who would appreciate your attention,” she said after a few moments and a small smile tugged at her lips, enough to set him at ease.

“Mother?”

Oh god, a confused Spock was downright adorable and these were not thoughts he should entertain when they were in the middle of a crisis, but he couldn’t help himself as he shifted his gaze from Spock’s mother to Spock himself. His heart hammered against his chest for a very different reason this time which was ridiculous because for fuck's sake Spock was his other _soulmate_.

“Look at your hand,” she urged in that same gentle voice and immediately he wondered if she knew about his past, had seen those same ugly marks on her own son’s skin...  

Spock seemed surprised when he looked down and saw the angry red mark, well he assumed Spock was surprised based on the way his eyebrow rose, but he couldn’t really tell because the other man didn’t give away anything in his expression. He barely had time to register Spock’s gaze shift to his hand before the other man marched up to him and pushed up the left sleeve of his black undershirt until the scars were visible for everyone nearby to see. His breath hitched and immediately his reaction was to yank his arm out of Spock’s grasp, but the other man had a strength that was double his own and it was futile. Both men froze, Spock with his eyes glued to the pale lines that spelled out _help_ and Jim with his eyes on Spock’s face, waiting for disgust to show there. It never came.

Bones broke the spell when he reached over and gently pried Spock’s hand away. It didn’t go unnoticed with Spock that Bones had the same marks, that all _three_ of them sported the same harsh, red bruises. He watched as Spock stilled once more. “We are…”

“Yes,” Bones said softly. “Yes, we’re all soulmates. The three of us.”

If he wasn’t so close, he wouldn’t have noticed the way Spock’s hands shook ever so slightly as if he was completely overwhelmed and he could only imagine how Spock must have felt. In the matter of a single day, he lost his planet, nearly lost his parents and somehow found his soulmates in the middle of it all. A moment that was supposed to be joyous was tainted by grief. Not that he and Bones meeting left either of them feeling particularly happy in that moment, but at least that circumstance wasn’t anything like this.

“Spock -”

“I need to get back to the bridge,” Spock said abruptly before he turned to leave. He and Bones were left to gape after him and control the hurt that pierced their souls.

A sigh filtered through the haze and he turned to look at Spock’s mother once more. “You must excuse him, boys,” she said. “He has lost a lot today and until now he believed he only had one soulmate. And from the looks of it he almost lost one of you before he even knew.”

Guilt flooded his veins once more as Bones sighed beside him. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “I wasn’t quick enough.”

It wasn’t Spock’s mother who spoke next and he was reminded that Spock’s father stood nearby as well and had watched the whole exchange. “Nonsense,” he said in a deep voice. “It was not you who destroyed Vulcan. I am grateful that you risked your life to assist my people.”

Silence settled over the four of them for several moments before Bones moved over to check on Spock’s mother. “I am Sarek and this is my wife Amanda Grayson.”

“And we are so pleased he’s finally found you. _Both_ of you.”

He stayed down in the Medbay for a few more minutes before he grumbled at Bones enough to be released. “Nope, you’re coming with me,” he said before Bones could protest and dragged him towards the turbolift. When he stepped back onto the Bridge, he noticed Sulu and Chekov had taken their seats once more. Spock stood near each other them which left the Captain’s chair as the only place he could sit comfortably. Bones shot him a nasty look and he just shot the man a smile. They would fix his ribs later and had said as much when they were in the Medbay.

“Their trajectory suggests no other destination, Captain.”

For fuck’s sake, it wasn’t enough for Nero to destroy Vulcan, now he had to go and attack Earth now as well? This day would never end it felt like and he rubbed his temples with sore hands and barely caught what Spock said, “Out of the chair.”

Bones shot him a look as he rose and he just shrugged in response. He wasn’t sure how to really act around Spock now and it didn’t seem like Bones knew either. If it had been any other day, hell if they had all realized what they were to each other yesterday he knew things would’ve gone much differently. “Clearly this guy is insane, so we have to assume every Federation planet is in danger,” he finally voiced.

He watched with amusement when Bones tried to process Spock’s proposal that Nero was indeed from the future like he said and the more Spock spoke, the more it made sense. As much as he hated it, there really was no other explanation.

“...we must gather with the rest of Starfleet.”

And if that wasn’t the stupidest idea he’s heard all day. Anger licked at his battered ribcage as he glared at Spock. “There won’t be anything to go back to after we’ve rendezvoused with the other ships. By the time we meet with them and warp back to Earth there won’t be an Earth.”

Apparently, his words fell on deaf ears, which only angered him further. Bones hedged over his way, but he wasn’t having any of it. Not until Spock saw how utterly stupid and illogical his idea was. For a Vulcan, he had expected Spock to understand the need to pursue Nero. Not duck and hide like cowards.

Soulmate or not, he wasn’t about to bite his tongue when Spock flung angry words back at him. “I will not allow us to go backward!”

“Security escort him out!”

He reeled as if he had been slapped in the face, because wow really? Sure Spock hardly knew him and apparently only knew him as some mouthy cadet who messed with his precious unbeatable test, but they were soulmates that had to mean something. Bones looked stricken from behind Spock and when two security officers gripped his arm he sent one more pleading look before he struggled to break free from his restraint.

Abruptly everything went black before harsh white light caused his hellacious headache to grow worse. Every part of his body ached beyond belief and when he opened his eyes he realized he was in a pod. What the fuck? In a matter of minutes it became clear what had happened and as he yanked on the heavy winter Starfleet gear he had the strong urge to punch something.

His soulmate was a fucking asshole.

 

◎

 

“Get him off this ship.”

He watched as the security guards dragged Kirk’s limp body into the turbolift and noted that no one else on the Bridge dared to even move until the door had shut. It was peculiar behavior since they did not contribute to Kirk’s insubordination. He could feel Dr. McCoy’s gaze on his back and could not bring himself to turn around and face the other man, despite the fact he knew his hesitance was illogical. “Mr. Sulu, please plot a course to the Laurentian system at warp factor three.”

This time there was no hesitation and Mr. Chekov informed him that they would reach the system in just under two hours.

As he moved to sit in the Captain’s chair, he could feel the doctor’s gaze follow him and in his current state, he could admit it unsettled him. Today had not gone as expected. What had started out as ensuring that Cadet Kirk was reprimanded for his academic dishonesty had somehow turned into the loss of his planet and then the discovery that said cadet and the cadet’s friend were his soulmates.

When it became apparent that the doctor would not move from his self-appointed post, he barely repressed a sigh as he rose. As he met the doctor’s gaze he once again could not deny the marks that tied them together, he could read anger in the other man’s eyes, but there were many others that lurked beneath that he could not confidently name. “Doctor McCoy -”

The doctor shook his head as he was approached. “Don’t call me that.”

He paused and could not stop the way his head tilted slightly to the side. This man before his was a puzzle he could not seem to solve. Logically he had assumed the doctor would be extremely upset with his decision to maroon Kirk yet the man said nothing. “Would you prefer to be called by your rank Lieutenant Commander?”

“No. You call me Leonard you hear? You don’t get to act all impersonal right now.”

All he could provide in response was a raised eyebrow. It did not seem to be the correct one however when a stormy expression clouded the doctor’s face. “We are currently on duty Lieutenant Commander, and it would be prudent for you to remember such a fact.”

“Dammit man! I just want you to acknowledge what we are.” The expression on the doctor’s face cleared and he watched as the other man’s shoulders slumped downward. “Until you materialized on that transporter pad I thought...we both thought that we lost…”

Anger flared up so suddenly it was nearly impossible to stop an emotional outburst. “You are not the one who lost anything today Doctor McCoy,” he said in a voice that was far too cold.

Again, this seemed to be an error on his part when the doctor gave into his anger once more. “I have lost today Spock, but you’re right you have lost far more than the rest of us. That doesn’t give you the right to maroon Jim because he disagreed with you. He’s a loud-mouthed hellion that’s for sure but he didn’t deserve to be treated like that by you of all people. You know,” the doctor’s voice dropped to a whisper now as to not draw more attention from the other crew members he presumed, “that he’s been through enough horrible shit in his life that he doesn’t deserve to be treated like he is expendable trash by one of his soulmates.”

At the reminder of Kirk’s violent marks, he barely repressed the instinctive flinch that hummed beneath the surface of his skin. His muscles tensed every so slightly as his mind reeled to find balance that was no longer there. “Has he confided in you the circumstances that led to those marks?”

The question was not what he had intended to say, yet there was no ability that would allow him to take the words back. For the first time since their conversation began those words seemed to placate the doctor. “No, he hasn’t. I believe he’s been waiting until we found you. Whatever it is wasn’t pretty and I think he is planning on only telling us what happened once and then never speak of it again.”

He could not seem to form a response to the doctor’s words, which apparently prompted the man to step closer to him. He could not find it in himself to step away. “You owe him one hell of an apology when we pick him back up. But knowing Jim, he’s halfway to forgivin’ you already.”

Leonard stepped away and he found it was no easier to breathe than when his personal space had been invaded. “I’m goin’ back down to the Medbay. Comm me if you need me back up here you ridiculous hobgoblin.”

The words were apparently said in jest because when he looked up and saw a small smile pull at Leonard’s lips before he stepped away completely and moved towards the turbolift.

It was relatively silent on the Bridge for the following fifty-three point two six minutes before Mr. Chekov said, “Captain Spock, detecting unauthorized access to the water turbine control board.”

He contemplated several scenarios in a matter of seconds that would logically explain the control board to give off false readings considering the state of the ship, however when none came to fruition he inclined his head slightly and said, “Bring up the video.”

And there was Kirk along with an unknown male Human. He stepped away from his father who had arrived to update him on his mother’s condition and that other than being shaken by her brush with death, she was alright. Leonard had accompanied his father and he was sure that the man had come to check on him. It had seemed their earlier conversation had only elevated Leonard’s worry. The security personnel was efficient in sealing off Engineering and in a matter of minutes they walked Kirk along with the unknown Human Male onto the Bridge. “How did you manage to beam aboard this ship?” he demanded. Kirk’s accomplice looked between him and Kirk wearily.

“You’re a genius figure it out.”

Behind him, he heard Leonard’s exasperated sigh. “Jim c’mon now -”

“Stay out of it Bones. This is between me and him.”

There was no time for this Human nonsense. Aggravation pressed against his weakened shield and he knew he was barely maintaining his control. “As Acting Captain I order you to answer the question.”

This seemed to amuse Kirk as he smirked and stepped closer. “Well, I’m not telling, _Acting Captain_.” The words were said with what he presumed to be Human sarcasm and disdain. The aggravation and anger pressed more harshly against his mental shield. “What now? Did that not frustrate you? My lack of cooperation? That I was smarter than you and beat your precious test? Doesn’t all that make you angry?”

Abruptly the moment felt intimately familiar and it seemed Kirk knew exactly what to say to rile his emotions so they battered against the shield that stood between control and an outburst. Just like Stonn and his other peers had done all those years ago. Grief mingled with his anger when he thought of his old classmates and that they were all likely gone now.

“What is with you Spock? Your planet was just destroyed, everything you ever knew is just gone and you’re not even upset.”

A snarl barely stayed repressed behind clenched teeth. “If you presume that the loss of my planet has in any way impeded my ability to command this ship, you are mistaken.”

Kirk shook his head, though that arrogant smirk only widened. “You told me just today that fear was a necessary emotion, Spock. Did you not see his ship and what it did?”

He knew he needed to get Kirk off the bridge before his control snapped completely, but he could not bring himself to order security to haul him down to the Brig. Instead, he said through barely contained anger, “Yes, of course, I did.”

“Then tell me, Spock, what’s it like to not feel anger or heartbreak? Tell me what it’s like to not want to stop the very man who took your whole world away from you?”

Each word acted like a sharp knife against his shield and each time Kirk spoke they stabbed a little deeper. His breath became labored and he knew he was on the cusp of a total lack of control of succumbing to his emotions. “Back away from me,” he warned - the only warning Kirk would get.

“You feel nothing! It must not even compute for you! You never cared for your planet or all those Vulcans down there. You allowed Nero to destroy your world. You are a traitor!”

And with that last word, the control he had barely been able to cling to shattered and all he felt was consuming rage. His fingers find Kirk’s neck and with a loud cry he shoved Kirk onto a console and squeezed until he felt the Human’s windpipe begin to crush beneath the force of his superior strength. Kirk put up no resistance and a primitive part of himself was disappointed his death would come far too easy, but before he could analyze that emotion he was pulled back by the sharp voice of his father. “Spock!”

Just as quickly as he succumbed to his anger, he crashed back down into his grief and despair that was only added to when he realized what he had done to one of his _soulmates_.

He stared wide eyed at Kirk for the briefest of moments while the man swallowed large breaths after having been deprived of air so forcefully. _He_ had done that. “I am unfit for duty. I hereby relinquish my command based on the fact that I have been emotionally compromised. Please note the time and date in the ship’s log.”

Kirk just stared at him with sad, guilty eyes as he spoke and he could no longer handle the emotions within himself and his soulmates any longer and quickly turned on his heel to escape into the turbolift. Leonard reached out to him when he passed and he paused momentarily before he continued on. He kept his back to the Bridge as the door to the turbolift shut behind him.

He was not certain where he would go on the ship, but somehow his feet brought him to the transporter room. Unfortunately, he was not there long before he heard the doors open once more. “Speak your mind, Spock.” His mother said gently.

Her compassion was nearly palpable in the air and it was not something he deserved. His fingers clenched into fists behind his back and his shoulders tensed in reaction to her words. “That would be unwise,” he said eventually.

There was a short silence as his mother walked up to stand beside him before she said, “I believe, as your father would say, that what is necessary is never unwise.” Her hand reached out and he felt her cool fingers brush away a wayward strand of hair. Automatically he leaned into the touch.

“I am as conflicted as I once was as a child.”

Her hand moved to cup his cheek and in his battered emotional state, he did not move away from her touch as he would have just seven point three four hours ago. “You are a child of two worlds Spock, something I am so grateful for now more than ever.”

He closed his eyes for the briefest of moments before he opened them to look into her eyes that he was secretly glad to have inherited from her. “I am angry at the one who took my planet, I am angry that he almost took a soulmate from me before I even knew, but I am also angry at myself for finding relief that I have met my soulmates and we still have Earth to share. And I find myself unable to control my anger.”

The admission lifted a weight upon his heart though he could not find a logical reason for his body’s reaction to simple words. “Oh Spock,” his mother said as she lifted her other hand to cup his cheek. “Do not try to. What happened today…you cannot repress those emotions. It is not logical, no matter what Surak’s teachings state, to deny a natural reaction to a tragedy like this. Attempting to suppress anger only allows it to fester. Use your it as a tool.”

He was far too exhausted both physically and mentally to rebuke her words and Human approach to tragedy. “Your mother is correct,” his father said. “Our emotions run deep Spock, perhaps far deeper than even in Humans.”

Both his parents seemed to sense the temporary end to his turmoil through their familial bonds because his mother returned her hands to her sides. “Now, I believe you have a planet to save?” she asked and her eyes were alight with affection, love, and pride.

“Indeed.”

He also had two soulmates that deserved apologies, but first, they needed to save Earth. A planet that was near and dear to not only them but to himself and his mother as well. He stepped into the Bridge once more two point six five minutes later and it appeared Jim, Leonard and the rest did not notice his presence yet. He stood there for several moments as he listened to the six of them attempt to create an effective plan to take Nero down before he spoke, “Leonard, Mr. Chekov is correct.”

All six pairs of eyes turned towards him, but the only two pairs that mattered to him most gazed at him with concern instead of the anger he had previously anticipated. “Spock,” Jim said with a smile on his face and whatever remaining unease he felt was dissolved instantly.

“If Mr. Sulu is able to maneuver us into position I can beam aboard Nero’s ship, steal back the black hole device, and if possible, bring back Captain Pike.”

Leonard appeared distraught at his proposed idea and it only took a few seconds before he voiced his concerns, “Spock you can’t go over there alone! You’re not Superman and even he wouldn’t be able to take on a whole ship of crazy ass Romulans by himself.”

“Bones is right -”

“Now you decide to have common sense?”

“I’m coming with you.”

“Dammit Jim that is not what I meant!”

Affection pressed against his heart and he could not repress the slight upward curve of his lips. Leonard reacted to their exchange by throwing his hands up in what was obviously frustration. “How did I get stuck with both of you? Who did I piss off in a past life to deserve two idiot soulmates?”

He watched as Jim rolled his eyes which only seemed to upset Leonard further. But he could see that Leonard’s emotions revealed the depth of his worry and concern and he knew now that it wasn’t solely directed at Jim alone, but also now himself. In the safety of his own mind, he echoed Leonard’s words but rather he wondered who deemed him worthy enough to know the depths of love twice fold. He knew, of course, there were those out there who were born with no soulmates at all and likely craved for the unconditional love of just one soulmate, yet here he was gifted with two. 

“We’ll be back to annoy the shit out of you in no time.” Jim replied. 

Leonard shook his head out of further frustration, but he remained by both of their sides. “There is much left for us to discuss and I assure you, Leonard, that I will endeavor to return back to you.” 

All he received in response was a huff but if Leonard was going to say more, the other Bridge officers interrupted by making their own shocked noises. “Two soulmates?” Mr. Sulu asked. 

As he looked around, he noted the range of their expressions. “It would indeed appear that Leonard, Jim and myself are soulmates. Although, it was only today that I discovered my soul marks belonged to two humans instead of one as I previously believed.” 

Nyota shook her head as if it would clear her confusion. “Did you two know about him?”

Jim’s smile morphed into one that was more genuine than teasing. “Yeah, we both did.” He shook his head, though Spock could not pinpoint the reason for it. “Alright, enough talk about our mess of a love life. Everyone, you know what you need to do, so let’s get this ball rolling.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I read a fic once a while ago that pointed out Spock left for the transporter room before Chekov and therefore it would've been illogical for him to wait until Chekov got there and beamed Jim and Sulu back on board (even with him getting gear like c'mon Spock knew the planet had only minutes he wouldn't have dwaddled but I digress...). 
> 
> Hence why I changed that up in this chapter and both of Spock's parents are alive :) Especially since I don't think his mother's death was totally necessary to emotionally compromise Spock. I mean, hello he lost his whole freaking planet (and Sybok) senselessly I think that is enough to make him unfit for command. 
> 
> ANYWAY! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Also feel free to follow me on [tumblr](http://ofuhura.tumblr.com) if you'd like to be privy to the behind the scenes going ons for this fic haha. I'll be using the tags "may my soul be found" and "my fics" :) 
> 
> Until next time <3


	3. Nero II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I'm just so blown away by the warm reception this story is getting so far. You guys are literally the best and sweetest and thank you so much for reading my lil ol' trek story. <3 
> 
> Things are changing up slightly this chapter! Instead of starting with Bones' POV we are starting with Jim's since pretty much the rest of the 2009 movie was Jim + Spock. So his POV will be the very last one instead of Spock's like usual. That may happen from time to time since ugh Bones doesn't get nearly enough screen time until Beyond in my opinion.
> 
> Without further ado please enjoy!!

◎

 

He wasn’t arrogant enough to deny he was absolutely terrified as he walked into the transporter room with Spock on his heels. Because he was and now that fear was heightened by the fact he had a soulmate to ensure the safety of on top of his own. Bones would kick his ass into another dimension if he dared come back to the Enterprise without Spock. He felt a gentle touch on the small of his back and he jerked his gaze over his shoulder to meet Spock’s eyes. “If you are reconsidering whether you wish to accompany me I will understand,” Spock said but as he searched those brown eyes, he knew that wasn’t what Spock wanted.

So he shook his head and shot Spock a smile. “I’m not. Just fucking terrified.”

He didn’t see the point in attempting to hide his true feelings from Spock. It was never something he did with Bones after they met on that shuttle and it wasn’t something he would begin to do with Spock regardless of their rocky beginning. The gentle touch on his back moved up to the back of his neck as Spock rested their foreheads together. “I am also afraid,” Spock admitted.

Scotty cleared his throat and brought him back to the present and he reluctantly pulled away from Spock but made sure to keep close. Though he couldn’t really find it in himself to really care about how unprofessional they were being. There was a huge chance they’d wind up dead and as Bones stepped into the transporter room he was going to soak up every minute that he could with his soulmates just in case. “Aw Bones I didn’t think you’d see us off!” he teased because really it was the only thing he could do that wouldn’t send him over the edge.

“Like I’d let you two beam onto an enemy ship without saying a proper goodbye,” Bones huffed and he felt his lips pull up into a smile once more.

Spock seemed pleased by this as well because he swore he saw a hint of a smile on the Vulcan’s lips as he inclined his head towards the transporter pad. Bones’ gruff exterior melted some and affection flooded his veins as he watched the two of them walk further into the room. When he turned to contact Sulu, Scotty was grinning like a madman. “I dare say, Captain, you three are downright adorable.”

He shot Scotty a half-hearted glare, but the older man just shook his head with a smile and opened up a channel to the helmsman's console. “Whatever happens Mr. Sulu, if you feel like you have the tactical advantage to take out that ship, you do it even if we’re still on board. That’s an order.”

There was a pause before Sulu answered, “Yes, sir.” He knew Sulu didn’t like that order, hell he hoped that the man wouldn’t have to actually follow through with it, but they couldn’t allow Nero to destroy Earth, no matter what.

When he turned to join Bones and Spock on the transporter pad, he rolled his eyes when he saw Bones had gone off on a rant about staying safe and not getting himself killed. “ - I mean it, Spock. You two best come back without any serious injuries. I’m gonna have my hands full with Pike as it is.”

He rolled his eyes as he stepped into position. “Bones, we’ll be fine and back in no time to annoy the shit out of you.” He said in hopes to reassure Bones again.

It was Bones’ turn to roll his eyes but the other man moved towards him and pulled him into a deep kiss. “You and fine are rarely in the same solar system, you infant.” Bones stepped off the pad and looked between both of them. “I’ll see you when you get back.”

Spock startled them both when he nodded slightly and held out his index and middle fingers towards Bones. He watched as Bones somehow figured out what Spock wanted and returned the gesture with only slight hesitation. “We will endeavor to do so, Leonard,” Spock said.

Bones nodded and he stepped back until he stood behind Scotty near the controls. “Okie-dokie then, if there’s any common sense in the design of the enemy ship I should be putting you somewhere in the cargo bay. There shouldn’t be a soul in sight lads.”

He was terrified but managed to say, “Energize” like he wasn’t.

The last thing he saw was Bones’ façade crack and heartbreaking concern broke across his features. God, they needed to make sure they made it back because that couldn’t be the last thing he saw of Bones. No, he was supposed to die of old age next to Bones and Spock like some damn 21st-century romance movie.

He would have laughed that he and Spock were beamed in the middle of a bunch of Romulans if they didn’t have to immediately burst into action to keep themselves from getting shot. There wasn’t much time to think past the constant _Gotta save Earth_ that chantedthrough his mind as his hand yanked his phaser out of its holster nearly in sync with Spock and begin to shoot. At least the fact that there was plenty of things for them to duck behind was one small piece of luck in this whole shit show.

 _Keep moving, just fucking keep moving_ he mentally yelled at himself when phaser fire exploded around them as they attempted to find better cover. Every moment seemed to stretch on for ages as they moved, but thankfully he managed to take down at least three Romulans in the process. He didn’t have the chance to keep track of how many Spock took down, but the other man was certainly a sight to behold as he stunned Romulan after Romulan with a look of concentration that made his moves look effortless.

Finally, they managed to duck behind some kind of weird console that was unmanned and left a wall behind them so that no one could sneak up and kill them.

It took a combination of luck and skill for them to finally gain enough control of whatever room they wound up in to move out from behind the console. Spock was so close behind him that he could feel the heat radiating off the Vulcan’s body and the slight hitch in Spock’s breath as he regained total composure. A Romulan laid unconscious nearby and without sparing a glance over his shoulder he told Spock, “I’ll cover ya.”

There was only a slight hesitation before Spock asked, “Are you certain?”

This time he glanced at Spock and even though his expression gave nothing away he could see in Spock’s eyes that he did not like the idea of basically leaving him alone to defend himself should more Romulans arrive. “Yeah, I gotcha.” He tried to convey that he managed to survive Tarsus IV without either of them and that situation was far worse than the one they found themselves in now on Nero's ship. But now was not the time to let Spock in on those horrible memories.

Instead, he focused with every fiber of his being on sensing any Romulan that tried to approach them as Spock’s fingers found the meld points on the unconscious man. He may have also sent up a silent prayer to whoever was willing to listen that this Romulan knew the information that was necessary for this crazy ass idea of theirs to work. Not even a full minute after Spock initiated the meld someone came up behind and he reacted without hesitation. There was no regret that his phaser wasn’t set to stun as the Romulan dropped to the ground.

He crouched beside Spock and asked quietly, “Do you know where it is? The black hole device?” because fuck this ship was ridiculously large. Seriously, what was the purpose of it? You could fit the whole population of San Francisco on this godforsaken thing.

“And Captain Pike.”

Those three words sent relief through him because up until this moment he had believed Pike was dead and hadn’t wanted to believe it. Clearly, they got what they wanted out of his mentor and pseudo father figure, so it was an honest to God surprised when Spock confirmed the opposite. “He’s alive?” he couldn’t keep the words sealed behind his lips as he ran to keep up with Spock.

“Yes, he is. But the torture he endured was not pleasant and his condition will be poor when you find him,” Spock said. The words caused his heart to stutter but he reminded himself that poor condition was better than dead and Bones could perform miracles as long as his patient was still breathing. As much as he wanted to find Chris, he stuck to their plan and followed Spock to the ship that Other Spock crashed into the past on.

It was quite a ship to behold and if he still held any doubts about the truth behind Other Spock’s words, this ship would have been proof enough alone. Its sleek design screamed _I’m from the future_!

With one last glance around the cargo bay, he followed Spock onto the ship and damn he wished they didn’t have to crash this beauty into the Romulan’s ship. The things they could take from this ship and apply to the Enterprise were endless. He was brought back to the present when Spock spoke, “I foresee a complication, Jim, this ship’s design is far more advanced than I anticipated.”

“Voice print and face recognition enabled, welcome back Ambassador Spock.”

Shit.

If they were in any other situation he would have found the confusion that was clearly written across Spock’s face downright adorable, but he tried to remain cool and collected because Other Spock had been very clear in his instructions. Though, it still didn’t make much sense to him as to why Spock couldn’t know that his future self was...well here in the same time as him. “That’s...weird.”

 _Smooth, real fucking smooth_.

He refused to admit he bolted away so he didn’t accidentally say something he shouldn’t. Instead, he focused on finding where the hell Spock was supposed to fly this thing from and only moments after the door shut behind him with a soft hiss, it opened again. “It appears you have been keeping something from me,” Spock’s words were curt and he could tell the Vulcan was annoyed - or as annoyed as Spock would allow himself to be.

“You can fly this thing right?” he deflected.

There was a moment he was certain Spock would call him out on his bullshit, but apparently in the middle of a life or death kind of mission meant the other man kept the words to himself. Instead, Spock said, “Something tells me I already have,” in such a deadpan voice that he felt an inappropriately timed bout of laughter bubble up his throat.

He shoved the laughter back down and reached out to wrap his fingers around Spock’s wrist. His soulmate looked down and for a moment he was certain Spock would pull away, but his hand stayed in its place. “Good luck,” he whispered because he didn’t want to acknowledge the fact this idea of theirs was far fetched. He wanted to say more but couldn’t find the words.

“Jim,” Spock started to say, his voice uncharacteristically soft. Or he assumed it was uncharacteristic he didn't really know - yet. “The statistical likelihood that our plan will succeed is less than four point three percent.”

Dammit, did Spock really need to remind him of that? “It’ll work,” he said firmly as he tightened his grip on Spock’s wrist. _It has to_ , he failed to add on.

“In the event that I do not return, you and Leonard must know -”

“Spock, it’ll work.”

He didn’t want to talk about that. Didn’t want to even entertain the idea that he and Bones would find Spock only to lose him hours later. That simply wasn’t an option, statistics be damned. “I’ll see you back on the Enterprise,” he said softer this time as he moved his hand down so his fingers brushed against Spock’s.

Spock nodded and he hesitated for only a moment before he turned and left the ship. He tried to remember the directions that Spock had told him to take to find Chris, but the ship was dark and he didn’t have actual memories to guide him. His body was tense and he was hyper aware of every movement and noise around him. Somehow though Nero surprised him and it was just his luck he’d run into the crazy bastard. There were so many things he wanted to say to this particular Romulan, the man changed his life irreparably and took from him the chance at a childhood that didn’t absolutely fucking suck.

He kept those words in and instead said what was expected of a Starfleet Officer because they were easier, “Nero order your men to disable the drill or I will -”

The butt of a phaser rifle against one's head was never pleasant, not that he has a lot of experience with it, but he gathered as much from the simulations and demonstrations in his combat courses. His body betrayed him and he dropped to the ground before he could even attempt to will himself to stand. Nero was quick, which didn't surprise him all that much, but it was a disadvantage for _him_ because fuck he hadn’t been able to push himself back up to defend himself.

Nero was anger wrapped up in inhuman strength and well he could think of worse ways to die when Nero picked him up like he weighed nothing and threw him onto another platform. He only wished he could’ve gotten Chris off before it all went to hell. The words “I know your face from Earth’s history” barely registered with him as Nero jumped down to join him and he definitely barely heard the man say “ - A life I will deprive you of just like I did your father.”

White hot fury of his own flooded his veins and he never knew he could feel this kind of anger, but his mother’s broken eyes flashed in his mind. He never knew his dad, never got the chance to, but he felt anger for her because as shitty of a parent his mother became after George Kirk’s death she never deserved to feel the loss of a soulmate so young.

“ - the drill has been destroyed.”

Relief flooded his veins the same moment he was able to breathe again. He took deep, gasping breaths as Nero yelled Spock’s name like his soulmate had just kicked Nero’s favorite puppy. There was no time to dwell or to let his worry consume him because there was still Nero’s evil sidekick with him and he’d rather not brush death that closely again anytime soon thank you very much. He quickly calculated if he could make the jump to the platform they stood on and the one below him, it’d be close but fuck it he didn’t have very many options.

The next few moments happened in a blur, he was sure that he would be dead but by some sheer dumb luck, he managed to grab the Romulan’s gun and get himself out of certain death for the second time. Yeah, Bones was so going to kill him when he saw the marks on his neck deepen from being choked _again_.

With Nero properly distracted by Spock, he moved quickly through the ship and it seemed the other Romulans were too preoccupied following Nero’s crazy ass orders so that they didn’t wind up dead themselves. The moment he laid eyes on Chris he knew this plan of theirs was actually going to work because Chris was alive and they jumped to warp. “What are you doing here?” Chris snapped the moment he came into the older man’s line of sight.

He just shot the man a cocky grin. “Just following your orders, sir!” The words were far too cheerful but after the hellish day they all have endured, a little cheer was probably exactly what they needed.

After Chris took one last Romulan down, he found himself on the transporter pad on the Enterprise and they did it, they actually fucking did it. Bones became a flurry of action as he barked orders to the medics he brought with him to the room and for a moment he allowed himself to admire the man before him and how effortless Bones shouldered leadership and commanded respect. Spock stepped closer to him and there was a moment where the two of them stared at Bones with relief and Bones stared right back with eyes that definitely shined with tears. “The two of you are to report to Medbay when all of this is over,” Bones said softly without his usual bite behind the words as he reached forward and grabbed their hands in his own. That was all they allowed themselves to have though before Bones took off towards Medbay and he and Spock sprinted back up to the Bridge.

The turbolift didn’t seem to move fast enough and Spock pressed him against the wall and crashed their lips together. He reacted immediately and it was like his first kiss with Bones, all electricity, and desperation but filled with deep affection that promised more. It left him breathless in a way he wanted to revisit, but before they could continue Spock stepped away and the door opened to the Bridge.

And as they stepped out of the 'lift he knew that this was where the three of them belonged.

 

◎

 

As Jim left the ship that housed the red matter, he experienced an intense unpleasant feeling. For once he wished that his mind did not immediately set to calculate the plan’s chance of complete success. Normally he found that statistics comforted him if he could be bold enough to admit such a thing, but in this instance, he found he wanted to believe Jim wholeheartedly.

He did not allow himself to dwell on the matter for long as he sat down and began to figure out how to get the ship off the platform and out into the void of space. It appeared he did not need to analyze the controls for very long and it was as though the ship had tapped into his mind and reacted to what he needed it to do. There were a few tense moments where he did not believe he’d be able to break the hull of Nero’s ship with the weapons that his provided, but at what could only be the very last moment the dark metal shredded apart and left enough of an opening for Spock’s ship to slip through.

It was easy to disable the drill now that he had control of this advanced ship and a small part of himself detested what he would be required to do to it if Nero played into the plan they had developed. The ship beneath him jumped into warp almost effortlessly and yes, that small part of himself was horrified that such technological advances were about to be destroyed.

The Enterprise arrived shortly after he turned the ship around to set it on a collision course with the Narada and the flurry of action that ensued was not something Starfleet Academy’s simulations could ever prepare him for. Perhaps Jim had been right in his attempt to change the parameters of the Kobayashi Maru. Just when he thought he would collide into the Narada along with the ship, he felt the familiar warm feeling of being beamed back aboard the Enterprise.

Jim’s breathing was wild next to him and he found himself extremely relieved that Jim had managed to find Pike and they both made it back onto the Enterprise successfully. However, it was Leonard who grabbed his attention the most and he felt his heart squeeze almost painfully in his side at the sight of unshed tears in Leonard’s eyes. The relief that radiated off the other man was nearly tangible, even though such an observation was illogical. Still, he could not discredit his initial observation when Leonard reach out and grabbed both his hand as well as Jim’s. Later, he would explain to his soulmates the significance of what holding hands meant to him, for now, though he enjoyed the contact and the unfiltered emotions he gleaned from Leonard. Most prevalent was relief but beneath it he could feel love and exasperation.

It did not surprise him when Leonard demanded that they find him in the Medbay once they escaped the black hole that currently formed at the center of the Narada.

Even though logically he knew time did not slow down and had moved on at its normal rate, he could not deny that abruptly everything around him seemed to move at an accelerated pace as he ran beside Jim to the turbolift that would bring them to the Bridge. He had not planned on kissing Jim, at least not until he had discussed everything with both Jim and Leonard, but he found he could not control the urge as he pressed Jim against the wall.

Jim was beautiful when he was breathless and it took all his willpower to pull away before the turbolift door opened to the Bridge.

“The enemy ship is losing power. Their shields are down, sir.” Mr. Chekov said immediately and he found himself feeling grateful that the crew continued to operate at maximum efficiency in their positions despite the numerous changes in command. Though, he may have to credit some of that to Jim’s natural charisma and leadership. It astounded him how Jim embraced the role of Captain without any arrogance he had previously believed.

Jim’s voice was full of authority that was far beyond his twenty-five years when he said, “Hail them now.”

There was a sharp stab of anger in the back of his mind the moment Nero’s face appeared on the viewscreen and he was not at all surprised by its presence. “This is Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. Your ship is compromised. You’re too close to the singularity to escape, we are willing to provide assistance.”

Shock was not an emotion that he would normally admit to feeling but in this instance, he could not help as it flooded his veins at Jim’s words. Jim must have sensed this because the other man turned to look at him and then turned his back fully to the view screen. He mimicked Jim’s movements. “Captain? What are you doing?”

It appears for a moment that Jim was about to laugh, but his soulmate managed to tamper the inappropriate reaction down. “I figured if we show them compassion, it may win us peace with the Romulans. It’s logical Spock, I thought you would like that.”

There was a beat of silence while he mulled over the words before he said, “No, not really. Not this time.”

Before they could turn around and face Nero once more the Romulan spit that he would rather die than have Jim help him. He was pleased when Jim didn’t hesitate and said to Nero, “You got it. Arm phasers, fire everything we got.”

As much as he desired to remain by Jim’s side he moved to his station near Nyota and let Jim do his duties as Acting Captain. Moments later he knew something was wrong when Jim gave the order to jump into warp but the black hole continued to pull them in. Immediately he thought of Leonard and how he desired for his other soulmate to be up on the Bridge with Jim and himself while they were sucked in. However, in what he began to realize was the Jim Kirk Effect, they ejected the warp cores and rode the blast wave out of danger.

There was a moment of total silence on the Bridge before Jim released a shaky breath that seemed to break whatever spell the rest of the Bridge Officers found themselves stuck under. Immediately Jim turned in the Captain’s chair and caught his gaze with his own.

“Dammit Jim, what the hell just happened?” Leonard’s voice broke across the Bridge and immediately he felt exasperation at his overly emotional soulmate.

Jim just laughed. “Sorry Bones, we had a little trouble breaking away from the black hole.”

There was a sigh before Leonard replied, “A little warning next time would be nice, _Captain_ ,” the title was said sarcastically but Jim did not seem upset by this from what he could tell.

Leonard broke the connection and he watched Jim sigh before the man stood from his chair. “Uhura, try to get in touch with Command, tell them that Nero has been neutralized and that we had to eject our warp core, comm me when you get a response. Spock, come with me. We need to get an assessment from Scotty on the engines. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long trip back. Sulu you have the conn.”

Everyone followed Jim’s orders without any hesitation and he once more found himself astonished by the way the crew listened to Jim as though he was the original Captain assigned to the Enterprise. He would be truly surprised if the Admiralty did not let Jim keep his field promotion once they received the full report and debriefing on the events that occurred today. “Of course, Captain,” he said as they walked into the turbolift once more.

The moment the door closed it seemed Jim believed it was his turn to push him against the wall and kiss him. He could not find a logical reason to push Jim away and so instead he placed his hands on Jim’s hips and pulled the other man flush against him. “Fuck Spock, you’re really good at that,” Jim said as they pulled away. “Should I be jealous of who you practiced Human kissing on before me?”

Even though he knew the words were said in a teasing manner, he answered the rhetorical question, “I have never kissed anyone in the Human or Vulcan way until I met you and Leonard today. It was not logical to pursue a romantic relationship when I had a soulmate - or rather soulmates.”

The look that crossed Jim’s face was not one he could comfortably decipher. “Oh my god, are you serious Spock? You kiss that good and you’ve _never_ done it before? Fuck Bones and I are so screwed.”

He raised an eyebrow because Jim did not make any sense. “I fail to see how you and Leonard are ‘so screwed’ as you put it.”

Jim stepped away from him and laughed but when he looked into those blue eyes he only saw affection. The same kind of affection he would often catch his mother giving his father when he said something she believed to be ‘adorably Vulcan’. “We are because you are going to be amazing in bed if you kiss like that with no previous experience.”

His eyebrow rose higher but Jim did not have time to explain further because the turbolift opened and they walked into the Engineering Department. Mr. Scott descended upon them almost immediately. “I cannae believe you made me do that Captain.”

Jim just waved Mr. Scott off as though the distressed man was overreacting. (He was inclined to agree.) “It was either that or let her fall into a black hole, Scotty.”

“Who is this ‘her’ you speak of?” he asked.

Mr. Scott turned his wildly emotional gaze onto him and he found himself questioning his choice to join Starfleet and surround himself with such illogical and emotional humans. Before Mr. Scott could answer the question in a manner that would no doubt leave him with more questions, Jim spoke. “The Enterprise. It’s a leftover thing from the really old days on Earth when sailors would call their ships female pronouns.”

Ah. Humans would continue to puzzle him.

Jim turned back to Mr. Scott. “So what’s the prognosis, Scotty? How much can we push her?”

There was a moment that he believed that Mr. Scott would continue to argue with Jim about the order to eject the warp cores and he was fully prepared to remind Mr. Scott that it had originally been his idea. Thankfully, he found he did not need to do such a thing when the engineer launched into a flurry of details. “So basically Captain in her current state we cannae push her too hard. I would not advise using the thrusters for more than six hours at a time. After each six hour interval, we’ll need to give the engines _at least_ an hour of rest before using thrusters again. I’ll do what I can to milk some more time out of her, but most of the parts I would need to fix the worst of the damage won’t be onboard.”

The calculations were easy enough to quickly do in his head while Jim’s face took on a look of concern. “Captain, based on our current position and restrictions we have to the thrusters it will just just three point four weeks to reach Earth’s space dock.”

Before Jim could respond his communicator beeped. “Kirk here.”

“Sir, I heard back from Command. They said the closest ship to our location is two and a half weeks away at maximum warp.”

It appeared Jim did not like Nyota’s answer, but there was not much else they could do about it. “I am sensing there’s more to that.”

Nyota hesitated for only a fraction of a second before she answered Jim’s unspoken question. “They said they could not spare to send them our way. All remaining ships have been ordered to the Neutral Zone.” She did not seem pleased with this information any more than Jim did.

“Thank you Uhura,” Jim said before he closed his communicator. “Well, it looks like we got our work cut out for us huh Spock?”

He tilted his head in agreement, indeed the would be ‘swamped’ as his mother would put it. Before he could speak, Jim continued. “Thank you, Scotty, please let me know if you need an extra pair of hands.” They left the Engineering Department shortly after and he could tell that Jim was tense at the thought of covering such a vast distance with only thrusters available to him. “We should make our rounds around the other departments, assess the damage, assign quarters to the Vulcan Elders and your parents, see what we can repair around the ship, figure out a shift rotation so no one drops -”

While what Jim said was true he could not stand to see the look of stress that appeared on his soulmate’s face and lined his shoulders, so he cut off Jim’s words with a quick, barely there kiss. It was enough, however, to stop the other man short. “We will do all those things, Jim. However, I believe Leonard was serious in his request that we visit Medbay. It has already been three point six hours since we escaped the black hole and I’m sure he is not pleased.”

Jim’s face was uncharacteristically blank for several moments before he sighed. “Has it really already been that long?”

He nodded curtly. “Yes.”

“He must be in surgery still if he hasn’t commed either of us yet, so let’s try to knock a couple things off that list until he does,” Jim said with far too much exhaustion. However he could not find a reason to argue with Jim further, it would only distress the man before even more.

“Of course, Captain. I will check the labs and speak with the Quartermaster about assigning rooms for the survivors,” he said.

Jim nodded before he straightened his posture and the visible signs of exhaustion were gone. “I’ll meet you at Medbay in two hours if Bones doesn’t yell at us to get our asses down there sooner. Keep me updated on any damages you find.”

It did not take him the full two hours to complete the tasks he had informed Jim he would perform and since he did not require nearly as much rest as Jim or his other Human crewmates he began to figure out a schedule rotation for the Bridge. Of course, Jim would have to give the final approval, but he could at least give his soulmate one less thing to worry about.

Just before the two hours was up, however, his communicator went off. “I thought I told you to get your ass down to Medbay after the shit storm was over?” Leonard said. The anger was evident by the tone of the other man’s voice however he did not believe Leonard was truly mad.

“How is Captain Pike?” he asked instead.

There was a sigh before Leonard replied, “That nasty bug those Romulans used had nearly infused itself in his spine. I got it out and he’ll make a full recovery eventually but he won’t be on his feet anytime soon.” The exhaustion was clear and he realized that he would likely need to force his soulmates to rest.

“Jim will be pleased to hear that,” he said before he continued. “I will arrive at the Medbay in three point four minutes.”

He did not allow Leonard to finish his response of “Why can’t you say a few minutes like everyone else?” when he snapped his communicator shut. He knew that Leonard would have already contacted Jim or was in the process of summoning their soulmate as he made his way through the familiar corridors. As the doors to Medbay opened he saw several security officers assisting the Elders to their quarters. His parents remained close to one another near the biobed his mother had sat upon earlier that day. Jim was nowhere in sight yet so he made his way over to them.

His mother smiled widely as he approached and he could tell by the twitch in her hand that she refrained from grabbing his hand like she had during his childhood. He found himself disappointed at her control. “Hello, Spock,” she greeted.

“Mother,” he said warmly and for once he did not care that his father was there to witness his breach of Vulcan control around her.

This seemed to amuse her as she looked at his father for a moment before she returned her gaze to him. “I hear we have been assigned somewhere to stay?”

He nodded. “Yes, it is on deck six -”

“What? No Spock, they’ll stay in the Captain’s quarters.” Jim said abruptly from behind him. He did not flinch from surprise, but it was a very near thing.

“Jim -” he began.

“I want them to be comfortable. I don’t feel right staying in there myself since I technically shouldn’t even be on board. Plus they're kind of my in-laws and I'd be a shitty son-in-law if I let them sleep in quarters we assign to Ensigns.”

His mother’s smile grew wider which was not something he thought was possible to achieve. “That is very kind of you, Jim.”

Heavy footsteps approached them and he turned to see Leonard walk their direction. “Ah, there are my two soulmates who are hell bent and determined to drive me into an early grave. You best not be harassin' our in-laws now Jimmy,” Leonard said gruffly and both of Spock's eyebrows rose in response.

Jim and his mother apparently found this amusing. His father and himself, on the other hand, were unsure of how to respond to the situation at hand. Leonard rolled his eyes with a huff and as Spock looked around him he realized that while he lost much today, he had gained infinitely more. The affection that grew within his heart as he watched his soulmates interact with his parents was not something Nero’s madness could taint.

 

◎

 

Yeah, he was definitely too old for all this crazy shit. Though as soon as he thought that he could hear Jim’s voice in his head saying _Thirty-one is hardly old Bones_. Which yeah, okay that was true but he felt so much older than that, especially when he had two soulmates who were determined to beam over into an enemy's ship and act like it was just another day in the office.

Thankfully though, the two brats made it back and before he could allow himself to worry too much over either of them, they were alive and relatively unharmed so he let them go and he focused on Pike. He knew how much the man meant to Jim and knew he would do everything within his power to make sure Jim didn’t lose the only father figure he had in his life.

When he emerged he looked around his Medbay and noticed that the chaos of the day had settled down to the normal hustle and bustle that was to be expected and wasn’t anything his staff couldn’t handle. His staff...yeah that was weird to think about. Today he was supposed to be another doctor, not the doctor that was to lead them all. It wasn’t a position he had wanted until Jim managed to work his way up to Captain, but somehow they both found themselves shouldering field promotions.

“Nurse Chapel,” he called out as she breezed past him. She stopped and for a moment she looked annoyed that he stopped her mid task but then remembered he was her boss technical and schooled her expression. Honestly, he could care less right now if she did give him an attitude, they were all running on too little sleep and were horribly understaffed. “Has Captain Kirk or Commander Spock come in?”

He already knew the answer before she said anything, but needed to confirm it before he yelled at either of them. “No sir, they haven’t.”

He barely repressed a sigh as he nodded curtly and turned around and headed into what should have been Puri’s office but now was his. His communicator was on the desk, thrown there in haste before he scrubbed into Pike’s surgery.

Jim was the first one he called. He didn’t even wait for Jim to say more than “Kirk here” before he started his rant. “When I tell you to come down to Medbay once the shit show is over I mean it Jim. Get down here right now or I will find you and hypo your ass into next year.”

“But you love my ass -”

Spock was far more pleasant to deal with in comparison, though he was still pissed off that neither of them cared to actually listen. And as he waited for them to show up he could see his whole future in front of him - stuck watching those two run off and getting into all sorts of trouble and winding up in his Medbay with their lives literally in his hands. Yeah, he was totally going to love all of that.

Before either of them showed up a medical Ensign asked for his help with one of the engineers who had wandered in after they hurt themselves repairing the engine after they escaped a godforsaken black hole. And naturally, that was the moment that both of them decided to actually show up.

He paused, aggravation completely forgotten as he watched Spock with his parents and Jim sneak up behind as if he could actually scare a Vulcan. Amanda seemed amused over the whole situation and she reminded him so much of his own mother, even though most of his memories were faded and he can’t remember the sound of her voice. He liked to think the two of them would have gotten along.

As he walked up, he was inwardly thrilled over the easy smile that pulled at Jim’s lips and Spock’s shoulders were not nearly as tense. He knew they weren’t completely out of the water yet, but for now, it was enough. Even though he wanted to yank both of his soulmates over to their own biobeds he refrained from doing just that when Spock and his father look utterly perplexed. Well, with Spock he could see it in the Vulcan’s eyes he just assumed that Sarek felt the same way.

“Jim, I believe Leonard is becoming impatient to assess our injuries,” Spock said after a few more minutes where they all talked to Amanda and Sarek. Jim looked like he was about to say something that would either land himself in hot water or spiral the conversation into something the ended in a debate.

Jim nodded absently but turned his full attention to both him and Spock when Spock reached out and grabbed Jim’s wrist. Amanda watched the exchange with a curious expression and he felt the beginnings of embarrassment in the back of his mind. “I think we’d like to rest now anyway. Don’t overwork yourselves, boys,” she said and paused beside Spock. He was pleasantly surprised when she reached out to cup Spock’s cheek and he allowed it. “Let us know when you three have a free moment together tomorrow.”

“Of course, Mother.”

And then they were gone, lead away by Security Ensigns who looked like they were about ready to drop at a moment's notice. They were all exhausted, hell he wasn’t too sure how he was still able to function well enough to manhandle his soulmates onto their biobeds, but somehow he did. Spock, of course, went without complaint but Jim swatted at him several times before he sighed and allowed it.

“Stop being such a toddler,” he growled.

Jim perked up at this and a smirk stretched across those delicious lips. “So I’ve been upgraded from an infant huh?”

“Temporarily. You did save Earth after all,” he said as he pulled at the hem of Jim’s shirt. Thankfully as he ran a tricorder over Jim after his visual assessment, there was nothing broken and no internal bleeding. “Well by some miracle Jimmy you managed to come out of everything relatively unscathed. You’ll be sore for a while, I don’t have any way to speed up the process unless it's for critical injuries right now.”

Jim shrugged. “It’s fine Bones. I’ve had to deal with worse than this.”

Dammit, he did not need that particular reminder right now, but he distracted himself by quickly checking over Spock, who only had minor bruises and cuts. They both got lucky and he was grateful they at least realized that it saved him a lecture or two.

“Dr. McCoy, why are you still here?”

He whirled around to see M’Benga walk into the Medbay with replicated coffee in his hand. “Making my two idiot soulmates aren’t hiding serious injuries from me.”

M’Benga raised an eyebrow and looked between the three of them before he shrugged. “They seem fine to me and you aren’t all worked up so I take it they actually are. Why don’t you get some rest? You’re the last one that hasn’t actually.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Spock looked at him sharply but before he could say anything M’Benga added, “Doctor’s orders.”

If today had been any other day he would have told M’Benga where to shove it because he was fine dammit, but the longer his two lovable idiots sat on their biobeds, the more he saw exhaustion creep into every line of their bodies. Even Spock who tried to remain stoic despite it all. “Fine, I’m officially handing things off to you for the next six hours. Don’t ruin anything,” he said as he set down the tricorder in his hand. “C’mon you two.”

He had no idea where the hell to go. His assigned quarters wouldn’t exactly be comfortable for three grown men to try and talk in let alone find some actual rest. Before he could voice his question, Spock said, “My quarters are this way.”

The moment the door to Spock’s quarters shut behind him, he had his arms full of Jim who latched onto him like his life depended on it. Though he certainly wasn’t about to complain as he hugged Jim back just as fiercely. Why couldn’t they all have been normal soulmates? The kind of people who would be content to sit their pretty little asses on a plot of land somewhere on Earth or Vulcan and work normal jobs that didn’t involve saving the world from a crazy Romulan.

He lifted his head from Jim’s shoulder and gazed at Spock who looked mildly uncomfortable and he couldn’t really blame the man. He only just found out about them today whereas he’s had two years to get used to James T. Kirk being one of his soulmates. “Come ‘ere Spock,” he said and held out his hand for the Vulcan to grab.

At his words, Jim removed an arm and blindly reached towards Spock while he continued to press his face into Leo’s neck. Spock only hesitated for half a second, maybe even less (the damn hobgoblin would be able to tell him) before he felt the man take his hand. He pulled until Spock’s arms were around both of them. Jim sighed contently against his neck, sandwiched between them. “Perhaps we should continue this in bed?” Spock asked after a few moments.

He rolled his eyes before Jim even opened his mouth and said, “Why Spock if you wanted to get me in your bed all you had to do was ask.”

And perhaps he fell a little in love with Spock right then and there when the man only blinked at Jim’s lewd comment. “I believe I just did.” Jim pouted at the lack of reaction and as he untangled them he ruffled Jim’s hair as he made his way towards the bed. He could sleep for days he was sure, but there was still so much to be done that even six hours would be pushing it.

“Here, let me help,” Jim said softly as he pulled at Leo’s boots until they were off his feet. Spock took them from Jim’s hands and neatly placed them by the couch. “Darlin’s ‘m pretty sure I’m the one suppose to be takin’ care of you,” he mumbled through a yawn.

Spock leaned down and helped him out of his shirt. “Nonsense Leonard,” he said. “You deserve to be taken care of as well.”

It only took a few minutes before he found himself sandwiched between Spock and Jim on Spock’s bed. “Spock?” he asked as he pushed away the fog of sleep for a few minutes more.

“Yes, Leonard?”

“You’re being remarkably acceptin’ of two soulmates,” he commented because frankly, he hadn’t expected to wind up in a tangled heap already on his soulmate’s bed. Especially not when Spock had pretty much hated Jim only a day ago. Was it a full day ago? Or was this moment still apart of the crazy twenty-four hours since the distress call reached the Admirals? Hell if he knew anymore.

Jim was quiet behind him, even though he knew the brat was awake. It appeared Jim wanted to know the answer to the question as well. Spock didn’t speak right away though and he wasn’t sure if that would end up being a good thing or something that would ruin whatever fragile thing they had between them. “I have spent my life since I was five standard years old waiting to meet my soulmate or rather soulmates. It would be illogical to waste time now that I have found you both. I believe that now more than ever after the events of yesterday with Vulcan.”

His heart broke when Spock uttered that last word and he knew Jim’s did as well. Vulcan was the planet that Spock grew up on, it was his home and now Spock would never be able to show him or Jim where he grew up and they would never get to imagine little Spock walking around all stoic and serious. “Spock…” he breathed and tightened his hold on the man.

Spock shook his head just slightly, but enough that he managed to catch it. “I...mourn the loss of my planet, but I am relieved that we still have Earth to share. It will not be the same Leonard, but it will be enough.”

Enough. It wasn’t fair that Spock would have to somehow find peace with the fact his home was ripped out of the universe by a man who was pissed off that no one could apparently save Romulus from its own destruction. But he kept his mouth shut because it wasn’t his place to tell Spock how to feel or how to handle a tragedy like this. Planets were lost to the natural order of the universe far more often than many believed, but rarely a planet the contained billions of souls was caught in the war path of a supernova blast, it was unfortunate but Vulcans were not miracle workers.

He took a deep breath before he riled himself up further. “I wish I could have shown you both Vulcan and perhaps one day I will if you will allow me to bond with you, but I am grateful Leonard that I have you both and my parents are also alive and well. My planet may be gone but I still have those in my life that matter far more.”

Right. He forgot that Spock could literally show him memories as though they were actually there. If that didn’t indicate he needed to sleep for at least a solid four hours he wasn’t sure what would. Because he knew that, of course, he did because the moment he realized he had a Vulcan soulmate he soaked up all the knowledge he could find on the Federation database. While he wasn’t sure how comfortable he would be to have Spock in his head, he also knew that it was important for his Vulcan to have a bond.

“I’d really like that Spock,” Jim spoke up and he craned his neck to catch the expression on Jim’s face, which showed raw pain but was also full of contentment and adoration. It was breathtaking. Spock apparently thought so because the Vulcan leaned down and kissed Jim fiercely and deeply before he pulled away.

Fuck that was hot.

It took Jim a moment to come back down to reality but when he did he turned to Leo with a sly grin on his face. He bit back a groan because that look usually meant something dirty was about to come out of his mouth and he was far too exhausted to actually do anything about it. “So Bones, Spock has never kissed anyone before today and let me tell you he’s fucking good at it. I seriously can’t wait until the sex. I’m pretty sure he is going to make us see stars.”

He huffed and shot Spock a glare. “I’d love to find out for myself how good he is,” he barked, but there was no bite behind his words.

And dammit it all to hell, Spock actually smiled at his words before he was pulled closer to Spock and felt warm lips pressed against his own. Despite his exhaustion, he moaned softly into Spock’s mouth and deepened the kiss. And dammit Jim was right because when Spock responded with enthusiasm he felt arousal stir low in his stomach.

“Yeah we’re totally screwed Jimmy,” he managed to say when Spock pulled away.

Spock looked smug when he caught his gaze and he shook his head in response. How he wound up with these two for soulmates would always be beyond him. But he loved Jim and he was well on his way to loving Spock as well. “I look forward to the moment I will be able to live up to your expectations.”

Jim groaned into the nape of his neck and he laughed bright and loud at the whole situation. Both his soulmates sat up enough to look at him and he shot them both a confused look. “What?”

When he didn’t get an answer he rolled his eyes and situated himself further into the comfortable pillows on Spock’s bed. “Leonard,” Spock breathed at the same time Jim said, “Bones.”

Jesus Christ, they all needed sleep because none of them were making any sense. “If you two are just goin’ to stare I’m goin’ to sleep.”

Just as he closed his eyes he heard them speak. “We must elicit that kind of laughter from Leonard again.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

Really? They looked at him like that because he laughed? Jim has certainly heard him laugh before and okay Spock hasn’t, but Spock is also a Vulcan who’s lived around humans long enough to know what laughter is. “You both are ridiculous,” he said through another yawn. “Now come wrap me up in your arms because you both put me through enough stress today to last me a lifetime.”

They complied immediately and he found home in their arms. In the morning (or evening? Who the fuck knew anymore) they would need to talk about a lot. Technically he and Jim were still Cadets and despite their temporary field promotions things were likely to go back to how they were for a little while at least. There was also the fact that Spock really didn’t know either of them. Sure, they all had their relationship baptized by fire but he didn’t even know what Spock’s favorite color was for Christ’s sake. (He probably didn’t have one - logical bastard that he is.)

He also didn’t miss the fact that somehow the first night he met both of his soulmates he wound up sharing a bed with them which once again seemed like the most natural thing in the world. (It was, but he had spent so long saying ‘fuck you’ to the whole notion of destined soulmates and shit it was hard to embrace all of it.)

“Leonard, you will never rest if you do not control your thoughts.”

Spock’s words brought him back to the present and he registered Jim’s soft snores and breath against his shoulder. When had Jim fallen asleep? “You readin’ my thoughts?” he asked.

“No, but I am able to sense that your mind is not calm.”

He shook his head as he sighed. “Sorry darlin’. It’s been one hell of a day and this is the first chance I’ve had a moment to realize everything that happened.”

It was easy to ignore the roller coaster that was his emotion when he had lives to save and a team to keep floating above the water instead of drowning and taking the injured down with them. Now though? Now his hands couldn’t find distractions and his mind was too tired to keep the memories of the day safely in the back of his mind. “I can calm your mind if you will allow me.”

He stiffened for only a moment but it was long enough that Spock felt it. Before his soulmate could utter a word he pressed a finger against Spock’s lips. “I trust you, really I do. And I want to be here for you in every way you need me to be darlin’ but it’ll just take me a little while to get used to the idea of you being in my head. I appreciate the offer but I think a kiss will do just fine for now.”

Spock seemed like he wanted to protest, but he either was too exhausted himself to argue or he actually trusted Leo’s words. He prayed it was the latter. The kiss was gentle and nothing like the one from earlier, it seemed Spock poured all of his emotions into him through it. As he pulled away Spock murmured against his lips, “If you do not wish to bond with me I will not force you, Leonard. We still have much to learn about each other and a love to nurture. Simply you by my side will remain enough.”

Fuck. Just fuck. How the hell did Spock wind up being the best one out of the three of them with expressing his feelings? Perhaps this was why the universe stuck Spock with Jim and himself. They could learn a thing or two from him. Though stuck seemed like such a harsh word when he remembered that Jim deserved to feel wanted and loved and cherished after the hell that was his childhood. It seemed none of them had pleasant childhoods and maybe they were the only ones in the whole damn universe that could understand each other. However, words failed him altogether in that moment and he just stared at Spock with wonder because they were lucky, so incredibly lucky. “Do it,” he said once he found his voice. 

“Are you certain?” Spock asked and he wanted to laugh again but refused to wake Jim up. 

“After that little speech? Yes. Just...nothing too crazy alright?” 

Spock nodded and as his long, slim fingers caressed his cheek before moving to his temple he closed his eyes. The moment Spock’s hand stopped moving he immediately felt order in his mind and everything that was unpleasant was placed into the back of his mind where it belonged for now. His mind seemed to hum in contentment at the sudden calm and the longer he basked in that contentment the warmer he felt. Far too soon Spock’s fingers moved down and trailed along his jaw and he made a soft noise of protest but the warm feeling thankfully remained behind. “Rest Leonard, we will be here when you wake.”

And for the first time that whole day, he knew those words were wholeheartedly true. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm nearly tempted to let the story end here, but I have two future scenes written out already that I wouldn't want to go to waste. Also, I love writing these boys so much that I need to put them through all the angst and sadness of Into Darkness and Beyond. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you want to follow my behind the scenes updates on this fic and sometimes even some WIP snippets of the upcoming chapter give me a follow on [tumblr](http://ofuhura.tumblr.com/). 
> 
> Also, I apologize for any glaring typos or errors. I wanted to get this up before I went to bed. I'll likely clean up my mistakes tomorrow when I've actually rested some haha. 
> 
> Until next time <3


	4. Refit I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if I worried so many of you that I wouldn't continue this fic!! I definitely always planned on it and I was just babbling my exhausted thoughts about how each section had a nice ending ring to them the last chapter. I'll be honest with you guys I have a feeling this fic is going to be...incredibly long. The more I write, the more these boys want their story to be heard. Every single part of it. 
> 
> Which means, don't be surprised if this turns into a sprawling 100k+ (hell maybe even 200k+) word fic because I have every intention to tell their story all the way through the end of Beyond and we're already at 40k words without reaching where Jim's given the Enterprise. Because of this, I will definitely be looking for a Beta soon. If you know anyone who would be willing to help me out or you are willing to help me out yourself I would appreciate it!! Fair warning I will likely ramble a whole lot and cry over these three beautiful boys haha. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys will enjoy this crazy journey with me. :)

◎

 

Over three weeks limping through space was not something he ever wanted to repeat. Most of the crew seemed to grow restless after just a few days which meant they got themselves into situations they shouldn’t have been in and wound up in his Medbay. At the end of the day though, he couldn’t really blame them, most of the experiments on board were ruined when Nero first attacked the Enterprise and Scotty pretty much banned an excessive use of power in any station he didn’t deem necessary. Which meant pretty much the only ones who were busy enough to hold themselves over until they made it back to Earth were Engineering, Medical, and the Bridge.

Everyone else, well they tried to be helpful where they could and anyone who had any kind of engineering experience was snatched up to assist Scotty.

He sighed as he threw his PADD across his desk and sank into the chair wearily with his head in his hands. When he looked up a few minutes later though he nearly shouted. “Spock,” he breathed instead. “You can’t sneak up on a man like that.”

His soulmate looked mildly apologetic before Spock sat in the chair opposite him. “Leonard, you have not slept in eighteen point two hours. Your shift ended four point six hours ago and yet you are still in the Medbay.”

Okay, so yeah when he figured out shift rotations for his staff he hadn’t really planned on following it himself. Apparently, that was the wrong idea to have when one of your soulmates remembered _everything_. “I can’t exactly turn the crew away when they wander in here askin’ for my help,” he said gruffly.

This answer didn’t seem to please Spock and he just sighed again as he closed his eyes. “Did Jim send you?” he asked after several moments of silence.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Spock had stiffened more than usual. “No. It appears that I need to allocate more of my day to ensure the two of you follow the schedules that were created to allow maximum efficiency and rest.”

Well, it didn’t surprise him all that much that Jim was practically doing the same thing. Hell, he was surprised Jim even agreed to create a schedule for himself. The man was always determined to run himself into the ground whenever he faced a problem. “I’m sorry Spock, I don’t want to add more to your plate,” he said because it was true. As much as he wanted to work until his body forced him to rest he didn’t want to stress Spock out more than he likely already was.

“I do not fully comprehend the meaning behind that metaphor, however, I will accept your apology if you will retire to our quarters with me now. Jim will likely already be asleep by the time we arrive.” Well damn, if Spock already wrangled Jim to sleep, he really felt like a dick now for keeping Spock from doing the same.

With a tired nod, he rose from his chair and walked through Medbay with Spock close on his heels. He caught M’Benga’s eye as he left and the man shot him a small smile and a curt nod. At least he had some small graces and M’Benga had accepted the responsibility of being his second without a single complaint.

Halfway to their quarters, he realized that he should have left Medbay hours ago because the corridor definitely wasn’t supposed to sway except when crazy bastards were trying to blow up the ship. He stumbled slightly and shot out a hand to catch him. Spock gripped his hand with ease and wrapped around his shoulders. “Why must you and the Captain insist on pushing the limitations of your Human bodies?”

He laughed because just two nights ago Spock had no complaints about their Human bodies. Spock shot him a glare - or well the Vulcan equivalent - when he sagged even more. Thankfully it only took a couple more minutes before Spock’s - no _their_ \- door opened and revealed the cozy quarters that was currently filled with Jim’s soft snores. “‘M not sure how you put up with us Spock,” he mumbled as he fell face first onto the bed beside Jim.

The sudden movement started Jim away and he jerked up which caused Leo to laugh again. God, he needed sleep. Spock sighed behind him as he pushed back some of Jim’s hair from his forehead. “It is just Leonard and myself Jim, please lay back down.”

“‘Ones?”

He kicked off his boots and threw himself across Jim’s chest as he said, “Yeah it’s me.” The momentum caused Jim to fall onto his back and the air to escape his lungs.

Jim’s arms automatically wrapped around him and he sighed in contentment as he burrowed his face into the crook of Jim’s neck. Spock’s familiar weight dipped the bed behind him as the Vulcan climbed in. And now Leo was completely content as Spock’s hand rested against Leo’s hip and pressed his face between Leo’s shoulder blades. He knew he should move so that Jim could take full breaths, but he found himself far too comfortable and before he knew it he slipped off into unconsciousness.

The next morning he felt far more rested than he had the last three weeks and he was happy that tomorrow they’d reach Earth and could get off this ship. The thought of returning to classes that would be over half empty was not something he looked forward to, however. His thoughts were interrupted by a gentle question, “Good morning Leonard, may we sit with you?”

He looked up to see Amanda and Ambassador Sarek (he still couldn’t bring himself to call Spock’s father by his name alone) and he smiled. “Of course,” he said as they sat down before him. It pleased him to see that Amanda’s minor injuries had healed up nicely and she no longer walked with a limp from the sprain in her ankle. Spock had felt guilty about his mother’s injuries, but he had reminded the stubborn man that at the time none of them had time to watch where they stepped as they fled the dying planet.

“It’s nice to see one of you boys taking the time to eat a full meal,” Amanda mused and when he looked at her more closely he could see her eyes were teasing even if her expression was pretty tame by human standards. “I was beginning to believe I would need to remind the three of you that you aren’t robots.”

And for the first time, he felt almost ashamed about working his long days. He wasn’t used to having a mother around who fretted and worried and in the last three weeks Amanda had clearly decided to adopt himself and Jim into her family. “Well, Spock made sure we actually got enough sleep. It was pretty hard this last week to try and sneak in more hours without him noticin’” he admitted. “And if I’m sure if I was in Medbay right now he would somehow know and drag me back here anyway to eat.”

Amanda seemed pleased to hear this. “You both are very precious to Spock and he is far more protective than he likes to lead on, so I am not at all surprised he made sure to keep an eye on your work hours.”

“It would be illogical to allow one’s soulmate or soulmates in this particular case continue to overwork themselves when you can intervene,” Sarek said and suddenly he understood why Spock was far more emotional than any other Vulcan he’d ever met, but still liked to deny such facts. Clearly, Spock had inherited his mother’s intuition, which was regarded as a Human trait, which obviously conflicted with the Vulcan way of logic.

This thought made him wonder once again what on Earth made Spock lose his control and wind up in a fight. (For that matter he didn’t think Vulcans even fought each other…)

Amanda shook her head, but a fond smile pulled at her lips. “Very true,” she said with only the barest hint of amusement. The rest of breakfast carried the conversation onto other topics, mostly his childhood and stories about Georgia. Amanda was very willing to supply him with embarrassing stories of Spock during his childhood though she did not bring up what caused her son’s black eye.

“Thank you for the company,” he said as he stood up with his tray. “But duty calls. Though if you could swing by the Medbay today Ms. Grayson,” he paused when Amanda shot him a pointed look, “ _Amanda_ , I just want to look at your ankle one last time to make sure it healed up properly.”

She smiled as Sarek inclined his head. “Of course.”

Thankfully the rest of his day was pretty tame in comparison to the previous two weeks. He would never understand how engineers could be so damn reckless or hardheaded. Honestly they made Jim look like a goddamn saint in comparison, which was ridiculous because his soulmate avoided the Medbay if he was hurt or ill and only liked to waltz in when it was to steal him away to lunch or drop down on his knees the moment Leo’s office door shut.

He looked over Amanda’s ankle quickly an hour before his shift ended and sent her on her way when everything checked out. She seemed eager to be somewhere else while she sat on the biobed and he wasn’t going to keep her. Though she was far more polite about it than Jim would have been or hell even Spock. Those two probably cursed the universe deep down in their souls at the fact he was a doctor. Well tough shit for them.

By some miracle though, he made his way to their quarters and not ten minutes later both Jim and Spock walked in. He was sorely tempted to kiss them senseless, but he could see they were both tired, not that either of them would actually admit to such a thing. So they fell into bed like most other nights since the Narada fiasco and drew comfort in the fact they were all whole and alive. He knew they should talk about what the hell they would do once dirtside, but apparently, each of them was afraid to shatter the bubble they had created the last three weeks. Even Spock, who he figured would want to discuss their relationship the moment the madness settled down, didn’t say a word.

Everyone was tense the next day. There was no denying that the moment they stepped off their shuttle in San Francisco the press would fight each other to get to them, to shove camera’s in their faces so that their arrival could be broadcasted across every holoscreen in the Federation.

Jim did his best to lighten the atmosphere when he and the other Alpha Bridge crew members boarded the final shuttle. And he found himself amazed that somehow Jim had managed to pick up the pieces of his life after whatever happened to him and smile as if none of it happened. Jim managed to get Chekov to laugh and the young genius’ shoulders relaxed. Sulu and Nyota followed suite because it was clear that everyone decided that Chekov with his bright smiles was to be protected at all costs. It was endearing to watch and he couldn’t help but smile when he realized somehow, the seven of them had decided that they were family. When he came out of his thoughts, he saw five shocked faces, one outright amused one and one that only showed amusement in his eyes.

“What?” he grumbled. “Do I have something on my face?”

Chekov shook his head. “No Doctor, we have never seen you smile before.”

He huffed and crossed his arms as he rolled eyes. Jim outright laughed at those words and Spock had to rest a hand on Jim’s shoulder to get him to calm down. “Wait until you get him to laugh for the first time, I dare you not to fall in love with him,” Jim said. No one had time to respond as the shuttle landed, but he managed to throw Jim a glare before they all rose and braced themselves for what was about to come.

In the end, Starfleet had actually done something right for once and the press was so far back from their shuttle that he could actually think. His eyes scanned the crowd before he remembered that no one was left to welcome him back home. Jim didn’t either for that matter, though he had hoped Winona would have shown up regardless of the rocky relationship she had with her son.

Spock’s parents, however, waited nearby. Their shuttle had been one of the first to come down and as Amanda wrapped Jim up into a hug, he was so grateful that perhaps now Jim would actually experience a mother’s love. He let out a surprised sigh when Amanda also wrapped him up into a hug and smiled at her when she pulled away to stand beside Sarek.

They didn’t have much time to talk amongst themselves before Jim and Spock were whisked away to debriefings and his presence requested at Starfleet Medical to go over Pike’s charts with the doctor who would take over his treatment while on Earth. He barely bit back his remarks about how he should be the one to continue with Pike, but the words dissolved on his tongue when he saw it would be Boyce who took over. And he would deny to his dying day the look he saw on both men’s faces when he looked up from his PADD. Relief and love etched every line and he wondered if one day his own would reflect the sheer terror that shined in Phillip Boyce’s eyes as looked at Pike.

“I should have been up there with you, Chris.”

There was a short silence before Pike answered, “No. I couldn’t have lived with myself if you had died.”

He walked away from Pike’s room then because it was rude enough he eavesdropped as long as he did. The rest of the day was a blur between the medical examination he had to endure, to which he wanted to say protocol could fuck off, and then being pulled in every direction possible once he was deemed healthy and fit as a fiddle. He tried to ignore how the doctor’s lounge was far too empty, far too silent. So many colleagues lost, so many brilliant minds snuffed out far before their time because of…

No, he couldn’t allow his thoughts to wander back there. Not right now. Not ever if he had anything to say about it. Hours slipped by and he was forced to leave the hospital when it was finally his turn to stand before the Admiralty and defend each and every one of his decisions.

It was no surprise that a few of the Admirals wanted his head for sneaking Jim on board despite his academic probation at the time. He not so kindly reminded them that Spock formally dropped his charges and that to ground a top tier cadet during a crisis was illogical. (Another thing he would deny until his dying day - Spock’s logic rubbing off on him.) On and on it went for what felt like forever after the long day he experienced at Starfleet Med but in the end, they could find no fault in his leadership as Chief Medical Officer. When he left the room, he had expected to see Jim and Spock waiting for him because they had to be done with their own debriefings by now surely. Instead, he saw the rest of the Bridge crew.

“Have y’all been here all day?” he asked and hoped the answer would be a resounding no.

They all nodded and looked far more tired than they had the last three weeks. He supposed having stuffy old Admirals who haven’t been in the black for at least a decade question your every decision could wear someone down more than a goddamn firefight in space.  “The Keptin and Kommander are still being debriefed, we thought we would wait for them.” Chekov finally said after Leo mentally strangled each Admiral in his head.

He nodded and sat down between Nyota and Sulu. Nyota rested her head against Scotty’s shoulder and he raised an eyebrow at the pair. Scotty smiled at him sheepishly when he lifted his wrist to show the small burn and before he could yell at the Chief Engineer for not coming down to his Medbay to get that fixed he saw the same mark mirrored on Nyota’s wrist. “I’ll be damned,” he said and laughed. “Looks like you owe Jim one Ny,” he teased.

She shot him a glare, but it was all bark and no bite. “Don’t you dare tell him, I’ll never hear the end of it.” Her words only made him laugh harder and perhaps it was partly due to the exhaustion that crept into the corners of his mind.

“Bones if you keep that up Spock and I will have to fight for your attention,” Jim’s words practically floated down the hallway and all five of them jerked their heads to spot Jim and Spock heading their way. Jim looked utterly exhausted and he knew Spock must be as well, even though his Vulcan soulmate walked down the hallway as if it was just another day.

The seven of them stayed there for a little while and he figured Jim didn’t want to leave just yet. Jim didn’t believe that he’d be given the Enterprise when it was all fixed up despite what he and Spock said. And so he honestly believed that he would never see everyone together like this ever again. Stupid fool boy, he thought to himself before they all admitted defeat and gave into their exhaustion one by one until it was just the three of them left.

It was in that moment that he realized he had no idea where the hell they would stay. He knew that Jim wouldn’t want to go back to the Academy dorms that would be far too empty (hell he didn’t want to either) and neither of them knew if Spock had a place of his own. “I do not believe we would be comfortable in my apartment,” Spock said when he voiced his concern moments later. “However, my parent's house has ample room and they will allow us to stay with them as long as we need.”

As much as he didn’t like the idea of imposing on Spock’s parents like that, he knew they really had no other option. “Alright, if you’re sure they won’t mind,” he said.

Spock’s eyebrow rose slightly and he huffed out a weak laugh at the sight. “I am certain they will not. In fact, I am sure my mother would be quite distressed if she found out we did not stay together tonight because of sleeping arrangements that were not ideal.”

And that settled it. When they arrived at the home several minutes later, he had to stop and admire the Victorian era architecture. Though it was no surprise that Sarek and Amanda had secured themselves such a nice home whenever the Ambassador needed to stay on Earth. Spock entered the code and when they entered the house was dark, which only reminded him how exhausted he was. Somehow though, they wound up in the kitchen with cups of tea in each of their hands. He wasn’t much of a tea man himself, but Spock had refused to make them coffee so late in the day. “Anyone get demoted or kicked out of Starfleet?” he asked half teasing, half serious when the silence became too much.

“Nope, you’re still stuck with us Bones,” Jim replied before Spock could. “For now at least. We have more debriefings tomorrow so that could change.”

He set his cup of tea down on the counter a little harsher than was warranted, but neither of his soulmates seemed to notice. “What on God’s green Earth do they have left to discuss with the pair of you?”

Spock seemed confused by the idiom he used, but kept the question to himself when Jim sighed beside him. “They have yet to discuss the circumstance that forced me to step down as Acting Captain or that Jim and myself broke regulation by leaving the Enterprise without a clear chain of command if we should have died on the Narada.”

He didn’t really need more reasons to hate the Admiralty, but he found himself presented with another one. They had to always complicate matters or waste time. “Total bullshit that they’re draggin’ this all out if you ask me,” he grumbled.

“We appreciate your frustration, Bones,” Jim said.

They finished their drinks in silence before they cleaned up the small mess they made. His eyes drifted towards the staircase and when Spock caught him, the Vulcan suggested they finally retired for the night. Jim murmured his agreement as they made their way to their temporary room.

When they settled into bed, he drifted off to the sound of Jim’s voice, “G’nigh’ Bones. G’nigh’ Spock.”

 

◎

 

He was pissed. Not that anyone outside of Bones or Spock would ever get to know that, he learned a long time ago how to mask his true feelings. So when the Admirals wanted to debrief him and Spock for the second day in a row, he was downright furious. They had been through enough and he could only imagine they dragged his crew through the same useless meetings as well.

The only saving grace through all of the bureaucratic bullshit was that he and Spock were rarely separated most of that twenty-four hour period they were together in some capacity.

He saw red when they ordered him to return to the Academy to finish his courses. Spock had to send him a look that clearly (at least to him) told him to keep his mouth shut so he didn’t wind up in trouble. It seemed utterly pointless to return to his classes, especially after he was a Captain for over three weeks. But he knew that they couldn’t send him anywhere else really. All the other ships were at the Neutral Zone and wouldn’t return anytime soon.

Not that he expected to be posted anywhere good once he did graduate. When they dismissed him, he expected that they would do the same for Spock. However, they requested his First Officer remain behind. And he really needed to stop thinking like a Captain, despite how amazing it felt as they limped back to Earth. He shot Spock a concerned look, but the other man just stared at him with a blank expression.

As he left Starfleet Command, he knew Bones would be working at Starfleet Med for several more hours even though the man got up before Spock even to start his day. Another reminder of how many souls were lost thanks to Nero.

He knew he should go to his and Bones’ old dorm and grab a few things and some civilian clothing for them to change into but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to bring himself to walk those hallways again. The head of Starfleet Academy had announced that classes would resume in a week though he wondered how on Earth that would be possible when over half the instructors were…

His fingers curled into fists and he tried to push the rage and grief down to the dark depths of his mind where his Tarsus memories lived. But they refused to go and it wasn’t until his comm chirped that he relaxed. “Kirk here,” he said without sparing a glance at the ID.

“Calm down Jim, you’re leaving marks on my palms.”

Immediately he felt guilty. Bones was busy enough and he didn’t need the other man worrying about him in the midst of it all. “Sorry Bones, I’m fine. Just got a little wound up.”

Bones sighed on the other end. “It’s alright, kid. I’m gonna be stuck here for a while you and Spock gonna be okay?”

He shrugged even though he knew Bones couldn’t see. “Spock’s still stuck with the assholes.”

Another sigh. “Well don’t go lookin’ for any kind of trouble. Maybe go hang out with Sulu and Chekov. I’m sure the kid would love to see his Captain.”

He didn’t have time to remind Bones that he wasn’t their Captain anymore when the other man hung up, no doubt pulled into a surgery or to check in on a patient.

Later on, that day after Bones wrapped up his injured wrist, he knew the man regretted his suggestion. “Okay, so now we know that you three will get up to no good when left alone. Make sure to remember that Spock,” Bones said over his shoulder.

He grinned at Spock sheepishly though he didn’t regret blowing off some steam by cliff jumping. “Hey now, we didn’t just randomly jump off cliffs Bones. Chekov did calculations! He’s a genius so we were fine.”

Spock gave him a pointed look. “Jim, you also have an IQ that is considered to be genius and given the injury to your left wrist, you are not ‘fine’ as you claim.”

Amanda, of course, took this moment to come home and see him huddled on the couch with Bones and Spock standing halfway between the living room and front door. Her eyebrows rose in surprise but she just shook her head with a small smile. “I just ask that you patch Jim’s bloodier injuries up at a clinic,” was the only comment she gave before she calmly walked into the kitchen.

Bones laughed beside him and even Spock looked amused, at least that’s what he assumed Spock’s eyes showed. He still was trying to figure out all of his soulmate’s little ticks.

That night the three of themselves sat out on the back patio and even though the light pollution didn’t allow them to see many stars, there were still a few stubborn ones that broke through. Enough to remind them where they had spent the last month. “So, I’m off tomorrow,” Bones said casually.

“Oh yeah?” he asked quietly.

“I do not have any pressing engagements until 1500 tomorrow,” Spock said and abruptly he realized that this was the moment. The sky was clear above them, they weren’t horribly exhausted and the next several hours were theirs to do with as they wished.

He shifted in his seat to find a more comfortable position as Bones sighed beside him. “We really gonna do this darlin’s?”

“There is no logical reason we should not Leonard,” Spock said. “We have lived together for the last four point two weeks.”

“He has a point Bones,” he laughed as he tore his gaze from the sky. “This is what we’ve wanted since we boarded that shuttle. Even if we all met under normal circumstances I’d still vote to jump without looking.”

Bones’ scoffed. “That’s because you’re an adrenaline junkie.”

“Please clarify. What is an ‘adrenaline junkie’?”

He shot Spock a wide grin and answered, “It means someone who is addicted to situations that are usually dangerous so they can get drunk off the fear and excitement.”

“And our infant soulmate is one of them.”

Spock’s expression didn’t give any of his thoughts away but eventually, he said, “It appears I must endeavor to keep Jim in my sight at all times.”

Bones laughed over his “Hey!” but soon he succumbed to his own laughter and a comfortable, lethargic feeling crept into his soul as he realized these two men had become his home.

“I really should have expected that Spock would be the picky one,” Bones grumbled into the crook of his neck and he couldn’t help but agree. Every apartment they looked at that morning Spock had found something that made it unacceptable for them to live in. At this point, he would take the next place they saw just so they didn’t have to trek all over the city. And by some miracle, the next place seemed to meet whatever criteria that Spock had mentally composed. Though he couldn’t deny that he was glad they spent all morning looking at place after place because the one they stood in at that moment was beautiful. High ceilings, a wall of windows that looked over the bay and an open floor plan.

The moment all three of them stood in the master bedroom he knew this would be the one. “Does it come furnished?” Bones asked the realtor that showed it to them.

“It can if that’s what the three of you want to include in your offer.”

“We do,” he said immediately.

And that was how he ended up buying a beautiful apartment with his two soulmates. He had never planned on buying a home that would keep him rooted to one place, but it just felt right. Sure, they would be up in the stars most of the time once they got their assignments several months from now, but the thought of having a place to come back to that was theirs and theirs alone...well he couldn’t deny the warm feeling the flooded his chest at the thought.

“I can’t believe we bought a place,” Bones said as they finished signing the last PADD and were handed the keys several days later.

“I can’t believe we’re only five minutes away from our in-laws,” he said as he sat on one of the kitchen counters. Spock just rose an eyebrow but did not comment on his choice of a seat.

Bones rolled his eyes, “You love it, don’t try to deny it, Jimmy.”

He hadn’t planned on it. Amanda Grayson quickly became a fixture in his life just like her son and he knew the moment he watched Spock fret over her on the transporter pad that he had gained not one, but three new people in his life.

At least one aspect of his life had fallen into place.

“With all due respect sir, you can’t seriously be considering sending Scotty back to Delta Vega,” he said through barely contained frustration. Admiral Archer didn’t look the slightest bit put off by his tone, even though the man had every right to call him out for insubordination.

As a smirk tugged at the older man’s lips and confusion bloomed. “I’ll tell you what Cadet Kirk, I will be sure to suggest Lieutenant Commander Scott is assigned to assist with the repairs of the Enterprise and when those are completed that he remain as her Chief.”

He narrowed his eyes slightly because in his experience nothing came without a price. “What’s the catch?” he asked.

Admiral Archer’s smirk turned into a genuine smile. “All I ask for in return is a favor, you’re a bright young man and I am confident you will do great things in Starfleet once the metaphorical dust settles.”

The whole situation was unfair because frankly, Scotty’s part in saving Earth from Nero should have been enough to get him permanently off that stupid ice planet or at the very least Jim himself should have had enough pull to get that done, but he bit back those words. Spock would be disappointed if he got kicked out of Starfleet for telling an Admiral where to promptly shove it. Even if said Admiral is the famous Jonathan Archer. (Bones would probably yell but be proud underneath it all.) “Fine,” he said after he reigned in his emotions in the way Spock had taught him.

But all of it was worth it the moment Scotty ran up to him and shouted that he wasn’t going back to Delta Vega. However, he did get quite the surprise when Scotty turned to Uhura and swept her up into a kiss before he ran off to catch a shuttle to Riverside.

“Don’t say a word, Kirk,” she said as she fell into step beside him and Bones. Today was the first day back at the Academy and none of them were looking forward to it.

He shot her an affronted look and leaned against Bones. “Why Uhura, I’m offended that you would think I’d rub it in your face that I’m the reason you found him!” he cried.

Bones snorted and shoved him away. “Actually, it’s technically Spock’s doing since he marooned you on that icy planet of death.”

“Which he wouldn’t have done if I hadn’t argued with him!”

“By that logic then I get to take the credit since you wouldn’t have even been on board without me.”

“That’s beside the point.”

The good mood didn’t last long and the moment he walked into his first class he had to shove down the grief all over again. Memories of a time best forgotten banged against the walls that have been in place for over a decade. Halfway through his day, he knew he couldn’t just sit in classes until graduation rolled around, not after everything he did on the Enterprise. They couldn’t expect him to just sit on his hands and act as if nothing happened.

Shit did happen and that was abundantly clear by the classrooms nearly empty state. When he met Nyota after his second class he realized she had the same expression on her face. “This is pointless,” she said the moment he sat down with her in the mess. “We should be doing more than sitting in class.”

He wholeheartedly agreed. It was a waste really, sure there was maybe one class that he felt like he needed to attend because he was thrown into captaincy without any warning (he had just wanted to save the crew from Nero, had just wanted to make sure they could save Vulcan) and he certainly needed more finesse in that department.

Eventually, they, along with several other cadets of their class, demanded to be able to test out of many of their classes. Those like him who had IQs higher than the average Starfleet cadet offered to even teach the classes that remained vacant of an instructor. Starfleet was in bad shape, they all knew it and now wasn’t the time for them to fixate on the fact they had cadets doing the jobs seasoned officers should be doing.

“Frankly sirs, you can’t afford not to let us help you,” he said. Admirals Barnett and Q’tha didn’t look too thrilled about the solution he presented them but that was just tough shit.

It wasn’t long after his discussion with the admirals that part of himself wished he had kept his mouth shut. Between the three classes he taught, the two he still remained enrolled in and assisting his students outside of the classroom meant he hardly ever saw Bones or Spock, which to put it bluntly fucking sucked. The one saving grace was the fact he didn’t have to worry about moving a ton of his crap into their new home and when he dragged himself to their apartment off campus at God awful hours of the night, he could easily fall onto a comfortable couch and drift off.

Most mornings Spock would wake him with soft words whispered against the shell of his ear, a gentle hand that ran through his hair and the delicious aroma of coffee in his favorite mug. And most mornings he swore he fell in love with Spock at how he just seemed to fit into his life as if he always belonged. (Later, when the caffeine would kick in his mind supplied him with the answer - of course he did, he was one of his soulmates.)

Two months after the Enterprise returned to Earth, the three of them fell into a routine and they fought hard every day to make sure they managed to see each other at least once. Gradually, he stopped collapsing on the couch in their living room and instead managed to drag himself all the way into their bed. Bones liked to grump about how disgusting he smelled on the days he spent with his advanced hand-to-hand combat students, but each morning Bones would be pressed against him, face tucked into the crook of his neck. Spock usually woke up first as he had the earliest class of the day he had to teach, but the mornings he woke up before either of his soulmates he cherished.

He carefully untangled himself from Bones and Spock and made his way into the shower. It was quick and efficient and he cursed Spock for rubbing off on him so much. As he made his way out of their room he paused and stared sleepily at the two figures that were practically fused together on his couch and then the third curled up on the chair opposite.  

Nyota’s long hair spilled over Scotty’s shoulder and Chekov snored softly into the drool spot on the throw pillow. Somehow during the last two months, those who had been apart of the Alpha Bridge crew (plus Scotty) decided their home would be fair game to crash at. A smile tugged at his lips once his brain registered that they weren’t going to try and kill him.

As he started to make himself some coffee warm fingers brushed against his own and he smiled up at Spock. Immediately he began to make some tea as well. “Thank you,” Spock murmured as he moved to sit in one of the chairs at the kitchen island.

“Do we need to wake Bones up soon?” he asked when he set a cup of tea down in front of Spock. “I can never keep his schedule straight.”

Spock took a small sip before he answered, “Leonard does not need to be up for another one point three hours. I will ensure he is awake before I must leave to teach my first class.”

Before he could answer there was a soft groan from the other room and he looked around Spock to see Chekov stretch. He flinched slightly when the boy’s shoulder popped, but the young genius hardly seemed phased which reminded him once again how fucking young he was.

It didn’t take long before Chekov shuffled into their kitchen and blindly grabbed a mug down from the cabinet and poured himself some coffee. “I thought it was Sulu and Ben’s turn to house you last night?” he asked teasingly.

Chekov waved him off as he sank down into the chair beside Spock. “Yes Keptin, but Hikaru and Ben went on a date. I did not want to disturb,” the boy said. He barely understood half of what was said when Chekov was half asleep, but after two months he had started to get the hang of the kid’s accent.

He laughed softly as he finished off his coffee. “I wouldn’t want to crash that party either,” he said as he set the mug in the sink and made his way into the living room.

“Alright up and Adam you two lovebirds! I got coffee already made,” he said loudly above Nyota and Scotty. Thankfully Nyota was a light sleeper and stirred immediately. Scotty, on the other hand, took some more prompting before he blinked blearily up at him. “You don’t want to miss the shuttle to Riverside now do you?”

He shook his head as he walked away and into the bedroom, but not before he ruffled Chekov’s hair on the way. The kid swatted at his hand half-heartedly which only made him grin even more. Spock followed shortly after him, just as he yanked on his cadet jacket. “Remind me again how on Earth we wound up with roommates most nights,” he said.

“Precisely two point five days after we received the code to our home you informed Mr. Scott, Nyota and Mr. Chekov of our code and told them to ‘crash here whenever you need it’.”

He popped his head out of the closet. “Hey we have the room and I didn’t realize they would take me so literally!”

Spock’s eyebrow rose and he moved to clasp his hands behind his back. He just rose an eyebrow in return (though his eyebrow game was definitely not on the same level as either Bones or Spock). “You are under the impression that Leonard and I are bothered by their use of our home. I assure you we are not.”

“Well, I’m glad. I just...I don’t know I feel responsible for them,” he said with a shrug as he finished getting dressed for the day.

Before Spock could respond, he kissed the man soundly before he dropped a kiss on Bones’ temple. “I’ll be back at 1500 for an hour or so before I gotta head back out, will you be home then?”

Spock inclined his head as he said, “I will be here.”

And as he left their room, said goodbye to his friends and shut the front door behind him he realized that he wouldn’t want his life to be any different, not one single part.

 

◎

 

He was ninety-eight point two percent certain that his soulmates would not have been able to function in the weeks that followed the Narada incident had he not been around. As he watched Jim leave for the day, he barely repressed a sigh. Both of his human soulmates seemed to forget the limitations of their bodies and as a result, he had to carry them to their bed on several occasions.

“Does the lad ever stop?” Mr. Scott’s voice carried through the apartment when he finished changing into his instructor’s uniform and stepped into the living room.

What he had not anticipated occurring when he purchased the apartment with Leonard and Jim was the constant stream of guests. When he agreed to Jim’s suggestion to give their trusted colleagues the code to their home, he had calculated the likelihood they would utilize Jim’s open invitation to be only thirteen point four five percent.

Unfortunately, this would not be the first time he had miscalculated nor did he suspect it would be the last.

He remained silent as he moved to make some breakfast. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Chekov and Nyota shake their heads near simultaneously. “He’s Jim Kirk, which means not until he drops dead or Spock manhandles him back here,” Nyota’s voice was light and teasing so he responded with a slight raise of his brow.

It had the desired effect when she smiled at him over the rim of her coffee mug. “I would prefer it if Jim did not ‘drop dead’ as you so aptly put,” he said.

Mr. Scott laughed and he was not entirely sure as to why. Perhaps he will ask his mother later about Human expressions and idioms. It would only be logical to better understand Human ‘quirks’ when both of his soulmates were very much Human. Leonard in particular often says things that confuse him. “Thanks for letting us crash here so much Spock,” Nyota said once her soulmate’s laughter died down. “We’ll get out of your hair now, c’mon Scotty.”

“Aye lass, I cannae be late for my silver lady!”

When the door clicked behind them, he turned back to his breakfast and began to plate it. The porridge he made for himself never tasted quite like his mother’s but he was eighty-three point two percent certain she kept an ingredient from him so it was not much of a surprise.

Mr. Chekov had begun to doze off and before he could wake the young man again, Leonard emerged from their bedroom. “Dammit, I missed Jim didn’t I?”  

“You did,” he said as he began to eat his breakfast. Once he finished his first bite he continued, “He left ten point three minutes ago. Did you sleep well?”

Leonard grunted as he poured himself a cup of coffee. “You already know the answer.”

Indeed he did, however, he knew Humans enjoyed small talk in the early hours of the day when their minds were still between unconsciousness and consciousness. He had watched his father ask his mother that very question ninety point three percent of the mornings he was not off planet. Mr. Chekov took that moment to become semi-alert once more.

“What time is eet?”

Leonard looked at the chrono behind Mr. Chekov’s head and answered, “0700. You got somewhere to be kid?”

Mr. Chekov cursed in his native tongue as he rose from the chair abruptly. “Ah yes, Doctor, I am to meet Hikaru and Ben for breakfast!” Before he or his soulmate could respond the young man waved eagerly at them as he left their home with a soft, “Goodbye!”

As he continued to eat his breakfast meal, he heard Leonard chuckle. He merely rose an eyebrow as Leonard grabbed himself some porridge and sat beside him. “Somehow we’ve all adopted that kid.”

Before he could form a proper response to Leonard’s absurd remark, the man...for lack of a better word inhaled his meal. When his soulmate caught his gaze he rose both his eyebrows. “Leonard, your shift at the hospital does not start for another one point five hours. There is no need to rush.”

Leonard shook his head. “I want to check on Pike before my shift starts. Jim likes to hear how he’s doing since he doesn’t always have the time to visit every week.”

Curious. “Can you not simply comm Dr. Boyce and inquire about Captain Pike’s status?” he asked.

“The man is practically our father-in-law Spock, losin’ an hour of sleep so I can visit the man in person is more than a little worth it.”

That was not what he had anticipated Leonard to say. He had suspected that Captain Pike and Jim were close beyond professional parameters, but Leonard’s words caused him to re-evaluate his apparent misconceptions. “Don’t think too hard on it Spock, you weren’t around when we started the Academy.”

The words did not bring him comfort as his soulmate believed they would. Instead, he felt unsettled, as illogical an emotion was to experience when he was in the safety of his own home he shared with his soulmates. There was no conceivable reason for the feeling. He knew of course that his soulmates had met each other three years previous and had their own life together that did not involve him regardless of the fact he was frequently in their vicinity.

It appeared he would need to meditate further on this new feeling and why it persisted. Leonard remained silent and he nearly forgot about the man’s presence until calloused fingers caressed his own. “Darlin’ I hope you know our lives never felt complete before findin’ you. And I wish we could have met you sooner, but it is illogical to wish for somethin’ that’s already come to pass right?”

He knew Leonard was simultaneously attempting to comfort him while mocking his commitment to logic above all else. It had the desired effect when the unease in his side released slightly. “Indeed, Leonard.”

The man laughed and before he could correct Leonard’s wording he was pulled into a Human kiss. He returned the kiss immediately, which seemed to please his soulmate when the kiss was deepened only two point four seconds later. Arousal stirred within his stomach when Leonard’s tongue ran along the seam of his lips and the man stepped between his legs. Hands carded through his hair as their tongues met and a soft groan escaped him before he could stop it. “God Spock,” Leonard breathed when he pulled away. “You know what those sounds do to me.”

Indeed he did and he had used the knowledge to their mutual advantage several times. “Pike can wait a little longer,” Leonard growled. His soulmate’s tone suggested that he desired sexual intercourse before he finished his morning routine.

He could not find a logical reason to deny Leonard when the man dropped to his knees and pulled him to sit on the very edge of his chair. His fingers curled into Leonard’s hair and pulled as his head dropped back as pleasure flooded all of his senses.

Leonard pulled back long enough to whisper hoarsely, “I love it when you come undone like this.”

He was inclined to agree.

“If I knew you were inclined to have morning sex I would have been doing it for months now!” Jim said when he arrived at their home for their lunch hour seven hours later.

He merely stared at Jim with barely contain exasperation, but his soulmate picked up on his inner emotions with a frequency that rapidly increased. Jim huffed and crossed his arms before he said, “It’s not fair. Bones gives the best head and I missed out!”

“Whining does not become you, Jim,” he said as he returned his attention back to the boiling water on the stove. They did not have time for an elaborate meal, which meant rice and steamed vegetables was all they could make to hold them over until later that evening. “And I’m sure Leonard would not be opposed to oral sex should you ask it of him.”

Jim remained silent as he finished their meal and once more he barely repressed the urge to sigh and Human desire to roll his eyes as he set a plate down in front of his soulmate. “If I eat this really fast can we have a quicky on the counter?”

Just as he was about to answer, their door opened to reveal Nyota who looked extremely exhausted. Jim groaned dramatically and banged his head on the table. Nyota caught his gaze over Jim’s head and it was clear she was asking what was wrong with his soulmate. “Uhura you have the worst timing ever,” Jim huffed out like a petulant child.

She swatted at the back of Jim’s head as she walked by them. “You’ll survive without your midday sex marathon, Kirk.”

Jim simply groaned again.

This time Nyota laughed and he merely watched the exchange with an impassive expression. When he had found his soulmates he had not anticipated that their private affairs would become public knowledge to their closest friends. Then again, it was only logical that Nyota would be aware to some degree since she resided in their home eighty-three point nine percent of the time. “Nyota is correct Jim,” he finally settled on saying.

Jim pouted for fourteen point eight minutes while Nyota moved around the kitchen. “You know you and Scotty should just move in at this point,” Jim said once Nyota settled down beside him at their dining room table.

Nyota simple rose her eyebrow as she finished chewing. “Excuse me?”

“You pretty much live here already. I mean seriously, you just made yourself lunch in our kitchen without asking either of us if it was alright because you already knew the answer.” Jim said. “I know you hate to stay in your dorm because of…” his soulmate trailed off and the grief was nearly palpable in the air between the three of them before Jim continued. “And I know Scotty doesn’t have a place of his own because he was on Delta Vega for like ever. We have a spare room, so you might as well use it and let Chekov crash on the couch so I don’t have to listen to Bones bitch about how that kid is going to ruin his back before he hits twenty if he keeps sleeping on our chair.”

Nyota was silent for two point six minutes before her gaze turned to meet his own. “Spock would you be okay with that? And you guys should really talk to Leo about this too…”

She had a valid point so he grabbed his communicator off the kitchen counter and dialed Leonard’s number. His other soulmate answered after three rings, “Don’t tell me Jim got himself hurt.”

He ignored Jim’s protesting as he set the communicator on the table so Leonard could clearly hear Nyota and Jim. “Jim is not hurt, however, he has proposed a change in our living arrangements and it is only logical to include you in the discussion since the apartment is equally yours.”

There was only a second’s hesitation before Leonard sighed and asked, “What’s his suggestion?”

“That Scotty and Uhura just move into our spare bedroom already and give Chekov the couch,” Jim supplied before either himself or Nyota could answer.

“Don’t they already live with us?”

Nyota and Jim laughed. “Well not officially no, but I’ll take that as your answer Bones.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever. I gotta get back to work, don’t bother me unless one of y’all are dyin’.”

Leonard clicked his communicator off and Nyota just shook her head even though she smiled. “Well, that settles that then. I’ll comm Scotty and let him know. Thanks, you guys. It’ll be nice to sleep in a proper sized bed.”

The transition of Nyota and Mr. Scott officially establishing their residence in their home was subtle and he was certain his soulmates either disregarded the small changes to their routines or simply did not notice them. He suspected it was the latter since both Jim and Leonard schedules were extremely demanding and did not possess a Vulcan’s ability to have multiple trains of thought.

Mr. Chekov appreciated the upgraded sleeping arrangements though he did not believe that their couch was much more comfortable than the chair. Leonard’s complaints about Mr. Chekov’s health decreased by seventy-five point three percent however so he did not voice his observation.

As a result of all the change, he found that his office on Academy grounds was the only place he could find some peace and minimal interruptions. Due to the varied schedules of those who resided in their apartment, it was unusual that the apartment was empty for any significant length of time. There was a knock on his office door two point seven hours after his last class had concluded and when he allowed them entry he had not expected to see his father step inside.

He immediately rose from his seat and raised his hand in the ta’al. His father mirrored the greeting as he said, “Please sit, Father.”

His father inclined his head and he moved to occupy the sole chair on the opposite side of his desk. “I have come upon your mother’s insistence,” his father spoke the moment they were both settled.

“Is Mother well?”

It was irrational and illogical to conjure up images of his mother confined to a biobed in a hospital upon his father’s words. If his mother was indeed injured or ill he logically knew that his father would have informed him immediately and would not have left her side to inform him of her condition face to face. However, since the destruction of Vulcan, he discovered he experienced illogical fears such as that more often. “She is. However, she requests that you and your soulmates attend dinner at our residence one night of your choosing this week. Your mother is concerned that she has not seen you or your soulmates in three point six weeks.”

His father’s words did not surprise him though he was curious about why his mother decided to send his father to relay her demand instead of using her communicator to make such a request. A small part of himself that he long ago sequestered in the recess of his mind hoped his father had come to deliver the request in person because he was concerned about his son’s well-being.

He did not allow such thoughts to reach the surface as he inclined his head. “Of course. As long as Leonard and Jim do not take on additional responsibilities we can attend dinner at 1800 tomorrow evening.”

“That will suffice. I shall inform your mother.”

One point three hours later he received a message from his mother that informed him she would be making all of their favorite dishes and reminded him not to work too hard. Her concern was a comfort and after her near death, he decided to allow himself to indulge in her Human affections. It would illogical to deny her (and if he dared to admit it himself as well) actions that assisted her process the trauma they recently endured.

“I will definitely make sure no one tries to sucker me into a project tomorrow,” Jim said when he informed both him and Leonard of his mother’s request that night. “I love your mom’s cooking.”

The sigh Jim elicited did not seem to stem from a negative emotion so he did not remark on it. Leonard moved around Jim to grab a hand towel to wipe away the toothpaste the remained in the corners of his lips. “We could definitely use a little breather so I’ll do my damnedest to make sure I don’t wind up in an emergency surgery.”

He moved to occupy the sink Leonard vacated and continued his nighttime routine as his soulmates conversed about which of his mother’s dish they wanted to eat more of. It gratified him that they enjoyed his parents' company so readily. He had heard stories from crew members during his first posting with Captain Pike several years ago that this was not always the case. Some soulmates despised their in-laws and would often avoid having to interact with them. It all seemed incredibly illogical to him since one could not change their family any more than they could change their DNA, but that had been before he found Leonard and Jim.

As he walked out of the master bathroom and into their bedroom he observed his soulmates bicker over which pillow was rightfully theirs despite the fact they were near identical. “T’hy’lara,” he said in a tone that hinted at the fondness and exasperation he felt for each of them.

Both looked up at him when he Spock and Jim had the decency to look ashamed for his childish behavior. Leonard simply rolled his eyes before his expression shifted into something that could be considered playful. The pillow that left Leonard’s hands and smacked against the back of his head resulted in a shocked silence for all of three point two seconds. Jim turned slowly, expression blank (which he had to admit was rather impressive for a Human) before he launched himself across their king sized bed.

His soulmates wrestled on their bed for seven point four five minutes before he deemed it time to intervene. “If you both do not cease you will not have enough stamina to fully enjoy tonight’s sexual intercourse. There are several positions I had wanted to experiment with, but I can see you are otherwise occupied.”

The words had their desired effect when Leonard and Jim froze. “Bones, did Spock just…”

“Yeah, Jim...he did. And he thinks he can get away with talkin’ to us like that.”

“We should properly punish him.”

“Yes, we should.”

There was not much rest that night and when they arrived at his parents' house the following evening, the bags under his soulmate’s eyes clearly concerned his mother but their smiles and affectionate glances sent his direction seemed to temper down her words.

As he observed their relaxed postures, he determined the previous night could stand to be repeated every so often if it afforded his soulmates contentment. Though, he could admit that he had enjoyed the previous night immensely himself and when he woke up that morning with Jim and Leonard on either side of himself, he knew he would never tire of the sight of their soft and vulnerable expressions as they slept soundly.

When his mother caught his gaze, she smiled softly as if she knew the thoughts that currently occupied his mind. 

Yes, he was certain he would never tire of this new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if this chapter felt choppy! I probably could spend chapters upon chapters on the months between when they returned to Earth from the Narada incident to when they took off on their first mission on the Enterprise, but I really want to move the story along at the same time. This was a little bit of a filler chapter I know, not much plot going on at the moment, but I really wanted to show snapshots of them fitting their lives together and solidifying their relationship. So I hope you at least enjoyed domestic Mcspirk fluff <3
> 
> Just a heads up but there won't be any steamy scenes in this fic! I don't particularly enjoy writing smut so I will generally either allude to it or do a fade to black kind of thing. I hope this won't disappoint too many of you! Also again, if you want to know where I'm at in regards to the next chapter, get a lil sneak peek before it's published or just want to enjoy Star Trek things feel free to give me a follow on my [tumblr](http://ofuhura.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Until next time <3


	5. Embark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO 50k words in and I haven't even gotten to Into Darkness. I do hope you guys are enjoying these more detailed moments into their lives! The next chapter won't be Into Darkness yet (GASP I know) I actually want to dedicate a chapter to Jim and the crew's first year on the Enterprise together. Their first missions, Jim's confidence bleeding into arrogance and his ultimate fall. 
> 
> Also, I'm sorry it took a little longer than normal to get this chapter up for you guys, but I have a good reason for it I promise! I officially have a Beta! So a huge shout out and thank you to [GRIMMInsanity](http://archiveofourown.org/users/GRIMMInsanity/pseuds/GRIMMInsanity) for helping polish this chapter up for y'all. <3
> 
> Without further ado please enjoy <3

◎

 

He was irritated, though his soulmates would claim that emotion seemed to be his constant state. Regardless of whether or not they were true, he knew that this bout of irritation was rooted not in his personality flaws but rather stuffy Admirals who refused to inform the surviving senior class of their commissions. 

Graduation was only a week away and Spock and Scotty seemed to be the only ones in the apartment that didn’t jump or flinch when their comms alerted them of a new message. Himself, Jim, Nyota and Chekov on the other hand? Well, he was certain one of them would pull a muscle in their necks before the end of the week and he had his suspicions that it would be Jim or Chekov. The living room had become a metaphorical war zone and no matter what time of the day he came home, it was always in disarray with PADDs tossed across every available surface and either Jim or Nyota asleep in some awkward position. “For God’s sake,” he muttered when he came home five days before graduation and saw both of them passed out on the floor. 

Instead of rushing to wake them, he took his time to clean up their mess and he gave up counting the number of languages that appeared on their PADDs. Once the living room was in some semblance of order, he shook both Jim and Nyota’s shoulders. “Wake up now, you two, I have a very short lunch hour and I don’t want to waste it waking your fool asses up,” he grumped. 

Nyota sat up first, her normally tidy ponytail loose and in disarray. Jim on the other hand just swatted at his hand as he curled himself around one of the throw pillows. “Jim!” he snapped because honestly, he did not have time for his soulmate’s usual childish antics. 

He noticed Nyota frown out of the corner of his eye, but she refrained from commenting. 

“Jesus fucking Christ Bones,” Jim snapped back with equal aggravation as the man finally sat up. “Spock has better bedside manner than you lately.” 

A part of himself felt bad for reacting so poorly.  After all, Jim hardly got consecutive hours of sleep these last couple weeks, but a larger part of himself succumbed to his previous irritation and rolled his eyes. “Don’t insult me,” he said as he straightened and walked into the kitchen. 

There was a soft curse a few moments later and he looked over his shoulder to see Nyota fix her hair and grab several PADDs. “Thanks for waking me, Leo, I can’t miss my last exam. Oh! I won’t be home for dinner. My first-year cadets want to squeeze in one last review session before their exam so don’t wait up.” She dropped a kiss atop Jim’s head and gracefully breezed into the kitchen and kissed his cheek before she left. 

As he cooked lunch, he grabbed two plates. “C’mon Jimmy, I know you haven’t eaten since this morning,” he said without looking at his soulmate. It wouldn’t surprise him if Jim continued to sulk, but he was proven wrong when he felt Jim’s arms hug him from behind. Immediately he felt himself relax into the touch. “I’m sorry kid, I’m just...frustrated.” 

Jim pressed his face between his shoulder blades and hummed in response to the apology. “It’s okay. We’re all stressed out right now. It’d help if we knew where the hell we’re going to be posted next week. You don’t think they’ll separate us do you?” 

The moment Jim’s tone became far too small for a man that was usually far too confident, he turned around and grabbed Jim’s face in his hands. “Starfleet doesn’t separate soulmates,” he said firmly. 

Jim’s insecure and fearful expression didn’t clear at the words, which only worried him more. “That was before over half our class was killed. They’re stretched thin and we all know it. They might have to ignore their usual practice of keeping soulmates posted together.” 

Dammit, sometimes he really wished he knew what Jim was thinking because, -  clearly, -  these were thoughts his soulmate had let fester for days. If he had known about these fears sooner, he would have squashed them promptly so Jim could have focused on things that mattered. “If they do, I’ll raise hell and I’m sure Spock will too. Vulcan discipline be damned.” 

He looked into Jim’s eyes for several moments before he pulled the man into a reassuring kiss. “Now that we have each other darlin’, we aren’t goin’ to leave you, you hear me?” he said when he pulled away. 

After a few seconds, Jim nodded and his expression cleared significantly. His soulmate’s fears were still there and he made a mental note to comm Spock and tell him to reassure Jim as well when he got home. He didn’t press the issue further, however, knowing that with Jim it was best to let the man come to the realization on his own terms. “Let’s eat before the food gets all cold. It’s one of my mama’s recipes.” 

At the mention of his mother, Jim smiled and gave him one quick kiss before he sat down and dug into the meal with gusto. He added another mental note to make more of his mama’s recipes since they appeared to become a comfort food to Jim and right now, his soulmate apparently needed all the comfort he could get. He could tell Jim wanted to say more as he got ready to start his shift at Starfleet Med, but his soulmate remained silent and simply pulled him into a quick, but passionate kiss before he turned his attention to his PADDs. 

Thankfully their apartment was close enough to both Starfleet Med and the Academy so the walk would be a short one. It was long enough however for him to pull out his communicator and contact Spock. His Vulcan soulmate answered immediately, “Hello Leonard.” Even over their comm he could hear the warmth in Spock’s voice and he wondered if Spock simply allowed himself to express his emotions more freely with two Human soulmates or if he was just getting better at reading the subtleties of his Vulcan.

“Hey Spock,” he replied back in kind before he continued onto the point of the comm, “When you get home, make sure you let Jim know Starfleet won’t be separatin’ us once we’ve graduated. The fool has gotten it in his head that we’re all gonna end up somewhere different.” 

There was silence, which he had not anticipated. “It is possible that we will not receive the same commission. A significant number of officers and cadets lost their lives three months ago, and as a result, there are a significant amount of postings open and far too few cadets graduating. It would be logical to assign well-trained and intelligent officers across the Alpha and Beta quadrants.” 

Well fuck, if Spock was clearly concerned about this as well it meant the probability was high. His mood soured even more. “What’s the chance of that happening? I know you’ve already done the calculations in that computer brain of yours,” he said. 

“I’ve calculated there is a 34.7% chance we will be separated.” 

Shit.

“Great, just great. Well, I’ll have you know if they try to do that I’m goin’ to raise hell.” 

More silence before a quiet, “I would expect nothing less from you, Leonard.” Well, at least he knew Spock did not like the fact Starfleet may throw their regulation regarding soulmates in the trash any more than he and Jim did. 

“Look, at least try to get his mind off of it. You’ll see him before I will and I didn’t have enough time to properly derail those particular thoughts...” he trailed off as Starfleet Med’s doors slid open automatically. “I gotta go, my shift should end at -”

“2000 hours.” 

He snorted as he made his way into the doctor's’ locker room. Thankfully, it was empty as he shrugged off his messenger bag onto the bench in front of his locker. “Yes, unless of course some fools decide to get themselves hurt and pull me into emergency surgeries all night.” 

Several hours, later he cursed himself for opening his big mouth and jinxing himself. At 1900, he was doing his rounds in the emergency room when the nurses at the desk received a comm that there was a shuttle accident and to prepare for seven patients in critical condition. Boyce immediately jumped into action the moment the first patients arrived and when the worst patient came in, Boyce ordered him to take the woman up to the O.R. immediately. For the briefest of moments, he wondered if she had a soulmate and if she did, what they would feel upon seeing the numerous injuries that littered her skin. Unfortunately for her, the worst of those were internal. 

Five hours later, he managed to get his patient through the worst of it even though he lost her twice on his table. The sonic shower in the doctor’s locker room didn’t completely rid him of the grimy feeling that seemed to coat his skin and he longed for a nice, long hot water shower when he got home. As he left, dressed in his civilian clothes, he quickened his pace when the warm spring air hit his skin. The apartment was completely dark when he punched in his code and walked inside. Not surprising since it was midnight. He tried to be quiet as he slipped into the bathroom after catching sight of Spock and Jim’s sleeping figures on the bed, but just as he slipped into the shower he heard the bathroom door open. 

He poked his head out to see Spock, who looked like he hadn’t just been asleep. Perhaps he hadn’t been. It was hard to tell because he didn’t often get to see Spock asleep. “Sorry, darlin’,” he murmured. “Didn’t mean to wake ya, I just needed more than a sonic shower after that shift.” 

Spock walked towards him and swiftly pull his shirt over his head before tossing it onto bathroom counter. His eyebrows rose as he continued to watch Spock undress and step into the shower behind him. Before he could ask what the hell Spock was trying to do, his soulmate pushed him against the tiled wall and kissed him. He groaned against Spock’s lips when his Vulcan wrapped a hand around his hip and pulled them flush together. “Not that I’m complainin’,” he murmured against bruised lips, “but, what was that for darlin’?”

Spock’s hair was drenched and his bangs stuck to his forehead in a way that had Leo itching to push them out of the way. He did just that when he realized there was nothing to stop him from doing so. “Do Humans not crave a sexual release when they have experienced a particularly difficult day?” 

And dammit it all to hell, he was definitely in love with Spock after that. Here Spock was, likely exhausted himself from his demanding work load (not that his Vulcan would ever admit to such a thing), making sure  _ he _ felt better after working an extra four hours. It was still an usual feeling to be taken care of and Spock seemed hellbent and determined to make sure that every once in awhile he allowed himself to simply let others comfort him. “Oh,” he said hoarsely, “we certainly do.” 

That was all Spock needed to hear before continuing his mission. Yeah, sure he probably could have collapsed into their bed and fallen asleep within seconds, but this right here? This was so much better. 

The next several days were... tense for lack of a better word. Spock and Scotty tried to keep their soulmates calm as they took exams while grading exams for the classes they taught, all the while not knowing what their own futures held. So, with two days before their graduation, he needed to just get the fuck away from everyone and calm himself down after a nasty argument with a colleague he crashed Christopher Pike's’ PT session. The man looked up from his wheelchair, clearly exhausted from trying to get his legs to work properly again, but did not seem surprised to see him. “Just in time for my fifteen-minute break, McCoy. Sit down, will you, I don’t want to get a kink in my neck from looking up.” 

He did what he was told and Pike wheeled his chair over so that he could pat his knee. “Still no official commission?” Pike asked, ever blunt and to the point. It was something he actually admired deeply about the man, because Lord knew most of the upper brass liked to talk their way around and out of everything. 

Which was why he didn’t hold back the flood of irritation that he barely kept in check when he was around anyone who wasn’t his soulmates. (Or the rest of the Bridge Crew.) “Hit the nail on the head Captain,” he grumbled. “It’s taking all my control not to march up to HQ and demand why the hell they think waitin’ this long to tell us is a good idea. Even Spock is beginning to show how unsettled he is by all of it. Spock!” 

Pike made a small noise of acknowledgment which he took as an invitation to continue his rant. “With Spock all unsettled, I’m startin’ to believe that the thirty something percent chance that the three of us will be separated is actually going to come true. Jim’s thinkin’ the same thing and we both know how he gets when he thinks someone is going to abandon him, and the fool believes I’ll actually let that happen, so his moods have been all over the place lately.” 

It felt good to get all this off his chest and Pike had always been a good soundboard for him in the past whenever Jim did something stupid before the Nero mess and drove him up a wall. Over the near three years at the Academy, he and Pike formed a bit of a unified front when Jim got a hairbrained idea in his head and went off the rails trying to get it to become a reality. Though he definitely didn’t hold any illusions that he and Pike had the same kind of relationship, Pike and Jim did. Pike had scrapped Jim off a dirty bar floor, told Jim he knew he could do better, and then left the ball in his court. It was clear that Jim regarded Pike as a father-figure and Pike in return had all but officially adopted Jim as his son. 

“Feel better?” Pike asked after several moments. 

He nodded and leaned back on his hands as he rolled his shoulders. It did feel like a little weight had been lifted, though the reality of their situation remained the same. At least he didn’t have those thoughts eating away at his mind. “I don’t feel like punching the next Admiral I see if that’s what you’re askin’,” he replied. 

Pike laughed then as he rolled back slightly. “Well, I’m glad. We can’t have the best CMO in the fleet getting kicked out for doing what we all wished we could do.” 

He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t stop the smile that pulled at his lips. “If you’re feelin’ up to it Chris, you should stop by the apartment. You haven’t gotten to see it yet, though fair warning, right now it’s a disaster between Jim and Nyota’s studying sprees.” 

“You forget; I’ve seen your dorm in a worse state during previous finals weeks,” Pike’s tone was teasing and he just shrugged, though his smile grew. “I’m sure I can get Phil to take me over there tomorrow.” 

“Great, I’ll let Jimmy know. Hopefully, you can knock some sense into him,” he said as he stood and clapped his hand on Pike’s shoulder. 

Pike’s visit seemed to help Jim though not as much as he hoped it would have. Scotty and Nyota were quick to infer that the dinner was something that the two of them didn’t need to interrupt and he was grateful. As he watched the lines of Jim’s shoulders relax marginally and the warmth in Pike’s eyes as he told Jim another ridiculous story about his early days as a Captain, he prayed nothing would ruin their makeshift family. They had already come close enough to losing Spock’s mother before even meeting her and she brought a stability to Jim’s life Winona Kirk never could accomplish. 

“It’d do you some good, son, to relax. You took your last exam today, right?” Pike asked as the night began to wind down. When Jim nodded, he continued, “We’re having some beautiful weather right now, so take advantage of the downtime you have. All you can do right now is wait, so, hell, grab some friends, and, I don’t know, go to the beach.” 

It was a good idea at the time, - and he encouraged it, - even though the ocean was a god awful place he never wanted to step foot in. (There was too much unknown about the damn water, so he sure as hell wasn’t about to go leaping into it). However, the moment the winds picked up, Sulu jumped up and whirled around to face Jim with a wild look in his eyes. “Ever been windsurfing?” 

When Jim got the same wild look, he had to intervene. “Are you two out of your minds?” he nearly shouted. The family a few feet away from them was the only reason he controlled the string of curses that he wanted to fling at the two men. 

Spock, who sat ramrod straight beside him like he wanted to be anywhere else, narrowed his eyes. “This particular stretch of beach is prone to erratic currents and riptides. It would not be wise -” 

“Oh my god, how did I get stuck with two soulmates who are huge chickens?” Jim groaned while Sulu laughed beside him. 

“Leonard and I are not overgrown g allus gallus domesticus, Jim, so I fail to see the relevance of your question.” 

“He’s sayin’ we’re too afraid to do it ourselves,” he said before Jim could open his mouth. “And that we’re no fun.” 

Spock’s mouth parted slightly and that was as close as anyone would ever see him so confused he could not formulate a response to their illogical Human tendencies. “I fail to see how our lack of desire to condone a dangerous activity relates to a Terran farm animal.” 

Jim groaned, but there wasn’t much he could do when Jim grabbed Sulu’s arm and pulled him towards the shoreline where Sulu’s boards laid in waiting. As the two men ran into the water, Spock looked at him. “Did you bring a medkit?” 

He shot Spock a withering glare, “As if I go anywhere without one when our infant soulmate is allergic to the whole damn universe.” 

Spock made an aborted gesture, which was so unlike him, but he figured the poor Vulcan could only handle so many illogical Human behaviors and expressions before his mind forced itself to reboot. He felt bad deep down, because he could only imagine what it was like with two soulmates who were of a different species and culture all together and made a mental note to try to incorporate more Vulcan customs in their daily lives. It would only be fair. To show Spock he really wasn’t angry, he ran two fingers down his soulmate’s. The Vulcan kiss had the desired effect when Spock’s eyes glazed over slightly and he smirked as he continued to play with those elegant fingers. He was damn good at Vulcan kissing you, thank you very much. 

As he made out with Spock the Vulcan way, he turned to look at Jim and Sulu attempt to stay upright on their surfboards. Chekov shouted excitedly from the edge of the shoreline whenever either of the two morons successfully pulled of a crazy stunt. 

Scotty plopped down beside him a few moments later and he immediately retracted his fingers from Spock’s, knowing his soulmate didn’t appreciate affection in front of others if he could help it. Though he couldn’t help but shoot an unashamed grin on his soulmate when he noted the green flush that went from the tips of his ears to down his neck. The sharp look Spock gave him in promised lots of things once they were properly alone. 

“Want some, lads?” Scotty asked as he held up a large flask. 

“Scotty, I thought we had an understanding,” he said in mock seriousness.

The scotsman laughed and handed over the flask. He took a long swig of the amber liquor and sighed in contentment when a warm feeling bloomed in his chest. “That’s mighty fine whiskey you have there, Scotty,” he said as he handed it back. 

The man huffed beside him after he took his own swig, “As if I’d have anything less!” 

Spock looked like he was visibly attempting to refrain from remarking on the fact that alcohol was illegal to bring onto the beaches and he laughed loud and bright at the sight. “God, I love you, Spock,” he said before he could realize the words the formed on their tongue and perhaps save them for another more intimate moment. 

Spock and Scotty both froze and the Scotsman cleared his throat before he murmured a half-assed excuse about Nyota needing him before he rushed over to where she sat with Christine and Geoffrey. 

“Leonard…” 

Well, he couldn’t take back the words and certainly didn’t want to, even though the circumstances were not what he had in mind when he first professed the words. “For some godforsaken reason I do,” he murmured. 

And when Spock lifted his hand to caress his meld points, he nodded quickly. Even though Spock never said the words out loud (yet), the moment he felt Spock in his mind, all he could feel was endless love and affection as a golden light wrapped him up in warmth. 

  

◎

 

It felt like he was thirteen years old again and as weightless as the moment he flung himself out of his dad’s Corvette before it crashed into the quarry. The ocean swelled around him in angry movements but he refused to be knocked down. Sulu surfed several feet away from him and made it look incredibly easy, but then again the man lived in California his whole life so he had an advantage. 

He knew Spock and Bones would have preferred it if he stayed safely on the shore with the rest of their group, but he just couldn’t. Not when his body hummed with tension and his mind was overrun by anxiety over the uncertainty of their future. 

It wasn’t that uncommon to meet one’s soulmate after enlisting in Starfleet. Hell, his parents met that way. So when he found Bones on that shuttle he allowed himself to hope. Hope that things would be different, hope that for once in his fucked up life he wouldn’t be  _ left _ . 

Logically, he knew if the three of them were separated that it wouldn’t be a choice Spock and Bones actively made. They all had to go where Starfleet told them to be and god, he would understand why it had to be done if that’s what happened. Because he saw first hand the destruction that Nero inflicted, experienced it twice over even though he didn’t remember the first time. Bones was the best doctor they had in the ‘Fleet, and he didn’t think that because Bones was his soulmate and he loved the man with every fiber in his being. Spock was half-Vulcan and had superior intelligence over full-blooded Vulcans, so of course, why wouldn’t they want to give Spock his own ship? 

Emotionally though? Emotionally, his heart couldn’t distinguish the difference between someone voluntarily abandoning him and being forced to go because, at the end of the day, he was still fucking  _ alone _ .

It felt like he was in the water for hours before Sulu called his name and signaled for them to swim back to the shore. He wasn’t too inclined to go back and socialize with his emotions still a jumbled mess, but Sulu must have a good reason to call it quits and he couldn’t argue with a man who knew these waters better than him. So they paddled back to shallow water and he unzipped his wetsuit as he dropped his board onto the sand. His gaze sought out his soulmates and he smiled when he saw their foreheads rested against each other and Spock’s fingers covertly over Bones’ meld points. 

He wasn’t about to interrupt so he turned back to Sulu who looked at him quizzically. “Something wrong?” he asked. 

Sulu shook the water from his hair before he bent down and grabbed his towel. “Why don’t you go over there?” 

“Oh, uh, I don’t want to interrupt,” he said with a shrug as he grabbed his own towel. 

There was an awkward silence when it was apparent that Sulu wanted to ask more questions. He let out a small, quiet sigh before he threw his arm around Sulu’s shoulders with a wide grin. “What do you want to know?” 

Sulu was visibly unsure, but he threw the other man a wink to reassure questions were welcomed. “Well, I mean they’re your soulmates, so it wouldn’t really be interrupting, would it?” 

As they walked towards Chekov, who furiously wrote on one of the PADDs he brought, he shrugged once again. “They’re both my soulmates, yeah, but it’s important for each of us to have one on one time too. It’s hard to get to know someone when another person is right there breathing down your neck while you try. Spock and Bones need their time together without me around. Just like I need time with each of them separately.” 

It was moments like these that made him remember that having multiple soulmates was incredibly rare for not only humans but most species in the Federation. Sulu’s confusion and curiosity cleared for the most part and he was glad that he managed to explain it in a way that made sense to someone with only one soulmate. “So you’re not jealous then?” 

Sulu’s question made him pause. It wasn’t something he had ever really thought about. Or something that he thought he would ever have to worry about. And while his fear of abandonment clamored to get at his heart at the innocently posed question, he realized that, while he feared being abandoned by his soulmates, it wasn’t because they were going to run off into the stars without him because they didn’t love him. “Nah, I mean that’d be pretty hypocritical of me if I was because I want alone time with each of them whenever I can get it. I’m sure they feel the same way. But I also love all three of us being together just as much.” 

“Keptain! Hikaru! That looked wery fun,” Chekov practically yelled when he noticed their approach. He couldn’t help but laugh at the barely contained fidgeting as he clapped the young man’s shoulder. “I have come up with five moves to try next time!” 

Oh god, Bones would have an absolute fit if he heard Chekov say that but thankfully his two overprotective soulmates were otherwise occupied. “Show me,” he said and Chekov immediately handed him the PADD. As he read the barely legible mess that was Chekov’s genius, he smiled as he handed the PADD to Sulu. “Don’t ever show Bones or Spock that. They’ll fucking lose their minds if they believed I would actually try those.”

“They’ll lose their minds over what?”

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Geoffrey leaned over his and Sulu’s shoulders to catch a peek of the PADD. He watched as the doctor’s brow dipped. “I won’t even begin to list all the injuries you could get if you don’t manage to pull off just  _ one _ of these,” the man said with a shake of his head. “Because I know it won’t stop you guys anyway.” 

Sulu laughed as he returned the PADD to Chekov. “No, it won’t. But don’t tell our soulmates that.” 

“No promises. I’d rather not face three soulmates and their wrath when one of you get hurt. Yours, in particular, Jim,” Geoffrey said with a smile as he shook his head. 

Jim laughed and before he could respond Bones’ voice cut through the air, “Y’all better not be plotting somethin’ dangerous! Mark my words Jimmy I will sedate your ass if need be!”

“See?”

He rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath ‘Yes, mom’ which got a snort from Geoffrey before they scattered, lest Bones actually carry out his threat on any of them. He sat beside Nyota when Chekov and Scotty started a heated debate over a new theory that could affect starship engines going forward. She smiled at him softly as he rested his head on her shoulder. Her fingers were warm when they curled around his and as he looked around to see most of the core crew from the Narada incident, he couldn’t help the flood of affection in his chest. “I really hope we all end up together,” she said.

So did he, but he just hummed in agreement, afraid his voice would betray his anxiety if he spoke. Of course, Nyota, being the master linguist and communicator that she was, picked up on what wasn’t said. “Even if we don’t Jim, all these people care about you and will drop whatever they’re doing to help you if you ever needed it. What we went through together,” she said as she rested her head atop his. “Well, that’s not a bond that is easily broken.” 

They sat in a comfortable silence for a long while as they watched everyone around them. If someone had told him three years ago in that Riverside bar that Nyota Uhura would become a rock in his life, he would have laughed in their face. She was beautiful of course, but she made her opinions of him extremely clear when they met and frankly, he always figured that those opinions would remain steadfast. 

“You just want to steal me away from my soulmates and run away into the black,” he teased and joined her when she laughed at his horrible joke. 

Before she could respond, they abruptly had a face full of sand as Bones dropped to his knees before them, a PADD in his hand. “Jim, Jim, you have to read the message that just came through. It’s flagged as important and from the brass.” 

He spluttered as he dusted the sand off of himself before he grabbed the PADD. Bones didn’t seem phased by the look he threw his soulmate’s way, but his heart hammered wildly in his chest at the expression on Bones’ face. It was equal parts hopeful and afraid. They knew what this meant and Nyota also inferred that the message contained his commission when she stilled and squeezed his hand with a strength that shouldn’t have surprised him. 

If anyone noticed the way his hand shook when he turned on the PADD and opened the message, they didn’t comment. As he read the words, however, everything else completely fell away. Disbelief and shock were the only emotions he could feel as he stared blankly at the words on the screen. There was no fucking way. They had to be some sick kind of practical joke. 

Dimly, he was aware that someone grabbed the PADD from his hands, but still, he couldn’t react. 

“Cadet James T. Kirk, upon your graduation from Starfleet Academy, you will obtain the rank of Captain, and are hereby ordered to take command of the U.S.S Enterprise immediately after the commencement ceremony -” 

It couldn’t be real, it just couldn’t but apparently, everyone around him wholeheartedly believed the message to be true because Nyota laughed wetly and pulled him into a fierce hug. 

Several things happened at once. The other’s received messages on their PADDs and one by one each of them read off their commissions aboard the Enterprise. The only ones who didn’t utter a word was Geoffrey and Christine, but the moment Bones read his own message ordering him to report as the Chief Medical Officer he shouted over the fray, “Jim, I’m requestin’ Geoffrey and Christine as my Second and Head Nurse, I’ll send you the damn formal request later!” before he pulled his new staff members aside to no doubt discuss how things would be run.  

And just like that everything he dared himself to hope for in the quiet moments over the last three and a half months became a reality. 

Spock crouched before him when Nyota pulled away to celebrate in Scotty’s arms. “Spock,” he croaked and was surprised when Spock reached up to brush away tears he hadn’t realized were there on his cheeks. “Is this real? Or am I dreaming?” 

For a split second, he thought he must be dreaming when Spock’s lips twitched into a small smile, “No,  _ ashal-veh _ , this is not a dream.” 

It was far too late when the five of them stumbled home. Nyota practically carried Scotty into their room as she bid them goodnight. He was slumped between Spock and Bones with his arms thrown around each of their shoulders. Spock, of course, was the only one sober among all of them. It wasn’t a surprise when Scotty and Sulu demanded to celebrate at the best bar near the Academy campus, and it  _ also _ wasn’t a surprise when they all drank far too much. Somehow, they all managed to slip Chekov several drinks,  and poor Ben had to throw the young boy over his shoulder as he and Sulu made their trek home. 

As he was deposited onto their bed, he sighed in happiness. “I’m a captain,” he murmured as Spock pulled off his shoes. 

“You were a captain for three point four weeks,” Spock reminded him and he downright giggled. Apparently, the way Spock spoke was fucking hilarious while he was drunk.

“I was just -” he hiccuped as he threw an arm over his eyes, “actin’.”

Bones’ snorted from somewhere nearby and he blindly grabbed the air for his soulmate. After a few moments of flailing, Bones must’ve grabbed his hand out of pity. “Did you really think you were gonna be anything less, darlin’?”

He nodded, or well, at least he  _ thought _ he nodded. The world was spinning way too much for him to really be able to tell. “I’m so ‘appy we’re gonna be together.” 

Spock’s voice was gentle above him as he felt his world shift. “I am as well.” 

When he woke the next morning, he groaned loudly when sunlight caused the hammer in his head to hit his skull harder. Immediately, he shoved a pillow over his face to plunge back into the blissful comfort of darkness, but there was the sound of Bones’ grumbling and the pillow was yanked away. “No,” he whined and yelped when he felt a hypospray in his neck. “What the fuck!” 

“Stop your bitchin’ or did you want to deal with that hangover all day?” Bones snarked. 

It took real restraint not to stick his tongue out like a child. He did not need to give Bones the ammunition to hold over his head for the rest of eternity. Because Bones certainly would hold that over him whenever he even so much as hinted a childish behavior. 

As the previous day filtered into his brain, he sat up and shot out of bed. Bones made a noise of surprise and stumbled after him as he burst out of their room and into the living room. Nyota and Scotty jerked back awake at the sudden noise and he couldn’t find the room in the wild, excited staccato of his heart to feel bad. “I’m really Captain of the Enterprise.” 

Spock actually fucking sighed which caused him to swing his gaze on his soulmate. “Why do you persist in believing you could only be the captain of the Enterprise in your dreams?” 

Bones grumbled an agreement behind him before the man made his way into the kitchen with Spock. “You know Jim,” Nyota said from the couch. “It’s going to be really hard to take you seriously on the Bridge now that I’ve seen you in nothing but your boxers looking like death warmed over.” 

Scotty laughed and he shot both of them a withering look that held no bite behind it as he turned around and waltzed back into his room to brush his teeth and cover himself up. All the while, he grumbled about how this was his house and he could walk around naked if he wanted to. No one paid him any attention. Typical. When he re-emerged, Spock and Bones had finished cooking breakfast and set the food out on the dining room table. “There’s gotta be some kind of regulation against living with most of your senior staff somewhere,” he said as he sat between Spock and Bones. 

Unfortunately, his poor Vulcan soulmate didn’t pick up on his teasing tone. “There is not, however, if there had been it would not have applied to our situation as you were not yet Captain and we had not received our assignments.” 

Nyota hid her laughter behind her hand but Bones outright snorted. “He was joking, darlin’.” 

“I see.” 

He got the impression Spock didn’t, and probably never will, understand the Human tendency to joke and ask rhetorical questions, which was more than okay with him. It was far too adorable to see his Vulcan confused as he tried to apply Human mannerisms to logic and failing. 

Scotty watched the three of them with interest before the man focused solely on him. “Now that you’re Captain Jim, I have several -  erm,” his gaze shifted over to Spock for a split second, “ideas I would like to run past you regarin’ our silver lass.” 

Yeah, owing Admiral Archer a favor so that Scotty was the Chief Engineer on the Enterprise was worth twice over the moment he watched the man’s eyes fill with genius glee. A smirk tugged at his lips, “Excellent.” 

Nyota and Bones rolled their eyes and Spock watched their exchange with acute interest.

The next day was spent preparing the apartment for their departure and packing up the things they’d want to keep in their quarters on the Enterprise. Amanda and Sarek stopped by around lunchtime to congratulate all of them on their commissions. When there was finally a moment he didn’t have his hands occupied, Amanda swept him up into a crushing hug. “I am so proud,” she whispered. “You earned this, Jim.” As she pulled away, both of them were rather misty eyed, and he laughed as he kissed her soundly on the cheek. 

“Thank you, Amanda.” 

She cupped his face in her hands and he couldn’t help but wonder, briefly, how different his childhood would have been if Winona had been half the mother that Amanda Grayson was. “Of course,” she said softly. 

“You are certain that you are able to maintain the apartment and your own home during our absences?” Spock asked when his parents stated it was time for them to leave. 

Amanda looked at her son fondly and fiddled with the collar of Spock’s shirt. It was the closest thing to a hug that she allowed herself to have with Spock. “Of course we’ll  be able to. Now stop your worrying,” she chuckled at the look Spock gave her at the emotional word, “We’ll see you at graduation tomorrow morning.”

He tossed and turned the whole night, much to the annoyance of Spock and Bones, and eventually, Spock murmured for him to relax as his fingers found purchase on his meld points. Immediately a calm settled over his mind and body, and when Spock pulled out of the shallow meld, he whispered “thank you” before drifting off into a deep sleep. 

The ceremony was rather somber once he, Bones and Nyota arrived. The last day and a half had been spent in celebration and for thirty-six blissful hours, they allowed themselves to forget how they found themselves where they were at now. But the moment they saw a number of chairs that remained empty, reality crashed back down on them. The rest of their friends aside from Spock and Scotty were on their way to the Enterprise to settle into their new quarters and new roles. 

As Chris was wheeled into the very room he faced a disciplinary hearing just four months ago, the reminders of all their loss squeezed at his heart. “I am relieved.” 

This was not how his life should have turned out after graduation, but as Spock would say: What is, is.

 

◎

 

The moment Jim realized he was to be the captain of the U.S.S Enterprise, Spock found himself wishing he had a camera to capture the moment, which was illogical since his memory would imprint every single line on Jim’s face into his mind until he died. It was clear his soulmate was in a state of disbelief and while the others around them celebrated, his gaze zeroed in on Jim’s face. The term of endearment fell from his lips without any conscious thought behind it, but he found he desired to use it repeatedly. 

He clearly miscalculated Jim’s disbelief when the man emerged from their room the next morning, still unable to fully comprehend his assignment. Why must his Human soulmates constantly deny things that are apparent? 

The morning meal was a relatively quiet affair, which was rather peculiar. He had predicted that Jim would discuss animatedly what he envisioned their time aboard the Enterprise to be at ninety-seven point two percent. Instead, it seemed his soulmates along with Nyota and Mr. Scott were ‘lost in thought’ as his mother would have aptly described. 

As he cleared away the dishes twenty point eight minutes later, Jim remained behind as the others began the task of gathering their belongings and securing what would remain behind. Leonard shot him a look over Jim’s head questioningly, but he merely raised an eyebrow in response as the man disappeared into their bedroom. 

He knew Jim well enough by now to simply remain silent as he focused on the task of cleaning the dishes by hand. Something that he normally would have placed in the dishwasher, however, it appeared Jim would not speak his mind quickly and thus it was only logical to prolong the morning chores in an effort to give Jim enough time to gather his thoughts. It was as he placed the last plate into the cupboard that Jim finally spoke, “So, this is probably a really dumb question to ask, but I need to ask it anyway.” 

He remained silent as he turned to face Jim fully. His soulmate shifted his weight from his left foot to his right which Spock knew indicated Jim was nervous. The reason for the negative emotion, however, was not one that he was able to comfortably discern. “Jim, you are incapable of making inquiries that are not intelligent.” 

Jim shot him a smile that could only be described as wry. He did not like the barely there twist in his stomach that the smile elicited as his soulmate remained silent. “Jim,” he said calmly after two point seven minutes passed without another word.

“Right, right,” his soulmate said as he ran a hand through his tousled blonde locks. “I know your commission has you as the Chief Science Officer, but I was hoping you’d be my First Officer as well. Even while you didn’t want to fully believe we were soulmates and you marooned me, we made a good team. And I know there might be some regulation against that, but I don’t care. I don’t trust anyone else but you and Bones to have my back out there. So will you be my XO?”

Indeed, Jim was correct, there were several regulations in place that prevented a pair of soulmates attaining high positions in a chain of command aboard a starship together. However, Starfleet had so few qualified officers in the aftermath of the Narada Incident who could take his place as Jim’s First Officer that it was unlikely that Jim’s request would be denied.

He also calculated an eighty-three point five percent chance that Admiral Pike would deny any request that came from Jim that did not list his name and that the Admiral would jump through the metaphorical hoops as his soulmates described of the bureaucratic process.

“There are several regulations that normally would prevent this,” he said and raised a hand to stop Jim from forming an argument. “However, provided that Starfleet will overlook such regulations in the wake of the Narada Incident, I would like nothing more, Jim.”

Jim’s face shifted from uncertainty to a what could only be described as joy in the millisecond it took for him to blink. And before he could properly react and shield his mind from the rush of emotions that vibrated on Jim’s skin, he was kissed incredibly thoroughly. Immediately, his mind reached out to Jim’s through their contact and it took a tremendous amount of control to stop that action from occurring. “Thank you, Spock,” Jim breathed against his lips when the man pulled away.

Jim’s happiness was infectious even if he had shielded his mind and his lips twitched up in the only smile he would allow in response. It was enough for Jim as he watched his soulmate’s smile grow. “I’ll send the request off to Chris, though I’m sure I’ll hear back from him pretty much immediately with some smart-ass remark,” Jim said as his soulmate kissed him one more time before he left to join Leonard in their room. 

Six point three minutes later, his PADD made the sound that indicated a message had arrived. Leonard was the one who emerged from their room with said PADD in hand. “Based on Jim’s literal bouncing around our room I’d say you got your permission to be his First from the brass.” 

Leonard’s words were proven true the moment he opened the message from Admiral Pike that contained the approval. Although, as he suspected, his appointment as Jim’s First Officer did not come without stipulations. They would be monitored more closely than any other Captain and First Officer in the Fleet and should the Admiralty see a reason to revoke his First Officer status because their emotions hindered their ability to command the Enterprise, they would. 

He responded to Admiral Pike’s message with his acknowledgment and as he entered their room he could not stop the affection that warmed his heart as he observed Jim push Leonard onto the bed and kiss him with the same thoroughness the man had shown him. 

“I’m the luckiest Captain in the whole Fleet,” Jim said as he pulled away from Leonard so that the man below him could ‘catch his breath’.   
While he did not believe in such things as luck in the face of scientific facts, he found he was inclined to agree with Jim. 

As Jim caught sight of him, his soulmate’s eyes could only be described as twinkling with mischief (though he was not pleased to actually describe them as such), as he said, “I think we should properly celebrate.” 

Leonard’s expression shifted and he knew there would be no way to dissuade his soulmates from sexual intercourse to instead focus on their respective duties. It would be illogical to waste time with a task that had no favorable outcome, so he strode over to the bed and before his knees even brushed against the comforter, Leonard’s hands pulled at his pants and Jim’s mouth found the tip of his ear.

As their bodies and minds tangled together he could only think that yes, it was only logical to celebrate.

The temptation to drift off into unconsciousness was great as he laid there with his soulmates who were equally sated and drowsy beside him. Jim’s arm was thrown across his stomach and Leonard’s face was pressed into the crook of his neck and logically he knew they must change the sheets and begin to sort through their belongings, but he found himself unable to sit up and do so. Their lives aboard the Enterprise would not be the same and while it was agreed upon that they would stay in the Captain’s quarters until they could be refitted to accommodate all three of them comfortably, he knew the sexual component of their relationship would likely decrease as a result.

This fact did not seem to bother Leonard or even Jim and it appeared he had miscalculated the depths of both of their fear of being separated. It appeared they strove to follow one of the many proverbs that formed Leonard’s repertoire: Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

“Mother, are you well?” 

His words appeared to interrupt her train of thought as her gaze focused on him. She had sat comfortably and watched the movement throughout the apartment as his soulmates and Nyota finished gathering their things. He had sent his mother a request to check on their apartment while they were gone on any missions that would take longer than one Terran week. Instead of replying to his message with her own, she decided to stop by to deliver her answer in person. He could not fathom a logical reason why she would do so or why his father allowed them to. 

As she registered his words, she smiled up at him. “Yes, dear, I am.” 

He did not believe her and was ninety-two point five percent certain that she was using the human tendency to cover up their true emotions as to not become a burden. She laughed as both his eyebrows rose slightly and he did not step away from her touch as she wrapped her fingers around his left wrist. “I was simply thinking about how happy you must be,” she said. 

“Any mother would be overjoyed that her child had just one soulmate, someone who will cherish them forever. And here you have two. I hope you cherish them, Spock,” as she spoke, he noted that her smile was replaced with worry and concern which was not the expected path he predicted her emotions to take. “It won’t be easy loving two humans, but I think your father would tell you that it is worth it. Make sure you have enough memories to carry you….after.” 

His mother was an extremely proficient linguist and he could only recall two incidents where she found herself at loss for the proper word or phrasing. The way her voice trailed off left him unsettled. “After?” he asked calmly.

“After they die,” she said bluntly. 

His whole body stiffened and even the affectionate squeeze of his wrist did not break his rigid posture. “Mother,” he said sharply. 

“You need to hear this, Spock,” she said. “I know you understand, logically, that Jim and Leo will pass perhaps even a full century before your own death, but emotionally? Oh Spock, I worry that you will not allow yourself to create memories,  _ emotional _ memories, to carry within your heart until you can join them.” 

It appeared she wanted to say more, but his father placed a hand on her shoulder. “Amanda,” his father said. “Spock must discover this on his own.” 

“I know,” she sighed. Spock saw that she wanted to say more, but held back the words. For which he was grateful. He knew of course, that Leonard and Jim would not live as long as he would. It was unclear if he would live a full Vulcan life since he was only half-Vulcan, but he would live long past the average Human lifespan. “I’m sorry if I caused you any distress, Spock,” she said gently as she let go of his wrist. 

“You have not,” he said. 

Her smile was not entirely genuine as she stood from her seat. “Of course, dear.” 

Jim and Leonard’s graduation was far more subdued than his own had been. Though the reason behind the quiet ceremony was one they all felt. He freely admitted within the sanctuary of his mind that he was proud of Jim as he stepped forward to relieve Admiral Pike of his duty to the Enterprise. While he watched the formality, he cannot help but recall the last time he and Jim had been in this room. He briefly allowed himself to wonder how the events of that day would have unfolded if the three of them had known they were soulmates. The thoughts did not last long as he promptly put an end to them. It did not matter; he could not change the events of the day nor how disgracefully he acted towards his soulmates in the hours that followed Jim’s academic hearing. 

Mr. Scott waited beside him until Jim, Leonard, and Nyota managed to get through the several handshakes that instructors and officers sought to give them after the ceremony ended. Precisely fourteen point six minutes after Jim received his commendation, the three Humans reached them. Jim’s smile was wide and beaming and even Leonard’s face held none of his usual gruff expression. “Ready to report to the Enterprise, Mr. Spock?” 

His lips quirked slightly, but to the four Humans in front of him knew what the movement meant, and even Leonard smiled widely in return. “Indeed, Captain.”

The shuttle ride was brief to the Enterprise, but it seemed to take too long for Jim who could barely contain himself in his seat the moment he caught sight of the ship out of one of the windows. Leonard very pointedly did not stare anywhere but at him the entire time, and he found himself desiring for a bond not for the first time with his soulmates so he could reassure them in instances they were upset. The little he was able to do for Leonard to ease his phobia was somehow enough because his soulmate eventually joined Jim’s constant, excited chatter about the Enterprise and everything they wanted to do once on board. 

Jim, of course, was the first one off the shuttle and Leonard grumbled behind Jim when the other man stopped dead to look around the hanger bay. “Captain, we need to begin our inspections of each department so that may be cleared to depart for our first mission,” he said firmly as he stepped out of the shuttle behind them. 

His words and tone had the desired effect when Jim jumped and turned to him. For half a second, his soulmate’s face contained pure, unfiltered joy before Jim’s expression settled into one more befitting a captain. “Of course, Commander.” 

Jim turned to Leonard and said, “Please report to Medbay, Dr. McCoy, and send me the report once you’ve completed your inspection.” 

“Aye, Captain.” 

Despite all of Jim’s confidence, he could detect just a hint of anxiety as he watched his soulmate walk through the ship. Though the more crew members stood at attention as Jim walked by them, the less the anxiety seemed to manifest physically. “I’m gonna head down to Engineering to hear Scotty’s ideas, I’ll meet you back up at the Bridge once you’re done down here?” 

They currently stood within one of the many labs that his science officers would use to conduct their experiments while on board. He had predicted that Jim would desire to divide their tasks before they boarded the shuttle back in San Francisco, so he inclined his head in agreement. Jim seemed to hesitate as if his soulmate were about to kiss him, but thought better of it. Good, it was pleasing to see Jim was capable of retaining a strictly professional regard for one another while on duty. Though, he had only calculated a three point six percent chance that Jim would not act professionally. 

“Of course, Captain.” 

His duties as Chief Science Officer would take three point nine hours to complete as each scientific discipline would require his attention. He was pleased to note that many of his science officers did not stutter or find themselves at loss with words when he questioned the status of their experiments. 

The rest of his time in the laboratories was spent ensuring that his experiments were ready, he had on average three point four more experiments than his staff and he noted that he would have enough time left over to begin two more if he were so inclined. However, he was certain his soulmates would not appreciate the hours he would already spend within the laboratories when he was not on duty. So, it would be illogical to allocate more of his time to experiments regardless of the efficiency. 

As he walked onto the Bridge, Jim was already in the captain’s chair. This time, however, he was dressed appropriately with his captain’s stripes on the cuffs of his shirt. As his mother would put: Jim has come a long way in the last four months.

Jim smiled at him when Chekov said, “Commander on ze Bridge!” 

Before he sat at his station, he walked towards Jim and stood behind his right shoulder. His soulmate seemed incredibly pleased by this and he lips twitched slightly in response to the joy he could see in Jim’s eyes. “Should we get Bones up here? We wouldn’t want him to miss all the excitement after all.” 

“I do not believe Doctor McCoy would be entirely welcomed to the idea, however, I believe you have already made a decision in this regard, Captain.” 

He heard Nyota laugh from her station and he refrained from turning to look at her though he was certain that sudden shaking of Mr. Chekov’s and Mr. Sulu’s shoulders indicated that they too were laughing. “You would be correct, Mr. Spock.” 

As he predicted, Leonard was not pleased when Jim all but ordered Leonard to join them all on the Bridge. When Leonard stepped onto the Bridge, he did not ask for Jim’s permission. He knew that both of his soulmates were aware of the professional protocols that were to be followed while serving on a Constellation Class starship, however, he has witnessed their almost defiant attitudes to ignore said protocols. If he were fully Human he would likely feel exasperated at their actions. Since he was not, he merely rose an eyebrow when Leonard looked over at him. 

“Dammit Jim, I have a Medbay to whip into shape. I don’t have to stand up here lookin’ all pretty.” Leonard said as he stepped down to stand behind Jim and beside himself. 

“Aw, but Bones it’s gonna be bad enough I’ll have to go whole shifts without seeing your face! Just let me have this one thing,” Jim said. 

If he was fully Human, he most certainly would be exasperated, however, Jim and Leonard’s banter seemed to decrease the other officer’s nervous energy by forty point four percent so he did not remind them to act professionally. “You’re an infant,” Leonard said as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Is that a way to speak to your Captain? Bones, I’m offended!” 

“Good Lord, you are incorrigible.”

“In this particular instance, Captain, I must agree with Doctor McCoy.” 

“I thought all three of us on the same ship would be fun! Oh, how wrong I was...” While Jim did not sulk as he has previously been prone to when he and Leonard ‘ganged up on him’ as Jim once so aptly put, he could not deny that Jim was at the very least pouting.

Nine-seven point three five minutes later, Nyota turned to Jim and said, “Captain, we have our first orders.” 

Jim nodded as he turned the captain’s chair so he could achieve a better angle to look at Nyota. “Thank you, Lieutenant, please send the orders to my PADD.” 

Upon Nyota’s words, he noted the other Bridge officers straightened their postures as they waited for their orders. Jim quickly read over their first mission and its parameters before his soulmate handed the PADD to him. “How are we doin’, Scotty?” 

“Dilithium chambers at maximum, Captain.”

Jim turned to Mr. Sulu then and said, “Maneuvering thrusters, Mr. Sulu.”

“Thrusters on standby.”

He and Leonard remained behind Jim as his soulmate looked up at each of them with a smile. It was clear that Jim was barely able to keep his excitement below the surface as he turned to look out the viewscreen. “Take us out.”

“Aye, Captain."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, again I know it was more of a filler than plot, but I promise the next chapter, while not yet Into Darkness, will have lots of yummy plot. For those who have patiently waited for Tarsus IV to come up, your patience will be rewarded ;) 
> 
> Until next time <3


	6. Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear readers! <3 We have finally arrived at the moment many of you have been waiting for since chapter one - Tarsus IV. The warnings I've marked for this story **do** apply to this chapter **heavily** and occur in Jim's POV. If any of those warnings make you uncomfortable or are triggers for you, skip the italicized sections. Be safe while you read this chapter, please!!
> 
> As many of you have probably noticed this chapter is much longer than normal. I debated breaking this chapter up into two parts to make it easier to read, however, I struggled with finding a moment where I could cut the chapter into two without ruining the flow so I just gave up and decided to let this chapter remain as I initially wrote it.
> 
> I was a little eager to get this chapter out for you guys, so it hasn't fully been beta'd so any errors are completely my own.
> 
> Finally, Spock says something in Vulcan this chapter, so if you're on a desktop please hover over the sentence to see its translated version! If you're not I'll put the translation in the endnotes as well so you can see.

◎

 

“Jim I swear to all that is holy you will be the death of me,” he snapped as Jim hobbled into Medbay post-mission. “You know which one to go to.”

Of course, Jim just threw him a cheeky grin but at least did what he was told. Spock breezed in through Medbay’s doors not even a full minute later and while he wasn’t nearly as injured as Jim the scratches on Spock’s neck and hands were enough to cause him worry.

He already had both of their beds prepared. While the marks that appeared on his skin only an hour ago did not indicate how deep a cut was, only that it was there on his soulmates bodies, he at least got some kind of idea what he would be up against when the two fools showed up. Spock caught the expression on his face and promptly walked to the biobed that was set up next to Jim. Five missions into their first year on the Enterprise and his infant soulmates already managed to get hurt to some degree on fucking three of them.

Though by some small saving grace neither of them have gotten themselves seriously injured - yet. Leonard McCoy was no fool and he knew the day was coming when they would wind up on his table with their lives literally in his hands.

He caught sight of the green marks on his hands as he grabbed the appropriate hyposprays for Jim and barely repressed the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“Booooooones,” Jim singsonged behind him and the desire to whack the man upside the head was incredibly strong. “I need to get back to the bridge.”

“Captain,” Spock said firmly and at least his Vulcan soulmate was able to keep Jim in line - most of the time. Hell, sometimes even Spock failed to keep Jim from looking before leaping on missions. Thankfully though, this was one of the times Jim actually decided to listen.

Jim shot him a dirty look when he turned around with the hyposprays in hand. Oh, he definitely was heavy handed when he administered Jim’s meds compared to how he was with Spock, but the crazy man usually deserved it. If anyone else on his staff thought otherwise, they were smart enough to keep their mouths shut on the matter. “Scotty’s up there right now doin’ just fine so you’ll go back there when I say you can.”

Jim didn’t like his answer, but couldn’t argue against it because it was true. Scotty was a good man and despite the fact, the Scot was an engineer at heart he was more than capable of standing in for Jim and Spock whenever it was required of him. Of course, he knew if anything happened to Scotty he’d be the next one in line to sit in that godforsaken chair because of his rank, but thankfully he hadn’t had to do that quite yet. (And he hoped he never would. He liked the comfort of his Medbay thank you very much.)

The last three months had been rather uneventful. (Jim’s words not his own - he had plenty of engineers hell-bent and determined to hurt themselves.) Most of their orders from the brass had been milk runs or to observe an uninhabited M-Class planet to see if it had anything the Fleet would want to mine. It was only a matter of time however before all that nonsense would stop. The only reason they were stuck with missions that were normally more appropriate for ships such as the Odyssey was because they were all so damn green. Jim had ranted on more than one occasion to him and Spock while they laid in bed about how he was tired of the brass’ bullshit tests.

Geoffrey drifted over while he worked on Jim and began to assess Spock more thoroughly. While he knew a hell of a lot more about Vulcan biology than most doctors in the Fleet, Geoffrey was the one exception. The man managed to do a residency rotation on _Vulcan_. Even if Geoffrey hadn’t been a brilliant doctor overall, he would have wanted the man on his staff for the sole reason to make sure someone else could step in and make sure his very Vulcan soulmate stayed alive if he wasn’t able to do so himself. “You two missed a hell of a show when Len first saw those marks appear,” Geoffrey said conversationally mostly to Spock but it was clear he was talking to Jim as well.

Spock’s eyebrow rose and shifted his gaze. Leo just glared before Jim moved and wrapped his legs around his waist and pulled him closer. “Jim,” he growled in warning. “This is not the place nor time.”

Jim just laughed and planted a wet kiss on his jaw before leaning back onto his hands. “Please Bones, I have more tact than you give me credit for.”

The pout that bloomed across Jim’s face when he and Geoffrey snorted in unison was enough to laugh at. It was in these moments that Jim seemed incredibly young, every bit the twenty-five-year old that he was. Geoffrey just shook his head and moved the dermal regenerator to Spock’s neck. “Captain, I’m sure Dr. McCoy gives you more than enough credit in that department.”

Christine happened to walk by just as Geoffrey said those words and she paused momentarily to look at the four of them. “Did the Captain try to seduce Len again?”

He threw his head back and the laughter the escaped his lips this time around was hearty and light. Dammit, Jim may not have had much of a family growing up, but somehow the man wound up with a patchwork crew that willing chose to fill that void. “You bet,” Geoffrey said cheerily as he stepped away from Spock and made his retreat with her to check on the two other patients they had currently.

“Jim, you managed to get yourself a crew that knows you too well to let you get away with half of your usual bullshit,” he said as he walked over to Spock to check his soulmate’s hands.

True to his nature, Jim just groaned and flopped onto his back. “Can’t a guy kiss his soulmate after nearly being eaten by a giant beaver on an alien planet?”

He rolled his eyes and noted that Spock resisted the urge to do the same thing. The only reaction Spock gave, however, was briefly closing his eyes before opening them as he took his Vulcan soulmate’s hands in his own. “Giant beaver?” he asked Spock.

“While a rather crude description of the animal, it is not entirely inaccurate.”

Almost eaten by a damn giant beaver. Only Jim Kirk would manage to find himself in that kind of a situation. Exasperated beyond his usual limit he leaned forward and rested his head against Spock’s shoulder. He sighed when he felt Spock’s fingers cup the back of his neck and curl into his hair. “What are we going to do with him, Spock?”

He felt Spock’s lips twitch into his version of a smile against the side of his head. “I believe all we can do is love him.”

“Exactly!” Jim cried from his biobed.

He pulled away from Spock reluctantly to shoot the man a glare. “You don’t always make it easy, Jim.”

“What fun would that be if I did?”

Later, when they were all in bed he and Spock showed Jim just what they thought of that little idea of his and by the end they had Jim squirming beneath them begging as he arched his back. Oh, how he loved unraveling the mask of bravado and confidence that made up Jim Kirk. Spock had begun to meditate shortly after and he stayed in bed with a sleeping Jim curled into his side to watch. While he wholeheartedly believed that meditation would never work on him, he couldn’t deny the sense of calm that settled into his bones whenever he was allowed to unashamedly watch Spock like this.

What felt like hours later, his eyes began to feel heavy and the length of time between each blink increased until he jerked his eyes open when he felt Spock’s hand on his cheek. “Rest, Leonard.”

He turned his face to kiss the palm of Spock’s hand the Human way before he obliged his soulmate’s request. Much later he knew Spock would climb into their too small of a bed and that thought was enough to allow him to drift off.

Life continued its routine. Usually he was on the same shift as Jim and Spock and was able to eat dinner with them in the mess before they relaxed in their quarters, but every once in awhile their shifts staggered whether due to an experiment in Spock’s labs that could not be put off until the next day or he was pulled into an emergency surgery on an engineer or security officer who blatantly ignored safety protocols. There was plenty of downtime between their missions as well and there were often several day stretches where they could laze around their apartment after their daytimes duties at Starfleet Command and Starfleet Med wrapped up.

Eventually, Nyota and Scotty found their own place. Though he laughed himself to tears when Nyota said with a wide grin that their new place was only two floors down from their own. It took them all of a day to move their things from the spare room and he was grateful for that. He was too old to spend a whole weekend moving shit across the city.

Three days after the two of them moved out he was not at all surprised when he walked by the spare room one morning to find Chekov sprawled across the bed, PADDs scattered around him. Well, at least the kid wasn’t going to ruin his back anymore. Spock looked up the moment he began to look away from the sleeping Chekov and he shrugged at his soulmate. At least they knew Chekov had a good roof over his head and that he was taken care of whenever he slipped too far into those genius thoughts of his.

He turned thirty-two during one of their times dirtside in between missions and he was the luckiest man in the whole damn galaxy because his soulmates knew better than to throw him a birthday party. Instead, they spent most of the day in bed, enjoying the comfort of each other, and simply thankful for everything they had. Two days after his birthday, Jim burst through the front door with a wild look in his eyes. He and Spock simply stared at Jim, who blinked at them in momentary shock. “Spock,” Jim said slowly, “Are you licking chocolate off Bones’ fingers?”

Spock straightened, though Jim shivered when the soft ‘pop’ of Spock’s lips leaving his fingers echoed through their apartment. “It’s called foreplay, Jim,” he said with a sigh as he slid off the counter.

Jim shook his head before the almost manic look appeared once again. His eyebrows rose in surprise, whatever news Jim had to deliver it must be good if he stopped himself from joining in on the action. Spock must have come to the same conclusion because the man straightened next to him. “What do you have to tell us, Jim?”

“We have our first diplomatic mission,” Jim said. “The Braavins are finally willing to begin discussions for entrance into the Federation. We ship out tomorrow.”

His eyebrows jumped in surprise at the news. It was no secret that Starfleet and the Federation as a whole wanted the Braav System, the fourth planet, which was home to the Braavins, was rich with just about everything that the Federation wanted to mine.

Even though it was to be a diplomatic mission, the moment he walked into his Medbay the following day, he barked at his staff to make sure they had everything well stocked for their fool Captain and First Officer should they come back injured. “Len?” Christine interrupted his mental checklist with his name and a hand on his elbow. He turned to look at her with a raised eyebrow and halfway to outright glowering. “Don’t you have that senior staff meeting in oh five minutes?”

A quick glance at the chrono proved her right and he cursed under his breath before handing the Medbay over to her while he was stuck in a ridiculous meeting. Most of the time these missions didn’t involve anything that directed affected him as Chief Medical Officer or any of his medical staff, but apparently since he was ranked Lieutenant Commander that meant he had to attend.

As he slipped into the conference room just off the Bridge, Spock merely raised an eyebrow at him as he sat down in his chair to the left of Jim’s. “Oh hush, I had a full minute to spare.”

Jim chuckled beside him. “In Spock’s world that’s considered late.”

The rest of the senior crew rolled their eyes, but all of them had fond smiles on their face. By now, seven months into their first year they were used to the three of them. “Alright!” Jim said with far too much cheer as he clapped his hands. “Now that we’re all here we can go over the more detailed parameters of this mission.”

Immediately everyone straightened in their seats. “The Braavins are a telepathic humanoid species, though the Federation’s understanding of their abilities is rather limited since they rarely have allowed access to those outside of their homeworld to their medical journals and discoveries. However, as a gesture of goodwill, they will allow one medical professional to join us during the diplomatic meetings so that means you’re coming down Bones.”

Great. Just great. “Fantastic,” he snapped.

Jim continued on as though he expected his reaction, which in all likelihood his soulmate had. “While the universal translator is rather effective when used between other species and the Braavin, they expressed a desire to deepen our understanding of their main dialect as well along with the equal opportunity to understand ours so that we can minimize misunderstandings. Uhura, I have no doubt you’ll be able to manage this.”

Nyota looked as though she was barely containing her excitement. While she lived with them those few months before the Enterprise, the three of them got to see the depths of her passion and talent for linguistics. Hell, if she hadn’t been commissioned to serve on the Enterprise after graduation, he had no doubt Jim would’ve fought every damn Admiral he had to to get her on board. He shot her an encouraging smile across the table and she warmly returned it.

“The Braavins culture revolves heavily around the sciences and while normally Spock would be the man for this job, he will be assisting me with many of the negotiations so Chekov you’ll be coming down with us as well. I’m sure they will appreciate your animated passion for science. Our first and most important aspect of this mission is to ensure that the Braavins feel comfortable with the Federation and what it stands for. So I trust that the three of you are capable of being both professional and respectful of their culture while we are down there. Once we’ve reached an agreement with them, the Diplomatic Corp will arrive to hammer out details and begin the official process for joining the Federation. We’re simply there to lay the groundwork. Understood?”

“Aye, Captain.”

Jim smiled. “Excellent!  We should arrive in just under twenty hours correct Mr. Spock?”

“Yes, Captain. We will arrive at the Braav system in nineteen point three hours.”

While he wasn’t that thrilled he would be beaming down onto an alien planet that was the home to a bunch of beings that might be able to poke around in his head without knowing it, he could see that Jim and hell even Spock was excited. This kind of mission was what Jim envisioned when he took up Pike’s dare and joined Starfleet and Spock, of course, with his beautiful scientific mind was going to hold a front row seat to understanding a species that have been around nearly as long as Vulcans.

The hours seemed to fly by for him as if his anxiety was out to spite him. It took both Jim and Spock wrapping their arms around him to allow his mind to quiet long enough to let him fall asleep. When it was time to head to the transporter room, he reminded himself that he was also excited to learn about the Braavin’s biology and their medical advancements. Hell, maybe he’ll be able to apply some of their techniques to the other humanoid officers that served on the ship.

“Ready Bones?” Jim asked him. When he looked at the other man he wanted to smack that smug expression off his pretty face but refrained considering they were in the middle of the transporter room with others around.

“As I’ll ever be when I’m about to have my molecules become a jumbled mess!”

Jim just laughed and told the transporter technician, “Energize!”

The moment they rematerialized in the grand hall of the Braavin’s political center, a sense of unease washed over him. Something was going to go wrong, he could feel it in his gut. As the Braavin’s stepped into their line of sight, he just reminded himself that was his anxiety talking. The leader, Navmali stepped forward and even he had to admit they were a rather striking species. Nearly two feet taller than himself, he could only imagine the strain on Nyota’s neck as she attempted to look up into their large eyes. Their almost translucent skin seemed to glow beneath the surface and each of the four Braavin’s were a deep indigo color.

“Welcome to Jaimek.”

He vaguely remembered Spock telling him that Jamiek was their capital city and as they bowed, the five of them returned the gesture as best they could. Curious, they appeared to at the very least triple jointed. Their fingers were longer and thinner than other humanoid species that were known in the Federation, however, they did have five of them. He hoped that his staring wasn’t an offense to them, but he could not seem to help it. They both unnerved him and stirred a deep curiosity within his mind. “We are honored to be to be welcomed here,” Jim said swiftly. The words were as smooth as honey and he couldn’t help but be proud of his soulmate. This was Jim’s element.

His words seemed to please the Braavins as they all smiled and with surprised, he watched their leader’s skin gently shift to a deep red. Huh, so they were like giant mood rings.

“If it is not much to ask of you and your crew Captain, we hope that you will perform a small ritual with us before we begin talkings? It is one that we used to perform nearly a [beep] ago now when our [beep] had yet to [beep].”

It was clear to him that Jim did not seem too comfortable with their request, not only because the universal translator wasn’t able to completely translate what was said, but because a ritual had not been apart of the mission's details from the brass. It was also clear to him that Jim would do it because the brass had put a lot of pressure on him to make sure everything went smoothly. Goddamn fuckers and their greedy need to mine dilithium and whatever else they thought valuable.

“May I ask what this ritual entails before I give my agreement? I am sure it is nothing to be concerned over, however, I would like to understand its importance so we do not unintentionally cause offense.”

Again, the Braavin’s leader seemed pleased and damn, Jim was great at this. “Of course,” they said. “The ritual allows us to determine emotional stability of all [beep] involved. I will place one finger over where your heart is located and one on your head.”

The moment the Braavin leader spoke the words, that feeling of unease came back. Something was going to happen and he had his money on it happening to Jim. But before he could voice his protest, Jim nodded. “I will consent to this if you will allow me to be the only one who participates in the ritual. I hope you understand that since my officers, aside from Mr. Spock, will not be apart of our discussions should not need to validate their emotional stability. As Humans, we cherish our privacy.”

The leader’s skin shifted in color again, this time to a more muted green. “That is acceptable. Please step forward Captain.”

He threw Spock a sharp look because honestly, his other soulmate could _not_ be okay with this. Spock, of all people, must see how _wrong_ the leader’s request was. Unfortunately, before he could get Spock to do something, Jim stepped forward and the leader placed their fingers on Jim.

All was silent for all of few seconds before the leader let out a bone chilling cry. “You have suffered much [beep]!” They shouted. “Allow us to let you heal!”

Before Leo could even move, darkness pressed around him. He barely repressed his panicked shout before light returned just as quickly as it had left. Except they weren’t standing in the grand hall in Jaimek anymore. Instead, an unfamiliar planet with blue skies that was just a shade different than back on Earth was all he could see in front of him. He looked around and was relieved to see Spock, Nyota and Chekov were still beside him.

However, Jim was unconscious at their feet and the other Braavin’s were gone. Only the leader remained. “What did you do to him?” he shouted as he dropped onto his knees at Jim’s side and pulled him into his arms.

The leader did not seem disturbed by his angry words. “Your Captain has suffered a terrible trauma, he must accept what happened if he is to [beep] and be stable. You are to be [beep] and assist him. He will wake shortly. We will be waiting once the memories have finished their course.”

The leader vanished and left them on this strange planet (which he still had no fucking idea how they even got here in the first place). By some grace of God, Jim began to stir and he watched as those beautiful too blue eyes opened up and found his. “What happened?” Jim rasped.

“No idea,” he replied grimly. “Their leader touched you, they screamed, everything went black for a few seconds and then we somehow ended up here.”

Jim looked around after he finished speaking and immediately stilled when he saw the landscape around them. “ _No_.”

The utter horror and panic in Jim’s voice stabbed him in the heart and he before he could stop Jim from spiraling into a panic attack, he realized he didn’t have his medkit anymore. “ _Fuck_. Jim, you need to calm down,” he said as soothingly as he could muster while his own panic gripped at his heart.

“We  _can’t_ be here. This isn’t possible.”

The words startled him. “Jim?” Spock asked as he crouched beside them. “Do you know this planet?”

Jim began to shake now, which was not a fucking good sign. He watched as the normally vibrant man curled into himself. Arms wrapped around his middle, head bowed down to his chest. It pained Leo to watch. Before Jim could answer the question, what sounded like a door being thrown open closely followed by footsteps rang around them.

“Don’t stay out too late Jim! Dinner will be ready in a few hours!”

What the fuck? He whipped around and was confronted with a simple farmhouse that reminded him of the one back home in Georgia that had been in his family for generations. A boy no older than fourteen was the one who had burst out the front door and ran past them on the dirt road. As he got a good look at the boy he was startled to immediately think he looked like younger Jim. The woman looked closely related to the boy, though her nose was slightly different and her eyes were brown instead of…

Oh god.

The leader had said something about memories. “Jim?” he asked softly. “Where are we?”

Jim looked up at him with a haunted expression and his answer shattered Leo completely:

“Tarsus.”

 

◎

 

Everything around him felt real, looked _so_ fucking real. Which meant this was more than just a nightmare. Even though he was forced to remember when he slept, it was never quite so...vivid. He had spent the better part of eight years after he got back to Earth trying to forget as much as he could about this hell hole. Nothing ever quite did the trick, but over the last several years thankfully his nightmares decreased to only once or twice every few months. Spock and Bones, of course, were always worried whenever they woke to him in the throes of one, but he hadn’t been able to tell them yet.

Hadn’t been able to figure out how to tell them, “Hey, when I was fourteen I was on Tarsus and I was whipped, beaten, allowed men to have sex with me for some food and couldn’t save all my kids because I was a fucked up failure.”

Yeah, he didn’t think that would go over very well.

Nyota’s sharp inhale broke his panicked daze. No. No. _No_.

It was bad enough that Bones and Spock would have to bear witness to his memories of Tarsus, to see exactly how ruined and worthless he really was, but Nyota and Pavel too? He didn’t need more people to discover how undeserving he was to have survived this place. Not when five of his kids...god, how was he going to get through seeing their faces again?

He must have spiraled again because Bones’ hands cupped his face and forced him to focus on his hazel eyes. “Jim, I don’t have my medkit and I have no idea if whatever happens in here will affect your physical body too, so I need you to take deep breaths.”

It was hard, but eventually, he managed.

Bones smiled at him and he clung to it like a goddamn anchor. “There you go, Jimmy, keep breathing just like that.”

After a few more moments, he gathered up the courage to ask, “Why are we here?”

“I can only speculate that the Braavin’s leader believed if you were to relive your time on Tarsus IV, that you will be able to ‘heal and be stable’,” Spock answered, though he picked up on his soulmate’s concern as Spock’s warm hand rested atop his.

He supposed that could make _some_ sense. “Okay...why are you all here though?”

“The translator couldn’t find a suitable word in standard, sir,” Nyota said. “But we are here to assist you. I don’t believe we’ll be able to leave until your memories have ‘run their course’ as they put it.”

Fuck.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as he untangled himself from his soulmates. Neither of them looked very pleased by it,  but he couldn’t...not here…

“Keptain, there is nothing to be sorry for.”

He shook his head. “No, I am. What you’re going to see...no one should ever have to…” A deep breath.

The landscape shifted around them and the fields that were so alive were nothing but shriveled husks consumed by ugly white. He looked towards his aunt’s house and watched as his younger self walked out the front door with his aunt close behind. It was beginning.

He turned back around to look at the four of them. “I’m so sorry.”

_His aunt walked swiftly and held onto his hand tightly. “Stay close to me,” she breathed to him quietly as they made their way into the massive square in the main encampment. He ignored the way his heart hammered against his ribs, something wasn’t right. There were too many people packed in the square and there were too many guards with phasers out of the holsters for the gathering to be anything good._

_On any other day, he would have yanked his hand from his aunt’s, but the twist in his gut told him today was not going to be an ordinary one. “What’s going on?” he whispered as more bodies pressed around him and eventually his aunt moved to wrap her arm around his shoulder and pull him close to her side._

_“I don’t know, but I have a bad feeling about all of this.”_

_It was becoming too hot and hot sticky sweat pooled at the hollow of his throat and his shirt stuck to his back. After what felt like hours, Governor Kodos’ voice rang down from his stupid pretentious balcony. “My dear colonists!” he boomed. “I regrettably bring unfortunate news. As many of you have speculated, there has been a fungus ravaging our grain supplies and farms. This fungus has destroyed many of our farmer's crops as it moved swiftly towards the grains already harvested. The top scientists in the colony have worked around the clock to prevent the fungus from reaching our reserves...”_

_His aunt’s grip tightened on his shoulder and a string of curses escaped under her breath. This wasn’t much news to either of them, they knew the fungus had swept through the outermost farms, but they had assumed the grains that had already been harvested before were safe._

_They had been wrong._

_“It is with great regret to inform all of that they were not entirely successful in their endeavor. When it became clear the harvested grains were compromised my staff and I have attempted to save enough food to last us until Starfleet arrives with aid. But it pains me to admit that we were not entirely successful.”_

_Fuck. That wasn’t good._

_His aunt’s grip tightened. “Get ready to run,” she whispered into his ear. Thankfully, they were nearly the same height so it didn’t look too obvious to the guards behind them that they were talking during Kodos’ speech._

_“And so as a result of our shortcoming, it is with a heavy, burdened heart that I, Governor Kodos, hereby order your executions so that they colony may survive.”_

_No one dared to move or breath for what seemed like forever. That was until the guards around them began to press into the crowd and opened fire. “Run!” his aunt yelled and he pushed and shoved his way through the panicked and desperate people around him. Elbows struck his face and ribs as others tried to escape, but he was always small and scrawny for his age and used that to his advantage to slip through the holes people made. He tried his best to look anywhere but his feet, but he stumbled and came face to face with the frozen expression of fear on one of his teacher’s faces, a phaser wound straight through their heart._

_Bile climbed up his throat, but he didn’t have time to stay down long. Not if he wanted to live. Adrenaline was the only reason he managed to get back on his feet so quickly and step over his Ms. Mackles body._

_“Jim!” his aunt called out for him and he only caught a glimpse of her before she was swallowed up by the crowd. “Run!”_

_And so he did. He ran until he reached their house and prayed that his aunt wasn’t far behind. Two duffel bags sat near the door and his stomach twisted at the sight. His aunt had prepared those just in case they’d need them to get through whatever hell was about to descend upon them because of the fungus. Their home was on the outskirts of the main encampment, but it was clear his aunt had plans to leave if it became too dangerous to stay._

_He knew exactly where they would go, all he had to do was hide until she managed to get back here too._

_It was nearly dark before the front door opened, but the footsteps were too heavy to be his aunt’s. The rafters in the attic provided a decent amount of cover and as long as he didn’t breathe too heavy or make any sudden movements he should be able to stay hidden until the guards cleared the house._

_Of course, he should have known he was never that fortunate._

Everything shifted again and the scene around them was relatively calm. At least he got a break between the worst of his memories. “You were…” Bones made a choking noise and his eyes slammed shut at the sound.

“I was small for my age and had a shit ton of allergies. I didn’t deserve to live,” his voice was bitter and angry in a way it hadn’t been since his mother left him alone after he got back home.

A soft hand grabbed his and held on tightly. When he opened his eyes, he saw Nyota. If it wasn’t for the tears that fell from her eyes, he wouldn’t have been able to tell she was upset by what she just witnessed. “Don’t you ever say that again James Kirk,” her voice left no room for argument. “You deserved to live and I’m so glad that you did.”

He couldn’t bring himself to tell her that he didn’t, that he should have died on this planet with his other kids, with his aunt, the only family he had that ever made him feel wanted and loved.  She would come to that conclusion herself soon enough.

“No. I didn’t.”

Before she could attempt to prove him wrong, the serene landscape blurred. Dread was the only thing he felt about what they would bear witness to next.

_He cried out as the guard tightened the rope around his wrists and lifted his arms well above his head. “Shut the fuck up,” they growled as they pinned his arms to the wooden pole and cut his shirt off. The sun had begun to sink towards the horizon and the cool late afternoon air bite at his skin._

_How he wasn’t dead yet, he didn’t know, but nothing good could come next. The square was still littered with bodies, though many of them had been tossed aside to make room for whatever spectacle that Kodos had come up with next. A spectacle that clearly involved him. At some point, he must have drifted off, crashed the moment his adrenaline left because when he looked up he noted with horror other kids were tied up on wooden poles beside him._

_Familiar bile rose up his throat when he noticed that the youngest one, right next to him, was a five-year-old girl. All of them were shirtless and many of the kids were crying._

_Before he could try and soothe them several footsteps pierced the silence and he strained his neck until he saw Kodos with several guards approach. “Please know what is about to happen brings me no pleasure,” Kodos began. “But your parents have also managed to escape their execution and must be drawn out. Guards, please begin with the Kirk boy. Twenty should do for now.”_

_His whole body tensed and he tried to discreetly pull his hands free. It wasn’t until the first resounding crack that his mind became abruptly silent. It couldn’t be…_

_“One!”_

_The moment the whip tore the skin on his back, he nearly blacked out from the pain. Distantly, he was aware that he screamed. He was only allowed a moment's reprieve before the whip cracked against his back, again and again, and again. The other children screamed and cried around him because they knew they would be next and he couldn’t let that happen._

_“Is that all you got!?” he yelled after what had to of been the nineteenth hit if his count was right. Manic laughter escaped his lips and he threw a challenging glare over his destroyed shoulder at the guard who whipped him. “It barely hurts!”_

_They must have known he was lying. His throat was raw as if someone had shoved sandpaper down it and scrubbed at his vocal chords. But his words had the desired effect because the man whipped him again and again and again._

_Dimly, he was aware of that the blood staining and pooling on the bricks beneath him was his own. That it would only be so much longer before his body couldn’t handle anymore and he would die. But he had to hold out as long as he could for the sake of the younger kids. He didn’t even want to imagine what would happen to the little girl next to him if the guards whipped her._

_They must’ve gotten sick of him though because they moved onto the kid to his left, who looked to be a year or so younger than himself. The kid’s eyes blazed with anger and defiance and Jim found that he had an ally in his mission to keep Kodos and his monster guards from harming the little ones. The boy nodded at him just before the first whip snapped._

_Several hours had to pass like this and Kodos must’ve grown bored of their screams as the sun sank lower until the only light that remained was a combination of torches and construction lights that were used when the colony was first establishing itself. “Stop,” Kodos said calmly. “Let us attempt to draw them out in the morning. Leave them here. I want three men patrolling in case they’re foolish enough to try and save them in the dark.”_

_As Kodos walked into the building, only the torches remained lit which plunged them into near darkness._

_His back was on fire but he grinned against his bicep. The youngest among them remained untouched though they shivered against the chilling night air. Still, he believed that was better than what could have been. Eventually, his eyes drifted over to the boy next to him, he vaguely recognized him from school but couldn’t place his name. “Hell of a day huh?” the boy asked._

_Jim laughed bitterly but flinched in pain immediately after. “Yeah,” he croaked._

_It hurt too much to talk and so those were the only words they exchanged as they tried to breath through the white hot pain on their backs. It wasn’t until he managed to clear away some of the haze in his mind that he realized with horror that his soulmates would see his wounds on their backs. “Do you have a soulmate?”_

_The question startled him and he wondered if the boy next to him had picked up on his thoughts. Which would be fucked up, but hey after what they went through he couldn’t bring himself to care all that much. “I…” he hesitated but then figured he was probably going to die so what would it matter if he revealed what no one else knew? “I have two soulmates yeah...what about you?” he managed to ask._

_“Yeah, I have just the one though...you think we’ll get to meet them?”_

_Up until that moment, he hadn’t allowed himself to cry, but the wobbly hope behind the boy’s words was enough to send him over the edge. “No. I don’t.”_

_He can’t be sure how much time has passed, the moon has risen high above all of their heads and most of the smallest children’s weeping has faded into soft hiccups but he can’t bring himself to slip into the gentle embrace of unconsciousness. His mind drifts in and out of complete awareness in time with the flare of pain in his back. It was while his pain flared and consumed nearly all of his senses when he felt a gentle caress on the back of his head._

_“Oh, Jim,” his aunt’s soft voice cut through the pain with ease._

_A broken sob escaped his lips because her voice could only be a figment of his imagination, there was no salvation to be had anymore. But the caress becomes a firmer touch against his raw wrists. “You are so brave,” she said quietly though her tone was firm. “I am so proud of you.”_

_His eyes snapped open and he saw her face and knew she was real. The next sob caught in his throat when he saw her sad smile. “Shh Jimmy, it’ll be okay,” his aunt’s words flooded his eyes with tears and he couldn’t stop them from falling onto his cheeks._

_Her hand was a pleasant pressure at the back of his head as she unknotted the rope that bound his wrists together. “I need you to take the other children and run to our caves alright? I managed to get you some things to help you all at first, but you need to make sure you get more, I don’t think help will come for a while. I’m so sorry,” her words washed over him and it was a miracle he could even register them at all._

_When she pressed two duffel bags into his hands he knew then that it was unlikely he’d ever see her again. He dropped them to the ground and threw his arms around her waist. As he held her as tightly as his battered body would allow, he felt her tears drop into his matted hair. “I love you, Jim, so much. And I’m so sorry we didn’t have more time together. I wouldn’t have let you go until you were old enough to live your own life.”_

_She dropped to a crouch in front of him and wiped away his own tears while ignoring her own. “We’re going to try to contact Starfleet, so you just need to keep yourself and the others alive until then alright?”_

_He nodded. “I love you, too.”_

_Her smile was sad as she leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “I know. Go, Jim. Go to our caves and keep them safe.”_

_He left._

As they all came back to the serene landscape of Tarsus before the fungus destroyed everything, the first thing he became aware of was Chekov dry heaving to his left. With jerky movements, he managed to make his way over to the kid and rested a hand on Chekov’s back. “Pavel…”

In the blink of an eye, he had his arms full of the curly hair genius who sobbed into the crook of his neck. “Keptain, you are very brave!”

Bones seemed to sense his discomfort and gently pried their practically adopted kid away. “C’mere kid.” He watched as Chekov cried into Bones’ chest and when he looked up into Bones’ eyes he expected pity to be present. There was none to be found, though he saw numerous other emotions flicker behind his soulmate's eyes. “I prayed for the first time in my life when I saw those marks...prayed they weren’t what I feared  them to be.”

He jumped when he felt someone gently grab his wrist and he swung his gaze to find it was Spock. His soulmate looked as broken as a Vulcan could possibly show. “I too illogically wished that the marks were not caused by such a crude weapon.”

Nyota must’ve pulled Chekov away and into her arms because Bones was suddenly there kissing his forehead with his eyes screwed shut. “Your aunt was a brave woman, Jim.”

That much he already knew,  had known for over ten years and it was knowledge he had carried within his heart. He loved her, would always consider her his mother even though they only had a year together. She had done for him what Winona hadn’t been able to in the thirteen years before he was shipped to Tarsus. She had loved him unconditionally, let him become Jim instead of George Kirk’s son. And even though his father had been her brother, she never once made him feel as though she blamed him for his father’s death even though perhaps after his mother, she had the most right to do such a thing. She told him stories and memories that made his father seem more human, had shown him how to both grieve for a man he never knew and love him in his own special way.

“What was her name?” Spock asked.

“Esme.”

There was silence before Nyota’s voice broke it with three words that threatened to tear apart all the progress he had made to live with his grief: “Esteemed and beloved.”

He nodded because it seemed like the appropriate thing to do, but Spock must’ve picked up on the endless despair as his soulmate moved to pull him into the comforting heat only a Vulcan could provide. Bones followed and he found himself sandwiched between them.

“You know what’s next,” he whispered to both of his soulmates.

As he watched tears slip out of Bones’ eyes and listened to Spock’s breath hitch, his suspicion was confirmed. Both of them were brilliant and smart and old enough at the time to realize what happened to him, even if they had no idea who he was or where he was. It took a while for him to believe that whenever Bones touched him before they met Spock that it was because Bones loved him, cherished him even. The fact they were soulmates was the only thing that kept him from crawling out of his skin and spiraling on his worst days.

And as the memories shifted again, he knew he’d be right back at square one when all of this was over.

_Their supplies were low, way too low. Even if his aunt and the others managed to get a message off to Starfleet before they were captured and killed, they would run out of food long before the ships even arrived. There was no choice but to go out and find some more. They were far enough away from Kodos and his monsters that he figured he could raid some of the farmhouses for canned food the fungus hadn’t ruined. It was a long shot, but at least somewhere to start before he tried to sneak into the main encampment and steal food from there._

_“Kev,” he whispered, “I need you to watch over everyone. Can you do that for me?”_

_The little boy nodded up at him and he hated leaving such a responsibility on his shoulders, but the older kids could hardly move at the moment, their shoulders still healing from being dislocated. Jim was just thankful his hadn’t been pulled from their sockets._

_As he made his way out of the caves, he crouched in front of Lewis, the boy who had been next to him while they were whipped nearly to death. “How are you feeling?” he asked softly._

_Lewis huffed out a pained laugh. “Like death, but I’m still kickin’ so that must be something right Jimmy?” He wasn’t sure how to respond so he just reached out and brushed away some of the hair that had fallen into Lewis’ eyes. “Goin’ to get us more food?”_

_“Yeah, I should be back in a few hours. I put Kev on watch until I get back.”_

_Neither of them dared to voice their fear that he may never come back to these caves and that Lewis would have to take charge despite the fact he could hardly stand for more than a few minutes._

_“Yeah, okay. Be careful Jimmy.”_

_The first few farmhouses he rummaged through only produced three cans of beans, not nearly enough to feed the fifteen kids he had back in those caves for any length of time. They clinked together in the duffle bag as he edged his way closer to the main encampment. He was still pretty raw from his whip wounds, but he managed to shove the pain and hunger deep down until he had a few moments to himself. Right now he had a mission._

_It wasn’t until three guards had stumbled out of the abandoned house to his left that he realized he wasn’t alone. There was no way to escape their attention out in the open like this and cursed himself for being so careless. He should have listened better, should have been more aware of his surroundings but he was so fucking tired and hot and buzzing with pain._

_Their leers when they caught sight of him made the hairs on the back of his neck stand. None of them reached for their phasers._

_“Well, well, look what we have here.” The tallest one said._

_For a heartbeat of a moment, he thought he was back in Riverside with his Uncle Frank staring him down as he saw his Vulcan soulmate’s marks around his eye. But this man was not Frank and he was not back home. He wanted to laugh because for a startling moment he desperately wished he was back home with that abusive fucker because that was better than what he’s had to endure on this hell hole. “I think he’s tryin’ to find food.”_

_“I think so too, Darryl.”_

_Their tone and hungry gazes that raked up and down his body caused his heart to race. If they were going to kill him, they would wait until they had their fun and as he realized this he wished he had died back at the main square. “I suppose we can give you some of our food boy, but we’ll need some kind of payment.” The first guard said. He watched as the guard tapped his index finger to his chin as if he was putting any real thought into what they would want from him. His grip on the duffle bag tightened. “You got a pretty face, I’d love to see what it looks like when you’re getting fucked.”_

_The shortest guard grinned at Jim while he grabbed himself through his uniform. “I bet he’s got a filthy fucking mouth.”_

_All three of them had slowly advanced on him while they spoke and Jim knew he didn’t have much of a choice, so he tried his best to disconnect himself from any physical sensations he felt as he said, “I want the food first, then you can do whatever you want to me.”_

_The first guard seemed to consider his words. “Fine.”_

_The man plucked the duffle bag from his hand and threw it at the guard he thought was Darryl, who walked quickly into the house. Jim prayed that he’d take his sweet time filling up that bag, that he was being the pickiest mother fucker on the planet about what he was willing to give to a half dead kid. Once again, he should have known he wasn’t that fortunate because a couple minutes later, the man re-emerged._

_At least the bag was nearly full and he prayed it contained food that hadn’t been infected with the fungus. The duffle bag was dropped at his feet, but the men didn’t allow him time to check the contents before they pounced, like hungry, feral cats. As their hands raked over his body, pulled at his ragged and dirty clothes he tried not to think about what they were doing, tried to push his mind out of his body so he wouldn’t have to be aware, wouldn’t have to feel the pain._

_Jim Kirk did not have that kind of luck._

_The sound of a zipper and the rustling of pants crashed him back down into himself and panic gripped his bones until he was frozen with fear. There was no backing out of this now, no way that he even would if he had the choice. Emily, Na’van, and Markl were so fucking young, so small they wouldn’t last more than a couple more days without food and he couldn’t...he wouldn’t let them die and if he had to offer his body up as a sacrifice, he’d do it._

_Pain like nothing he ever felt before, including just a few days ago when he was whipped raw, consumed him when the first one of them pushed inside. He screamed which seemed to be exactly what they wanted but he couldn’t stop. Their fingers gripped at his bare hips, digging until they left their mark on his pale, dirty body. The slap of skin on skin became the soundtrack to the next several minutes of his life. Each of them had their turn and thankfully, they came fast inside him._

_“Make sure you come back boy when you need more.”_

_And with that, he was left face down in the dirt, pants around his ankles and a duffle bag full of food to his left. Their footsteps faded along with their laughter and he didn’t move until he could only hear the soft rustle of the trees around him._

_As if he was on autopilot, he pushed himself up and stood on shaky feet as he pulled his pants up. He quickly scooped up the bag and ran the opposite direction of the caves, just in case they wanted to follow him so they could have their fun with the rest of his kids, for what must’ve been an hour before his body forced him to stop._

_What little he had in his stomach refused to stay there as bile rose up his throat and he had no choice but to bend over and vomit behind a tree. His pants slid low onto his hips as he dry heaved until his body could take no more. Even though his vision was blurred with tears, he managed to catch sight of several bruises, reminders of what he had done, what he had let those men do to him._

_His soulmates would see, they would know what he’d done and how he was nothing but disgusting, used human being. They would never want him now._

_It wasn’t until after he came back to himself that he felt the pain and as the rock dropped from his hand and hit the ground he realized what he’d done. Blood stained his arm, but he was able to read the word ‘help’ clear as day._

_He stared at it numbly for only a few minutes before he collected himself. Now was not the time to fucking fall apart. Not when he had food to get back to his kids. They never had to know what he had to do to get this for them. Maybe Lewis would figure it out because the boy was too observant for his own good, but Jim sure as hell was never going to talk about that unless someone pried it out of him._

As the memory faded, he refused to look at the others. Instead, he focused on the house that could have been everything to him. He tried to push the happier memories to the front of his mind because he had been happy here before it went to shit. A whole year of realizing he was safe, loved, and cared for by a woman who didn’t have to take him in at all but did anyway because she _wanted_ to.

How could Spock and Bones ever want him again after seeing that? After being confronted with what he had let those men do to him?

Even though he won’t bring himself to look at them, he can still hear their hitched breaths as the serene landscape settled around them. Part of himself wanted to laugh hysterically at the situation he found himself in because he spent the better part of eight years of his life after Tarsus shoving these memories so far into the recess of his mind that he nearly tricked himself into believing they were gone. But one diplomatic trip in the first year of his captaincy unraveled that illusion.

His fingers curled into a fist until he became aware he didn’t feel the release of pain he sought. A strangled sound clawed up his throat and he mutely realized it was panic. It was Spock who pried his hands open when they began to shake. “T’hy’la ish-veh tor etek vi ri tor nazh du.”

He was too exhausted to argue with Spock. “I wish I could believe that,” he said because it was true. What happened to him on that planet had changed him irrevocably, had torn away the last remnants of innocence and naive hope that survived his mother and uncle.

No one else seemed to dare to speak, but his soulmates refused to relinquish their grip on his skin as if they knew if they moved away he would crumble at their feet, pieces that were too far beyond repair.

And he could admit in the safety of his own mind, that he was afraid even his soulmates would not be able to piece him back together again if he did. Even though he hadn’t felt whole by the time he met Bones on that shuttle and doubted he ever would feel whole again, he had accepted the jagged edges of who he was, had embraced their permanence. He had fought and clawed his way to the person he was today, the Captain who vowed to protect his crew even at the cost of his own life.

As the landscape shifted again, he wondered how much of the years following Tarsus, had been spent lying to himself.

_Days bled into weeks and as time dragged on, he couldn’t be certain anymore that his count was correct. Lewis figured it was about two and a half since his aunt and the others had set them free. It’d be another couple weeks before Starfleet would arrive if they had successfully managed to get a message off the planet. For the sake of the youngest, he prayed that they succeeded._

_Several times since their supplies first ran low, he had to venture out into the desolate landscape of what used to feel like home and find those men. With each thrust of them into his body, he felt dirtier and he was certain before their rescue came or death swept him into her sweet embrace that he would never be able to accept the touch of another as anything but greedy._

_For now, their supplies were...enough. Enough to see them through another week. Enough to keep them alive even though their bodies continued to cry for more._

_Lewis and himself probably ate the least. Kevin had started to notice what they were doing and began to do the same. The youngest one, Emily, had only lost a few pounds, though he had begun to notice even her round cheeks were beginning to hollow out. There was only so much he could do and he feared going back to those men too often. Afraid for himself, but also afraid they would tire of him and demand another one of his kids take his place._

_It was his turn for_ watch _and the sound of his kids' breathing pushed him to remain awake even though he was exhausted. He would get them all off this planet even if it meant he would die in their place. It would be a fair trade really. He was never meant to be alive in the first place, only achieved it through his father’s sacrifice._

_Footsteps broke through his thoughts and he turned to see Lewis flinch his way into a crouch beside him. “Why don’t you get some sleep, Jimmy?”_

_He shook his head. “I’m alright.”_

_Lewis seemed to have anticipated his answer and shifted until he sat down. “You should try to get as much rest as you can before…”_

_He looked at Lewis sharply, searching for disgust in his friend’s eyes. There was none. “You know,” he said because it was pointless to pose the words as a question._

_“I do. And even though I want to offer to take your place, I know you’ll probably just sneak out before I could even go because you’re a noble idiot like that,” the words were said in jest and he saw the twinkle of teasing affection. He reached out without thought until his fingers ghosted across Lewis’ cheek._

_The boy leaned into his touch and he felt his heart twist painfully. “You have a soulmate to find,” he said simply. It was a truth he believed to the core of his being._

_“What about you Jim? You have two to find too.”_

_His smile was sad as he brushed some of Lewis’ hair behind his ear. “I’m ruined, Lew. They won’t want me now. So it doesn’t matter if I don’t make it off this planet.”_

_Lewis’ expression shuttered but he managed to catch the anger before the boy schooled his expression. “Jim. You deserve to get off this planet the most out of all of us. What you’ve done...what you’ve given up for us-”_

_He isn’t sure what made him move until his lips were pressed against Lewis’. Maybe it was the fact he wanted to feel someone touch him that wasn’t those men before he died, maybe it was the fact he just wanted to feel cherished and desired before he went to see them again, maybe it was simply the fact he loved Lewis in a way that wasn’t easily explained or breakable._

_Lewis responded a fraction of a second later and the boy’s hands reached towards him, tangled into his dirty shirt and hair as he was pulled closer. In the back of his mind, he felt guilt. His friend was not one of his soulmates, yet he did not stop even as Lewis pushed him against the cave’s wall. Their bodies were too frail to continue further than that and after a few moments he pulled away and looked at Lewis through his ragged breaths. “I’m_ sor _-”_

_“Don’t.”_

_The pained feeling in his heart returned and he wondered if he just fucked up the only good thing he had on this hell hole. “It’s okay, Jim. I don’t think they’d be mad at us. I wouldn’t be if they were here instead of me. I’d want them to be happy and I think they’d want us to be happy too in the end.”_

_In the end. The words sharpened his focus and he realized each breath Lewis took sounded as though his lungs rattled against his ribcage. As if they strained. He tried to remember when was the last time he saw Lewis eat and found he couldn’t remember. “Lewis-”_

_“It was my choice. You need to know that, Jim because I know you and I forbid you from blaming yourself after all of this is over. If you do I will haunt your ass for eternity. Just….just hold me so I don’t have to go alone. Please.”_

_This could not be reality. He couldn’t accept this was anything other than one of the many nightmares that plagued his dreams the last few weeks. But as Lewis curled into his arms and struggled to take each remaining breath, he knew it to be true. How could he have been so blind? How could he have missed Lewis making such a stupid fucking decision? His arms tightened around Lewis as he planted kisses everywhere his lips could reach. “Can you...promise me one thing…?”_

_He couldn’t bring himself to say the words, but he nodded against the crown of Lewis’ head. “Live, Jimmy. And when you...find them…let them love you. It’s hard...not to love you...but I know how stubborn you are.”_

_Why did those he loved the most find the need to sacrifice themselves? He pulled Lewis tight against his chest until there wasn’t anything that separated them. “I promise,” he said._

_Lewis laughed and turned his head until it pressed against Jim’s neck. “Liar.”_

_They remained there for what felt like hours as they watched the stars above them. Stars that had once drew out dreams of adventure and hope within both of them but now only symbolized everything they likely will never see again, never be able to experience. “Jim,” Lewis said through a hitched breath._

_He knew it was the end as he kissed Lewis one last time. The boy’s lips quirked into a smile against his own. “Remember to live…” he said against Jim’s lips as he pulled away._

_And he watched as Lewis took three final breaths before his body shuddered to a stop._

_He didn’t move, couldn’t bring himself to let go of Lewis just yet. It would be too final, too real if he did. But he didn’t have much time before the others would begin to wake before they would see Lewis’ hollow and gone and he couldn’t let them be confronted with any more death._

_So, with shaky movements, he cradled Lewis’ body to him as he stood and made his way down to the dry, shriveled ground. He gently laid Lewis’ body on the ground while he searched for a rock big enough and then began to dig. By the time his body had enough of his labors, he wasn’t deep enough into the ground and pushed through the haze of pain until finally, Lewis’ grave was deep enough._

_As he pulled himself out he saw Kevin standing beside Lewis, tears on his cheeks. “Let me help,” the boy said._

_Together, they lowered Lewis into his grave and placed rocks to cover his sightless eyes before they began to cover their friend’s body with dirt. The sun had risen just as they piled rocks on top of the grave until they loosely formed a grave marker next to the others._

_“Goodbye, Lewis.”_

_Two days later, Starfleet arrived. Two days later, he was on board the U.S.S Mayflower without Lewis and even though his friend had made him swear not to blame himself, he could feel nothing but grief, despair, and blame as the Mayflower warped away from Tarsus._

_He screamed Lewis’ name over and over again as the planet faded behind him._

The world blurred until he blinked and he was back in his own body on the Braavin’s homeworld. Silky sheets brushed against his skin and his body relaxed against the warmth of the heavy blanket that had been placed on him at some point during his trip down memory lane.  

As the others stirred in beds beside him but once more he refused to look at any of them. “Captain,” The Braavin’s leader stepped into his line of sight and their skin was a startling shade of blue now. “I am sorry you have suffered. We understand that you will need to find your [beep]. Please let us know when you are ready to begin discussions.”

All he could do was nod, unable to trust his voice from cracking and destroying what little stability he still felt. The leader bowed gracefully before leaving them alone.

“C’mon Jimmy, let's get you back to the ship.” Bones’ words were soft as though his soulmate sensed how fragile he felt. And he hated to admit that he _was_ as fragile as he had been the day Starfleet showed up and rescued every unfortunate soul who still lived.

“No,” he said. “Commander, please ask the Braavins to show us to our rooms.”

God, he hoped he sounded commanding enough.

“Jim. I do not think it is wise to remain on the planet.”

Thunder forced its way into what must be the medical wing of the grand hall they had beamed to just earlier that day. (How long had they been in his memories? Did they miss their check in with Scotty? No they must not have; no one had come to find them…) “I can’t go back up there right now,” he said. “It’ll feel too much like…”

“Back then,” Nyota finished gently.

How was he ever going to face her and Chekov ever again? Hell, did either of them want to remain his friends after seeing everything? Somehow, they had become his family and thanks to telepathic aliens that would be ruined now.

Oh, what an unfortunate bastard he was destined to be.

 

◎

 

The room that the Braavins escorted them to was spacious and contained rather simple architectural designs. The furniture within their room, however, was elaborately decorated with geometrical patterns carved into the wood and woven into almost every piece of fabric. The windows were approximately twice his own height, though even he could appreciate the view of the alien world.

Before he could catalog the native flora, Jim sighed. “I don’t want to sleep right now, Bones.”

There was a sharp twist in his side when he observed the way Jim tensed as Leonard went grab his hand. It was illogical to feel hurt on Leonard’s behalf, but the flash of pain in both of his soulmates eyes was rather apparent. Jim flinched away from Leonard and while he desired to comfort Jim as well, he knew he would be no more welcomed into his soulmates personal space than Leonard had been. “Jim,” he said gently. The wariness that crossed the man’s face was not a reaction he had anticipated, but he continued on. “Rest will ease the mental exhaustion you are currently experiencing.”

Jim simply shook his head. “I’d rather not deal with the nightmares after that.”

Once more, he wished that they were bonded so that he could accurately sense his soulmates emotional state and assist with calming the mind. Leonard looked at him with an expression that could only be described as pained. “I know you’re afraid of havin’ nightmares, Jimmy, but you really should try to get some sleep. We’ll be right there if you do. Just like always.”

Just as he was about to voice his agreement with Leonard’s statement, Jim laughed and the sound admittedly startled him. It was not like the previous laughter from his soulmate and the blank expression that settled on Jim’s face could not indicate a calm, collected mind. In the eleven point three months he had known Jim, his soulmate always expressed himself freely and the abrupt absence of emotion was unsettling. “You don’t have to pretend that you want to sleep in the same bed as me after seeing all of that. I knew the moment it was all over that no one, even my own soulmates, could want to be with me.”

He found himself unable to formulate a response to Jim’s inaccurate assumptions since he knew mere words would not dissuade Jim of his belief. Leonard remained silent beside him as well.

It took several moments before he saw Jim’s tears and he had to clench his hands tightly behind his back to refrain from brushing them away as he had done the day Jim received his orders to take command of the Enterprise. “I knew that one day I’d have to tell you about Tarsus...but I never thought it’d happen like this. That you’d actually fucking _see_ everything as if you had been _there_. If you’re going to leave me, can you just get it over with?”

The longer Jim talked he could no longer allow his soulmate’s incorrect assumptions continue. “We are not going to ‘leave you’, Jim. I have no intention of ever leaving your side or Leonard’s.”

“No.” Leonard’s voice was firm and Jim appeared surprised by their words. That sharp twist in his side returned. “I won’t let you be a fool and believe that because of what you did to save yourself and those other kids would mean Spock and I would suddenly stop lovin’ you!”

Jim opened his mouth to speak but failed to find words to properly convey his emotions. It was apparent that the tears would not cease and he stepped forward into Jim’s personal space. “Th’yl’a I must insist that you rest. It should dissuade you of your misconceptions in the wake of reliving your trauma. As Leonard said, we shall remain by your side in the case you experience any unpleasant dreams.”

He remained decidedly where he stood and watched as his soulmate’s thoughts flashed across his face in quick succession until finally, all that remained was tired resignation. “Okay, okay fine I’ll try.”

This time Jim allowed Leonard to help him into the large bed at the center of the room. “Do you want me to give you a sedative Jimmy? It should keep the nightmares away…”

Jim frowned. “No, I’ll be fine. You know I hate how I feel after I wake up from them.”

It was twenty point nine minutes before Jim drifted into unconsciousness. At first, he and Leonard had sat on either side of the bed but after fourteen point three minutes Jim had claimed their ‘hovering’ was ‘putting him on edge’ and thus they had retreated to the overstuffed couch beneath the large windows.

Leonard reached for his hand two point seven minutes after the rise of fall of Jim’s chest steadied. He did not pull away as his soulmate threaded their fingers together. Through the contact, he experienced Leonard’s depthless emotions and found many of them aligned with his own: grief, anger, sadness, disbelief, confusion, pride.

“I knew what happened to him wasn’t good,” Leonard said. “Hell, I suspected someone was...but I never once thought he was on that godforsaken planet... _Spock_.”

The broken tone of Leonard’s voice caused an irrational wave of anger to press against his battered shields. His anger was not directed at his soulmates but rather the Braavin’s leader who unilaterally came to the conclusion that their own customs would ‘heal’ Jim’s mind. Logically, he knew that the leader had not intended to inflict any harm upon Jim, but rather in a misguided attempt to assist his soulmate’s emotional landscape.

Precisely thirty point eight minutes later Jim made a pained noise. As he and Leonard approached they heard Jim say the name, “Lewis” as if it caused physical pain.  

Leonard cursed beside him and he could see that his soulmate’s hands shook. “Two days, Spock. Two more days and he would have lived. Jim would find someone who was as much of a noble idiot as himself.”

The memory of Lewis’ death elicited several emotions and he could not name all of them with any degree of confidence without mediation. The few he could name conflicted with each other, but he could not devote any time to work through them until he knew Jim did not suffer further emotional trauma. “It would appear so.”

As he watched Jim toss onto his side, he could no longer remain passive while his soulmate clearly suffered and he reached out to brush his fingers against Jim’s temple. He projected memories he knew would calm Jim until the man stilled into a more restful sleep. Neither Leonard or himself slept that night and when Jim woke six point two hours later, they remained at the end of the bed, ready to offer Jim whatever he required of them.

Of all the possible scenarios that he surmised, Jim’s refusal to look him or Leonard in their eyes was not one of them. Had they not made it clear to Jim that they loved him no less than they had before his memories of Tarsus IV had been revealed?

“Is there a shower?” Jim asked.

He hesitated for two point six seconds before he answered, “Yes. There is a bathroom connected to the suite through the walk-in closet.”

Jim nodded and he watched as his soulmate disappeared behind the door.

“Dammit,” Leonard said once they heard the water begin to run. “I was afraid of this.”

“Please clarify,” he demanded.

If Leonard found his tone unsatisfactory, his soulmate did not reveal his displeasure. “He’s shutting us out. I wouldn’t be surprised if he slept in one of the empty quarters once we get back on the Enterprise. Not that I can blame him. Fuck, Spock, it’s a miracle that Jim never succumbed to his trauma after being rescued, that he was able to live an almost normal life. What we saw is enough to break a Human and that wasn’t even all of it…”

Two point three days later, a treaty was brokered between the Braavin’s leader and Jim. The Braavin’s seemed pleased with Jim and themselves and wished Jim a ‘long and happy life now that his trauma has been set free’.

He did not believe that Jim’s trauma had been ‘set free’ as they aptly put. Nor did Leonard.

It was apparent to the entire crew that Jim was withdrawn and he calculated that ninety-six point three percent of the crew had some level of desire to restore Jim back to the man he had been before the diplomatic mission. Leonard was correct in theorizing that Jim would take it upon himself to decide that they would not want to share a bed with him any longer, despite the nineteen times they told him otherwise.

Eight point three days after they had returned to the Enterprise, Nyota followed him into the turbolift once their shift had concluded. She remained silent for five point one seconds before she turned to face him. It was evident that she was concerned. “He still hasn’t come back to sleep in your quarters has he?” she asked.

“No, he has been steadfast in his decision to remain separated from us despite our wishes otherwise. I admit I am unsure of how to dissuade Jim of his beliefs.”

Nyota contemplated his words and he clasped his hands behind his back as he waited. She was a brilliant woman, and her friendship during his time as an instructor had brought him great comfort. He knew her advice on how to comfort his Human soulmate would be sound based on the factors of being Human herself and her residence in their apartment for six point three months.

“I think all he needs is to be reminded that things can go back to normal. It’s clear he doesn’t want to talk about what happened...and honestly, I don’t think any of us should push him to.” She shrugged before continuing, “We need to make sure he knows through actions that he didn’t lose any of us. He may lash out when we refuse to let him isolate himself, but I think that’s a defense he created long before any of us knew him and it must’ve worked for him to fall back on it again.”

He processed her words and one point three seconds later agreed Nyota’s logic was sound. “As my previous methods have not produced our desired result, I believe your theory will have an eighty point two percent likelihood to succeed.”

She rested her hand on his arm. “Spock, know that I love you dearly as a friend, but I think right now Jim needs you to perhaps indulge your Human half a little more than normal. Not so much that he’d think you’re just doing it to make him feel better or pity him, but enough that he can believe you're not going anywhere.”

The next Alpha shift on the Bridge, it appeared that Nyota discussed their strategy with Mr. Chekov when the young Human turned in his chair to look at Jim with a smile that could only be classified as excited. “Keptain!” Mr. Chekov said loudly, but clearly ‘cheerful’ a tone the young Human did not employ twelve point three six hours ago when addressing Jim.

He observed that the Bridge crew ceased their movements as they waited in anticipation for Jim’s reaction. Mr. Chekov did not wait for Jim’s permission to continue speaking as his heavily accented voice said, “I believe to have detected a planet just on the other side of the asteroid belt! And a very large one, sir!”

Jim did not react to Mr. Chekov’s discovery for two point nine seconds. When Jim did react, he was pleased to see his soulmate smile, an expression Jim had not given to anyone on the Enterprise since his return from the Braavin’s homeworld. “Hmm, what do you say we try and find this planet?”

Mr. Chekov smiled and as Jim turned the captain’s chair he was greeted with the same smile he had given Mr. Chekov. “No objections, Mr. Spock?” Jim asked, his tone indicating that he was being teased.

While navigating out of the asteroid belt was against their current orders, he decided two point six seconds after Jim’s question that he would not mention that fact. “No, sir,” he said.

Jim’s smile grew as he returned the captain’s chair to its proper direction. “Plot a course Mr. Chekov.”

It was the first glimpse anyone on the Bridge saw the Captain Kirk they had come to know and respect in the seven point nine months under his command. It was the first glimpse that he, as one of Jim’s soulmates, saw the man he loved.

Jim did not leave the Bridge with him after the Alpha shift has concluded and the Beta crew members have relieved them, instead he noted that Mr. Chekov rushed to Jim’s side and discussed with Jim some modifications that are being done to the engine so they may sustain warp six for two point three times the current limit.

Jim smiled.

As Leonard entered their quarters eight point three minutes after himself, he informed his soulmate of the events on the Bridge and Jim’s emotional reactions. “Good. That’s good. Seems like Nyota’s idea is workin’ out. Maybe this means we’ll get his scrawny ass to come back home. I love you and all darlin’ but I miss Jim layin’ next to me. To _us_.”

He inclined his head. “I too, miss him.”

Leonard snorted and rolled his eyes. “Can’t you just say ‘I miss him too’ like a normal person?”

“Is that not what I said?”

It seemed they all needed to be reminded ‘things’ could go back to normal.

Three point three days later, he carried his mother’s chess set with him to the Officer’s Mess precisely when he calculated Jim would be eating his evening meal. He did not alert Jim to his presence until he seated himself across from his soulmate. As he began to set up the board, Jim looked at him with hesitation. “You were black the last time we played, Jim.”

He did not allow Jim the option of fleeing.

Jim was a smart enough man to know an order versus a request and he was pleased to see Jim pick up the white pieces and place them on the board. As they played, he headed Nyota’s advice and discussed numerous, neutral topics, with Jim. Sixty-three point two percent of the conversation involved ship business, but as their game came to its conclusion, Jim willingly discussed their plans to visit Admiral Pike and his parents the next time the Enterprise was ordered back to Earth.

They played a game of chess the following four nights in the Officer’s Mess and each game revealed more of the James T. Kirk he had come to know since discovering they were soulmates. The fourth night just as he and Leonard had begun to ready themselves for sleep, the door to their quarters opened and Jim hesitated for point four five seconds before he stepped inside.

Jim did not sleep in the bed with them, rather the couch, but Leonard assured him the next morning before they woke Jim that it was positive progress. “Ny told me she’s been dragging him up to the observation deck every night the last week, claimin’ Scotty’s been busy with the engines and she’s bored.”

More of Jim’s things returned to their quarters over the next two point nine days and when he returned to their quarters late into the ship’s night to see it empty, he asked the computer to locate Leonard McCoy and James T. Kirk.

As he entered the Medbay, he immediately heard Jim’s laughter and he lightened his footsteps as he neared Leonard’s office. The door remained cracked open, in the event that Leonard was needed for an emergency, and he was able to discern Jim and Leonard each holding a glass with an amber liquid. No doubt from Leonard’s bottle of bourbon that he kept in the bottom left drawer of his desk. “Fuck Bones, I totally forgot that happened to Gary. Pretty sure I pissed my pants that day from laughing so hard.”

Leonard made a sound that was both a snort and laughter before he responded, “Oh you did kid, you definitely did but honestly the look on Gary’s face was impossible not to laugh your ass off at.”

He retreated from the Medbay and returned to their quarters. Instead of readying himself for sleep, he grabbed his incense and lit three of them before he settled into a relaxed meditation pose. Thirty point five minutes later, Leonard and Jim stumbled into their quarters. “Shit Spock, sorry,” Jim mumbled quickly and it was apparent his soulmates were as Human’s say ‘tipsy’.

He rose and extinguished the incenses. “There is nothing to apologize for, Jim.”

Once all three of them were prepared for bed, Jim hovered in indecision at the end once he and Leonard had slipped under the covers. His soulmate made a sound that could only be accurately described as a sigh before he decisively climbed into their bed and settled between himself and Leonard.

Leonard wrapped Jim up into his arms without any hesitation and sent him a look of relief and love over Jim’s head as their soulmate nuzzled into Leonard’s neck. His lips quirked slightly as he watched and he brushed his fingers down the arch of Jim’s spine. “Hmmm felt good,” Jim’s words were mumbled against Leonard’s skin, but his Vulcan hearing allowed him to catch each one.

He continued to stroke Jim’s back until his soulmate’s breath evened out. “Welcome home, Jim.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Translation:** _T’hy’la ish-veh tor etek vi ri tor nazh du_ \- T'hy'la it is we who do not deserve you.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and I hope for those of you who have waited for the Tarsus IV reveal that it was worth it. This chapter was definitely emotionally taxing for me to write and so I hope you'll be forgiving if the next chapter takes me a little longer to get out. 
> 
> Speaking of, the next chapter is finally, _finally_ the beginnings of Star Trek: Into Darkness. It'll likely be split into two parts like with Star Trek 2009 and the POVs may not be in their normal order considering Bones doesn't get the screen time he deserved. And again, I just want to thank each and every one of who you have left a comment or given this fic a kudos. Without you, I probably wouldn't have had the guts to flesh this story out into what it has become now. And I thank you for coming on this crazy journey with me. 
> 
> Until next time <3


	7. Khan I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another part of the story I'm sure many of you have been waiting for! This is the first part of the events that take place in Into Darkness, which means, no Jim doesn't die this chapter. However, there are several elements of the first part of the film that are changed. Certain things in the film just wouldn't make sense in my little soulmate au if I kept them exactly as is. I predict the next two parts will be more aligned with what happens with only a few minor tweaks. 
> 
> Again, a huge shout out to my beta! She is wonderful and amazing and listens to me scream about what I want to have happen and she's had some really great ideas as well. These last few chapters would not have been half as well done without her. <3 
> 
> Also! Some of you may have already noticed the change to this fic, but I'm officially turning this story into a series. It will just make more sense, in the long run, to break this up into parts rather than overwhelm myself with trying to fit everything I want to do into one piece. So we're roughly five chapters away from this particular fic coming to an end!
> 
> Without further ado, please enjoy <3

◎

 

Most of the time, Jim was more than happy to let him stay in the safety of his Medbay, but ever since the whole Braavin fiasco, well, his soulmate found one reason or another to drag him down onto alien planets. Of course, he knew it was because Jim was being precautious, making sure that if something like his trip down memory lane happened again, he’d be there to catch him in the fallout.

While Spock would have normally objected to the ship's’ Chief Medical Officer joining the away team when there is no need for a doctor, his Vulcan soulmate turned a blind eye to whatever protocols forbid three of the six senior ranking officers to be off the ship at the same time unless absolutely necessary. “Jim’s health, both physical and mental, are absolutely necessary to maintain the cohesive function of the ship.”

He snorted into his soup. “A technicality and you know it.”

Spock remained silent and he smirked as he finished up his lunch. Despite the fact he was terrified of getting his innards all jumbled together mid-beam or ending up in a shuttle crash halfway down to a new planet, he wasn’t about to let the one time he refused to join Jim for a mission be the time Jim needed him most. Eventually, he knew Jim’s fear would ease and his grip would loosen so that Leo could happily sit his ass in his Medbay while his soulmates dealt with all the diplomatic bullshit.

Jim, for the most part, had managed to find his way back to his previous annoying and obnoxious self two months after the Braavin mission. It was remarkable to watch and he wondered what Jim’s life would have been like if he and Spock and the crew had been around the first time when Winona took him back to Riverside after surviving that hell hole. The nightmares continued most nights, though Spock assured him that Jim’s nightmares were ‘decreasing at a steady rate’ since their stubborn, idiotic soulmate moved back into their quarters.

Pike helped as much as he could from Earth, something Leo was grateful for. Even though Jim complained, a lot of their recent missions were surveying M-Class planets or mapping out a star system at the outer edges of the Alpha and Beta quadrants, he could see it in the lines of Jim’s body that his soulmate needed the slower paced missions.

And damn, he couldn’t deny that Jim looked beautiful when he stood at the edge of an alien cliff as the sun set behind him, grinning at both him and Spock as if this was all he needed from them and from life.

“Ugh,” Jim said as he flopped into one of the chairs across his desk. He rose an eyebrow at Spock when his other soulmate walked into his office and stood behind Jim.

When neither of them spoke, he rolled his eyes and turned away from his computer terminal. “What’s got your panties in a twist, Jim?”

Spock’s very subtle twitch as his word choice was enough to pull his lips up into a smug grin. Jim either didn’t notice or care about their usual bantering as he groaned, dramatically at that, again. “Another planet survey mission. I’m dying for some fun ones.”

Dear Lord. “For Christ’s sake, Jim, you’re twenty-six, stop acting like a child. It’s better than ferrying around stuffy diplomats from one planet to another. You despise those cause you’re cooped up on the ship, might I remind you.”

Jim’s pout was almost effective, almost, but his exasperation remained. “I know, but there have just been rumors going around Command that they’re going to pick a ship and crew soon for a new kind of mission and I want it, but I won’t get it if we keep getting these easy missions.”

Okay, well that was new. Either Jim just didn’t want to tell him what these rumors were or they were relatively recent ones. It was Spock who picked up on his unvoiced question, “The Admiralty will be selecting a Captain and crew for a five-year mission into uncharted space.”

Jesus fucking Christ. His worst nightmare.

But his words caught in his throat when he noticed Jim’s eyes were bright, the happiest they’ve looked since the Braavin’s and dammit, he couldn’t ruin the kid’s hopeful high with his usual griping. Instead, he settled on an exaggerated sigh. “What’s this new planet we’re goin’ to next?”

“Nibiru.”

And he should have known better, really should have, that when Jim Kirk was involved the peace and quiet never remained long. They weren’t supposed to go down to the planet, the civilization that lived on the surface had barely invented the wheel, and Spock had reminded Jim way too many times during the mission brief they were not to break the prime directive.

He could see it on Jim’s face that the kid wanted desperately to walk on the new planet, to feel the red leaves with his own hands, to breathe in alien air. And despite those desires, he knew Jim would have followed Starfleet protocol for once. But the damn volcano just had to spew ash up into the sky and Spock just had to say “extinction level event” in that tight voice that signaled their Vulcan was rattled by the discovery.

Perhaps, in another life where Vulcan hadn’t gotten sucked into a tiny black hole, Spock would’ve accepted the extinction of a whole alien race and they wouldn’t be breaking the one protocol that could get them all into serious fucking trouble. But that was not their life.

“Hold on, you’re telling me the only way to keep this thing from erupting is to send Spock, our _soulmate_ mind you, into the fucking heart of the volcano?”

Before Jim could respond, Scotty had his own mini eruption. “You want us to park the Enterprise at the bottom of their ocean? Sir! Our lass is a starship, not a submarine!”

The urge to pinch the bridge of his nose was almost too great to ignore, but when Spock looked at him all his aggravation drained away. Dammit, they were gonna do this. Not just because that’s who Jim was, the man who didn’t like no-win scenarios, but because unlike with Vulcan, Jim and Spock believed they could actually stop this planet from becoming a fiery husky.

“You’ll figure out how to make it work, Scotty. We all will. We aren’t about to sit on our asses while we watch those people lose their lives when we can do something about it.”

No one argued after Jim said those words and before he knew it they managed to hash out a plan that could actually fucking work. And of course, Jim said he was going down there too because apparently risking Spock’s life wasn’t just enough for Jim. Then again, he didn’t trust Jim not to do something stupid and reckless and wind up hurt while trying to get the natives away from the base of the volcano.

As they beamed down to the surface, he had to admit it was beautiful. The red trees were a bit disorienting. He grew up in Georgia dammit, trees were only supposed to change from their normal green coloring in the fall. Jim took a few moments to look around before grim determination settled on his face. “Alright, you know what to do. I’ll meet you back here.”

Before Jim could pull up his mask and walk away, he grabbed the man’s wrist and tugged until Jim was close enough to kiss. Jim’s gentle sigh against his lips made his heart flutter like a goddamn cartoon princess, but it was worth it when he saw Jim’s smile. “I’ll be fine, Bones.”

Then Jim was gone.

And really, that’s when he should have known their plan wouldn’t go off without a hitch.

“Captain, I’m ditching the shuttle. You’ve got to make it to the Enterprise on your own.” Two things flashed through his mind when he heard Sulu’s words. One, he was so going to kill Jim when all of this was done and over with and two, there was no way Spock neutralized the volcano yet by the angry sounds it was making behind him.

Which meant either Spock is going with Sulu and Nyota back to the ship or they’re leaving Spock in the volcano. Jesus fuck, he prayed it was the former.

“Jim! Jim, the beach is  _that_ way!”

“I know! We’re not going to the beach!”

Really, he needed to start putting his foot down on coming along on these harebrained missions of Jim’s because in what universe did his soulmate think he’d ever be okay with jumping off a damn cliff on an alien planet? He wouldn’t even do it on Earth.

Yet, there it was and Jim hadn’t slowed down. “I hate this!”

“I know you do!”

The water was warmer than he thought it would be. As he fumbled to put on his mask so he could at least breathe, he wondered if the ocean was so warm because a goddamn super volcano was throwing a damn fit. One saving grace at least, as his suit propelled him towards the correct airlock, was the swim wasn’t that far. When the airlock closed behind them and the water began to drain, some of the panic in his heart loosened.

“Do you have any idea how ridiculous it is to hide a starship on the bottom of the ocean? We’ve been down here since last night! The salt water’s going to ruin the -”

“Scotty!” He and Jim shouted at the same time.

Thankfully, their friend immediately stopped ranting. “Where’s Spock?”

“Still in the volcano, sir.”

Oh, he was going to strangle both of them when Spock got back on board. And then he was going to make them sleep on the couch together because he was a damn good doctor, but he couldn’t do much to save Spock if he got vaporized by magma and they both should know that.

(He steadfast refused to wonder what their marks would look like if that happened.)

The fear that flooded his veins was not something he ever wanted to experience again when this was over. He kept the panic at bay by reminding himself that Jim was a tactical genius and he would figure out a way to get Spock out of that thing. “Lieutenant, do we have an open channel to Mr. Spock?”

“The heat’s frying his comms, but we still have contact.”

“Spock?” Jim’s voice strained with his own fear and he pushed back his flare of anger. Later, later he would yell at both of them.

For a moment, he thought that Nyota had already lost Spock, but his soulmate’s voice rang out through the bridge. “I have activated the device, Captain. When the countdown is complete, the reaction should render the volcano inert.”

His beautiful, stupid hobgoblin. “Yeah, and that’s going to render him inert!” The words tumbled from his lips before he could stop them and form better ones.

“ - it will be revealed to the indigenous species.”

Oh god, Spock can’t seriously suggest that they actually let him die in that volcano? No, no, that wasn’t right. They only just found each other, only had a little over a year together, Spock wasn’t supposed to be the one who went first.

There had to be an exception. Spock was a soulmate. Regulations were broken and bent all the time if it meant saving someone who was a soulmate to another. Starfleet could demand a lot of things from their officers, but at the end of the day, they couldn’t ask them to stand back and let their soulmate die because it would violate some stupid rules.

Jim seemed to be under the same belief because just as he came out of his own thoughts, the Enterprise jolted beneath his feet. He threw a wild look at Jim as they watched the countdown on the viewscreen creep closer and closer to zero.

This was not supposed to happen. None of them were supposed to die today.

Vaguely, he registered the words of the officer manning the transporter (was it Chekov? He had no idea anymore) that they had Spock and without any real thought he ran. Jim was right on his heels as the skidded into the transporter room and there was Spock, alive and with an annoyed look on his face.

“Spock! You alright?”

Just as he was about to open his mouth and give Spock the mother of all rants, his Vulcan soulmate spoke. “Captain, you let them see our ship.”

Oh, yeah, Leo definitely couldn’t stand to look at either of his soulmates without feeling rage. “Get your fucking ass to Medbay right now and so help me god, Spock, if you say something about regulations one more time, you will not be allowed in our quarters tonight,” he snapped.

Through the helmet, he could see Spock’s eyes widen just barely, but he was familiar enough with the ticks of his soulmate’s face to notice the movement and know what it meant.

“Bones -” Jim began but no, he wasn’t in the mood to hear it from Jim either.

“And you!” he snarled as he turned to face Jim. “You best kiss every admirals ass until you just get a slap on the wrist for this stupid plan y’all came up with.”

“But Bones -”

“No! Jim, you fucked up here. _Both_ of you did. And right now, I can’t see or think straight because I am so furious. So you call Pike and you make sure that your ass isn’t handed to you. I am not staying up here without you if they decide to demote your ass. So. Fix. It.”

There was total silence after his words, which only fueled his anger. “Dammit, did I stutter?”

He could tell Jim wasn’t too pleased with him right now, but honestly rank didn’t matter right now. They’ve been good about establishing boundaries when they were all on duty, calling each other by their rank or title and never letting the fact they’re all soulmates get in the way of missions. Today though, well, today was too close of a call for him to not trample over those boundaries. It wasn’t like anyone else was around to hear the ship’s CMO yell at the Captain.

The fear began to subside as he looked Spock over once he was out of that damn monkey suit. Spock, wisely, remained silent throughout his examination. While Geoffrey was normally Spock’s physician, his friend knew when to step back and let Leo fret over his Vulcan until he believed that Spock wasn’t about to disappear on him. As he set the tricorder down, Spock’s fingers wrapped around his wrist. “Leonard,” he said gently.

“I know,” he breathed. “I know you’re fine, but I thought for a second we wouldn’t make it and you were going to…” The brush of Spock’s lips against his temple was enough to erase the remaining fear. “You best go help Jim. Half of those admirals are terrified to have a full conversation with you.”

“Will I be allowed in our quarters tonight?”

He huffed out a laugh as he pressed his own kiss to Spock’s temple as he moved away. “Yes. Though I don’t want to hear any whining when I wrap around you like a boa constrictor tonight.”

“Vulcans do not ‘whine’ Leonard.”

“Yeah okay, whatever you need to tell yourself, Spock,” he said and as the words left his mouth, he felt the tension in his shoulders loosen. This, the bantering, was familiar and normal, _comforting_.

As Spock stood and straightened his regulation black undershirt and pants, he brushed his index and middle fingers against Leo’s. “Jim is likely not pleased with you.”

He snorted and rolled his eyes as he returned the Vulcan kiss. “Tough shit. If he’s mad, it’s just ‘cause he knows I’m right.”

Spock was silent as he pulled his fingers away from Leo’s. “I will see you in the Mess for dinner?

“Yeah. After today, I need some comfort food.”

When he walked into the Mess a few hours later, he noticed Spock had already beaten him here and had gotten food for both of them. As he sat down, he smiled down at the replicated peach cobbler. It wasn’t as good as his Gram's had been, but it would do. “Jim still talkin’ to Pike?”

“Yes, I believe they are strategizing the best approach with minimal fallout. Admiral Pike spent the first one point two hours informing us of all the regulations that were broken. He was extremely displeased and only referred to Jim as ‘son’ twice before I was dismissed.”

He flinched at that last bit. Even when their conversations were supposed to be strictly professional, Pike called Jim ‘son’ more than he did ‘Captain’. “Well, it’s best to be upfront about what happened I figured. The brass has been watching all of us like hawks. And we both know too many of ‘em don’t like Jim as it is and are just waiting for his first big fuck up.”

Spock tilted his head slightly. “A crude way to describe Command’s attitude towards Jim, but not entirely inaccurate.”

He snorted and rolled his eyes. Secretly, he loved the way Spock talked though he would always give his soulmate a hard time out loud about it. He figured Spock enjoyed the way he spoke just as much. As they finished up their dinners, Spock headed to the science labs and he, well, he had nothing pressing in Medbay to deal with. Anyway, it technically was Geoffrey’s shift and the other doctor was more than capable of handling things.

Halfway through the holomovie, he had playing in their small living area, Jim walked in. His soulmate froze in the doorway before he let out a tired sigh and moved to sit on the other end of the couch. Leo knew Jim well enough to know when to keep quiet, so he simply shifted until he faced Jim.

“I was just as scared about losing Spock too, you know.”

“I know, Jim.”

“It wasn’t like I enjoyed the fact our plan involved him dropping down into the middle of an active volcano. Pike’s pretty pissed that I even agreed to let Spock be put in a dangerous situation like that.” Jim continued, though the lines of his body told Leo that he was still pretty upset. “The brass is gonna be so pissed I broke the Prime Directive for Spock.”

A beat. “Yeah, they probably are.”

Something in Jim’s expression shifted and before he could put his finger on what it was, Jim moved until his head was in Leo’s lap. His hand settled into Jim’s soft hair. “You still mad at me, Bones?”

He shook his head. “No. Truthfully, I was more scared than mad back in the transporter room. I know what we do for a livin’ isn’t exactly safe all the time, but I kind of figured whatever trouble you two got into, I’d be able to fix.”

Jim tilted his head back until he could look into Leo’s eyes. “I’ll try my best to make sure neither of us ends up in a volcano ever again.”

A smile cracked across his lips and he rolled his eyes. “Next time just drop the damn thing in. You have a crew full of geniuses, I’m sure someone can figure out how to manage that.”

Jim’s smile was soft and his voice warm when he said, “You got it.”

As they settled into bed without Spock, he kissed Jim slowly and deeply until his soulmate completely relaxed beneath him with gentle sighs. Jim’s hands caressed his body, fingers teasing over the sensitive spot on his hips until arousal stirred. It didn’t consume him but he enjoyed the pleasurable sensations as Jim’s lips trailed down his neck all the same. “I love you, Bones.”

He let out a shaky breath when Jim’s teeth nipped at the hollow of his neck. “You better.”

Jim laughed, hot breath fanned across his neck and he grinned. “You know, normal people usually say ‘I love you too’ when someone says that to them.”

As he pulled back, he saw laughter dancing in Jim’s too blue eyes. “Now what fun would that be?”

 

◎

 

“I told you it wouldn’t be pleasant,” Chris said as they left the debriefing. He shot the man a withering look, but there was no real bite behind it really because Chris had warned him and ultimately, he had been arrogant enough to believe their plan on Nibiru would go off without a hitch.

For Christ’s sake, he risked Spock’s life.

Chris clapped a hand on his shoulder and he noticed the subtle way the man, who was his father in every way that counted, used him to relieve pressure on his leg that continued to bother him after all this time. “I know you wanted that five-year mission, but Jim, the fact you get to remain in command of the Enterprise is a win.”

He scoffed. “Yeah, sure. I can’t believe they removed you as the Enterprise’s point of contact though. I fucking hate Komack and he’s going to give me nothing but hell.”

Chris stopped abruptly and when he turned he was surprised to see a look of total aggravation on the man’s face. He watched as Chris angrily shoved his finger onto the reader and his office door open with a soft hiss. “You have any idea what a pain in the ass you are?”

As they stepped into the spacious room, he didn’t move to take a seat. He had a feeling Chris was yelling at him more as an Admiral than as a father right now and stood loosely at attention. “I think so, sir.”

“No, Jim, I don’t think you do. What’s the lesson to be learned here?”

Affronted by Chris’ tone, he sent the man a  sharp look. The lesson? What he really wanted to say was that the brass is a bunch of assholes if they think it’s ever going to be okay to sit on their hands while a whole race of people die from something they could prevent. But he had a feeling that wouldn’t go over well, so he said, “Don’t put my First Officer slash soulmate into an active volcano ever again.”

Chris sighed at his obvious sarcasm. “You also risked Lieutenant Uhura and Sulu’s lives, Jim! Along with the entire crew when you decided to fly the ship right over a volcano that was seconds away from _erupting_! It was sheer dumb luck that nothing more serious happened to any of them. You aren’t God, Jim. You can’t use luck to justify your actions and if you continue to do so, the Enterprise _will_ be taken from you.”  

Frustration swelled hot and heavy in his chest and he barely bit back a nasty retort. He had to remind himself several times that this was Chris, and at the end of the day, this man only wanted him to succeed. Unlike some of the other admirals, he just had to put up with for hours.

“Am I dismissed, sir?” he finally bit out.

Chris looked disappointed, but he just couldn’t stand there and be lectured for the third time since everything went so wrong on that fucking planet. Even though he didn’t fully understand the downright fury some of the brass felt over this one little mishap with the Prime Directive, he at least understood they all had sticks up their asses, minus Chris, of course. “Yeah, son, you are.”

Just as he stepped up to the door, Chris’ voice was softer as he asked, “We still on for dinner tonight?”

His shoulders slumped because the question wasn’t business and he threw a small smile over his shoulder. “Of course, Bones and Spock would probably kick me out of the apartment and have dinner with you all by themselves if I tried to cancel because I’m worked up over all of this. Don’t be late, I have it on good authority that Bones is making his Gram's famous peach cobbler.”

When he finally made his way back to their apartment, he wasn’t surprised that Bones demanded to know what happened the moment he pulled off his uniform jacket. Spock, of course, was far more patient and he shot his soulmate a grateful look over Bones’ head. “I’m still the Captain if that’s what you’re so worked up about,” he finally snapped.

Immediately, he felt guilt. Bones was only worried. Same as Spock and same as Chris. “Nothing is going to change too dramatically for us,” he said softer. “Komack is now our point of contact with the brass instead of Pike and we’re out of the running for that five-year mission. We’re stuck with milk runs for the foreseeable future, but we’re still going to stay together.”

Both of his soulmates thankfully picked up on how he was over talking about it and Bones gruffly ordered him and Spock to help him prep for dinner that night. Despite his earlier anger, he was glad to see that his soulmates fretted about the kitchen with the same tenacity they applied whenever it was Spock’s parents coming over. While he wanted to help, Bones mostly ushered him out of the kitchen, and he threw teasing words over his shoulder about how they were total control freaks.

Just as the last dish was set on the dining room table, the door chimed. Chris seemed almost hesitant when he opened the door and he did his best to ease the remaining tension from earlier that day. “Fifteen minutes early! Spock’ll be proud.”

“Jim,” Spock said, and while Chris didn’t pick up on his soulmate’s exasperation, he certainly did, and threw Spock a smug grin.

Chris rolled his eyes but his shoulders relaxed as he stepped inside. “I will never understand how those two put up with you,” he teased.

Jim clutched his hands over his heart as he feigned offense. It got a laugh out of Chris and the man wrapped him up in a hug that he returned just as enthusiastically. “I ask myself the same thing every day,” he said with far more honestly than he intended. “Where’s Phil at?”

“Got roped into a surgery. He made it very clear though that I’m to bring home two slices of that cobbler, Leo.” Bones’ laughter rang through the apartment and he finally allowed the last of the tension to leave his shoulders as he joined in.

Dinner was relaxed and Spock expertly managed to get Chris and Bones to tell more stories of his days as a Starfleet Cadet. He was just thankful that none of them knew him before Chris found him in that Riverside bar. Those stories would stay with him until his grave, thank you very much. Before they could bust out Bones’ peach cobbler, his, Spock’s and Pike’s communicators beeped.

The three men stared at each other for a few heartbeats. “Well shit, that can’t be a good sign,” Chris finally said as he pulled the message up. “Emergency session, Daystrom. That’s us, so suit up, boys.”

He hated that he had to yank on that ridiculous uniform again, but he was the flagship’s Captain and if he so much as had one hair out of place, he was sure Spock would flip his shit and the brass would rake him over the coals. Jesus, he spent too much time in Bones’ company. “Bones, you know you don’t have to come right?” he said as he finished dressing.

“I know, but what else have I got to do? Chekov’s off at the Sulus and it’s Scotty and Nyota’s date night. Plus, if we gotta head out when this is over, I might as well be nearby so we can get to the Enterprise quickly.”

Well, even he couldn’t argue with that kind of logic and Spock seemed pleased that Bones’ thought process for once aligned with his own.

Starfleet HQ usually buzzed with some kind of activity even in the middle of the night, however, there was a tension that saturated the air as the three of them walked into the main lobby. He noted several of the senior command teams from the other ships that were currently docked hurried towards the Daystrom conference room. “Hey I’m gonna go see if Phil has any idea of what’s goin’ on. Comm me when you two are done!”

The tension was significantly worse when they finally walked into the conference room, quite a few admirals sat on either side of Fleet Admiral Marcus, but he made sure to catch Chris’ eye before he and Spock took their seats.

“Thank you for convening on such short notice. By now, some of you have heard what happened in London. The target was a Starfleet archive,” as Marcus spoke, he shot Spock a look out of the corner of his eye. Even though he and Spock hadn’t bonded yet, he knew Spock’s thoughts were along the same line as his own. Why on Earth would anyone want to target an archive? It contained no information that wasn’t already public or declassified.

“Forty-two men and women are dead. One hour ago, I received a message from a Starfleet officer who confessed to carrying out this attack, that he was being forced to do it by this man, Commander John Harrison,” he looked down at the wreckage that the bomb inflicted.

Something wasn’t right.

“What’s in the bag?” he asked after it Marcus finished his briefing. Chris sent him a sharp look from where he sat between Komack and Marcus. “Just, why the archive?” he continued after he caught Spock’s gaze. “All this information is public record, and if he really wanted to damage Starfleet, this could just be the beginning.”

“The beginning of what, Mr. Kirk?”

As he shifted his gaze to Chris again, it seemed the man picked up on his train of thought as well. “Sir, in the event of an attack, protocol mandates that senior command gather captains and first officers at Starfleet HQ, right here. In this very room.”

Fuck, something definitely was off here.

“It is curious Harrison would commandeer a jumpship without warp capabilities -”

The room filled with red light. Shit. Shit, why didn’t he interrupt Marcus the moment he said an archive was attacked. He knew then that couldn’t be Harrison’s last move and as he shouted “Clear the room!” it was too late. The glass wall shattered from the force of the phaser fire and all hell broke loose. Despite the fact they were senior officers, trained to deal with combat situations, he knew several of them hadn’t seen a firefight in years.

He had to stop Harrison before someone died.

Spock remained close on his heels and he shouted “Cover me!” over the chaos. His soulmate nodded and he said a silent thank you to whatever being determined soulmates that he wound up with one that was Vulcan. He scooped up a phaser rifle off the ground and ran out of the room and into the hallway. Panic stricken faces pressed towards the conference room in an attempt to take out Harrison or regain control of the room itself, which of course, he knew would be futile when you had to dodge fucking phaser fire.

The windows shattered as he took shot after shot at the ship Harrison had stolen, but when it had little effect, frustration built up in his veins.

Think, just fucking think.  

The next few minutes seemed to both pass in a wild blur and move far too slow as he watched the emergency firehose and subsequent panel rip from the wall and destroy one of Harrison’s engines. He stood there and watched as Harrison, somehow, fucking beamed out before his ship fell in a fiery crash on the ground several floors below. Rage swept through him, blinding and hot, as he realized the man managed to escape. “Jim!” Bones’ voice was panicked, and he shook his head at his soulmate and Phil when they ran towards him and the conference room. “I’m alright Bones, but you better get in there.” Both men nodded at him as they passed and he followed right on their heels.

Please don’t let there be anyone dead, fuck, he couldn’t handle that right now.

Immediately, his eyes sought out Spock and eventually found him kneeled next to a man in the wreckage. The subtle, but pained look on his soulmate’s face caused his heart to race in his chest. Spock wouldn’t express himself like that unless something truly upset him. Before he could move towards Spock, Bones and Phil dropped to their knees beside him.

He faltered when he drew closer and saw Chris on the ground, a hole in his chest. He must’ve made a noise because Spock looked up sharply and before his soulmate could tell him what Chris’ fate was, Philip Boyce made a noise that could only be described as a broken, heart-wrenching sob.

“No,” he whispered as he stumbled backward.

Bones was shouting into his communicator while he had one hand pressed to the hole in Chris’ chest to slow the bleeding. Spock’s face was grim as he stood and walked over to where Jim remained frozen in horror. “He’s not going to make it, is he?” The question fell from his lips before he could really register them, but Spock’s visible hesitation to respond was answer enough.

Jim Kirk was never meant to have a father in his life. Not in this universe, at least.

Tears slid freely down his cheeks as he dropped down to his knees beside Phil. Bones stared numbly at his hands drenched in Chris’ blood but they could all see that Christopher Pike’s chest had stilled. He had expected grief to overtake him and leave him to drown in its misery, but all he felt was shock. This couldn’t have happened, this had to be a nightmare that Bones and Spock would wake him from any second now.

“I’m so sorry, Phil, Jim. He’s gone.”

His fingers curled into the fabric of Chris’ admiral uniform while Phil sobbed into Chris’ neck. More doctors arrived only two minutes later and he was gently pried away from his father’s body by Spock who then led him out of the conference room. Dimly, he was aware Bones remained behind to check on the other wounded and Phil lashed out at whoever tried to remove him from Chris’ side.

Eventually, there would be a debriefing, but it wouldn’t be until the morning at the earliest. He wondered what he could have done differently, what could have possibly saved Chris’ life because fuck, the man who had taken him in as his own flesh and blood didn’t deserve to die like that.

What must’ve been hours later, he found himself cradled between his soulmates and he knew silent tears continued to slide out of the corner of his eyes. None of them slept and he somehow managed to remember that Nyota and Chekov were asleep on his couch, there to offer their silent support in the face of another one of his losses.

Spock was the first to leave in the morning, called away to recount the events that occurred to the brass that hadn’t been able to make the meeting. Bones was next, needed at Starfleet Med even though he only just left the damn place only four hours previous.

Nyota and Chekov didn’t say a word to him when he emerged from the bedroom not long after Bones left. They had made a simple breakfast and as he sat down at his table, he noticed that Sulu and Ben had dropped off some flowers. He stared at them numbly and it wasn’t until his communicator chirped that he came back to himself. “Captain, Mr. Scott has discovered something in the wreckage from Harrison’s ship. He has asked to see us right away.”

Chekov scooped up the plate that was in front of him before he could move. “Don’t worry, Keptain, I will clean up. Go see what Mr. Scott found.”

The numbness wore away into fury by the time Scotty finished telling him how Harrison got away. He knew where Marcus would be, and even Spock must’ve seen the expression on his face, because his soulmate didn’t utter a word to stop him as he barged into a meeting that clearly was in progress. There was an empty chair next to Komack and Barnett and his heart squeezed painfully when he realized that was where Chris would’ve sat.

“Admiral, sir, he’s not on Earth,” he said quickly before they could try to dismiss him. “He’s on Qo'noS. I request your permission to go after him.”

Marcus stared at him, and for a split second, he thought he would have to commandeer the Enterprise and hunt that bastard Harrison down without the ‘Fleet’s permission. “Clear the room and give us a minute.”

Spock remained silent beside him and he knew, even without a bond in place, that his soulmate was angry about Chris’ murder, though it was far more controlled than his own. It was hard to wrap his mind around the fact that Chris sat in his home less than twenty-four hours ago and now, he was just gone. He would never get to invite Chris to his wedding to Bones and Spock, never ask him to stand beside him as best man and father, never get to tease him about being a grandfather when they finally decided to start a family (because fuck, he wanted one but now he couldn’t imagine kids with his soulmates without Chris there to scoop them up and tell them stories about how he got two of their dads to join).

A small voice in the back of his mind urged him to go check on Phil, to make sure the man didn’t try and follow Chris to wherever the hell they end up after death. It wasn’t that uncommon when a soulmate died too soon or senselessly for their other half still alive to just give up on carrying on.

“So, Harrison’s gone to the Klingon homeworld. Is he defecting?”

It took a remarkable sense of strength in his current state not to snap at Marcus for wasting time pointing out the obvious and irrelevant. “We’re not sure, sir.”

“He’s taken refuge in the Ketha Province, a region uninhabited for decades.”

As Marcus walked toward his desk, Jim felt the gentle caress of Spock’s hand on his back as they followed. A reminder that he was not alone and he shot Spock a brief, if not grim, smile as Marcus explained how he believed that war with the Klingons was inevitable. If it had been any other day, if Chris hadn’t died, he might have argued against the train of thought, but nothing else really mattered other than taking Harrison down.

Nothing mattered outside getting justice for his father.

“As part of our defensive strategy, 31 developed a new photon torpedo. Long range and untraceable, it would be invisible to Klingon sensors. I don't want you hurt, but I want to take him out. You park on the edge of the Neutral Zone, you lock onto Harrison's position, you fire, you kill him and you haul ass.”

That was all the permission he needed. “Yes, sir.”

 

◎

 

When he was a child, he would often question how soulmates were decided among humanoid species in the Federation. It became clear when he was twelve Vulcan years old that no scientific data had been discovered that pointed to the source or reasoning behind soul marks.

That particular realization unsettled him, especially considering how Vulcan’s prided themselves on their scientific advancements and discoveries. (Perhaps, the only area where Vulcan’s as a whole would freely admit to feeling emotion.) There were many humanoid civilizations that began even before the Reformation on Vulcan and yet no one had come any closer to answers.

And as he watched Jim fall apart before his very eyes in the aftermath of Christopher Pike’s death, his thoughts drifted back to the early years of his life. How was he one of two beings in the whole universe uniquely equipped to love and support the man before him? What had been the deciding factors in giving him two human soulmates who were unapologetically emotional and illogical?

What did he have to offer Jim Kirk that would assist him emotionally when faced with yet another loss?

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Leonard said to him quietly as Jim changed. They were set to disembark for the Enterprise from Hangar Bay 3 in thirty-one point two minutes and Jim’s movements in their room were hurried.

When Jim slammed their bedroom door, he stepped aside as Jim barrelled into their study. “It is quite unsettling that Admiral Marcus is condemning a man to die without a proper trial.”

While it was clear that Leonard had not meant Admiral Marcus’ decision when he first spoke, his soulmate did not have the chance to correct him before Jim looked at them with what could only be characterized as a ‘wild’ look in his eyes. Once more, he found himself illogically wishing that he had a bond with Jim so that he could use it to assist his soulmate in calming his mind and bringing it back to some kind of order.

“Status report, Mr. Spock.”

He hesitated only for zero point six seconds and had anticipated Jim to notice. When he did not, he said, “The Enterprise should be ready for launch by the time we arrive.”

The more he observed Jim in the wake of Christopher Pike’s death, it was clear that his soulmate was emotionally compromised for the mission at hand. Conflicted, he debated within the confines of his mind whether or not he should insist Jim remove himself from command. After several scenarios played out in his mind, he decided removing Jim from command would not be the best course of action. Which left him with only one course of action at present. “As your First Officer, it is my duty to strongly object to our mission parameters.”

Jim’s expression did not change so he continued speaking, “There is no Starfleet regulation that condemns a man to die without a trial, something you and Admiral Marcus are forgetting. Also, preemptively shooting torpedoes at the Klingon homeworld is against -”

“You said yourself the area’s uninhabited. There’s only going to be one casualty. And in case you weren’t listening, our orders have nothing to do with Starfleet regulations.”

Leonard shifted in his seat for the fifth time since their conversation started and Jim appeared to notice this as well. “Spit it out, Bones.”

“Look, I want this Harrison bastard to pay for what he did to Chris. But Jim...this isn’t the way to get justice for him. You know he wouldn’t want you to fire at the Klingons or kill a man in his name. This isn’t right.”

The last word Leonard spoke seemed to agitate Jim further and he repressed a sigh. “Captain, our mission could start a war with the Klingons and it is, by its very definition, immoral,” he said in hopes that what was said between himself and Leonard would ‘drive the point home’ as they would say in Human vernacular.

He caught Leonard’s gaze when Jim did not respond to their arguments right away and just as his soulmate opened his mouth to no doubt refute both of them, a blond Human woman walked up to Jim with a PADD clasped firmly in her hand. “Captain Kirk, Science Officer Wallace. I’ve been assigned to the Enterprise by Admiral Marcus. These are my transfer orders.”

In that very moment, he could not deny the fact he was shocked at the Officer Wallace’s words. “You requested an additional science officer, Captain?”

Jim’s tight smile did nothing to alleviate his emotional relapse. “I wish I had. Lieutenant Carol Wallace. Doctorate in applied physics specializing in advanced weaponry.”

He was certain if his mother was present, she would say the emotion he felt was jealousy the moment he said, “Impressive credentials.”

Leonard appeared to come to a similar conclusion when he felt his soulmate’s hand squeeze his briefly, but long enough, that he experienced Leonard’s sympathy and support through the contact. “Have a seat, Doctor.”

As Doctor Wallace sat in the row behind himself, Leonard, and Jim, he found it curious that the Admiral would assign an advanced weaponry specialist to the Enterprise simply for the photon torpedoes. Unless there was more to the photon torpedoes than Admiral Marcus had divulged to himself and Jim. It was clear he would need to investigate this matter further.

Mr. Scott’s voice carried through the engineering department and he could immediately hear the aggravation in the man’s voice. “No! I’m not signing anything! Now, get these bloody things off my ship! Captain!”

Silently, he agreed with Mr. Scott’s initial reaction but he kept the words to himself. It would serve no purpose to agitate Jim even further and he was certain Leonard would be displeased with him if he did. “Is there a problem, Mr. Scott?”

“Aye, sir. I was just explaining to this gentleman that I cannae authorize any weapons on board this ship without knowing what’s inside of them.”

Interesting.

“Mr. Scott raises yet another point that the -”

“Report to the Bridge.”

He was reluctant to do so in Jim’s current state of mind, however, he was unable to conjure a reason to remain by Jim’s side in a professional capacity. Leonard did not appear pleased with his dismissal either as they left the engineering department. At the junction that would lead himself to the Bridge and Leonard to the Medbay, they paused. “You try and find out what’s on those torpedoes, Spock. Whenever the brass is that tight lipped about somethin’, it’s never good.”

Over the last one point one two years that he has come to know Leonard, he had discovered that, while his soulmate was prone to emotional outbursts that were unnecessary, there was logical reasoning beneath it all that he had not anticipated. “While not how I would have worded it, I agree that whatever is being hidden from us likely will not benefit the Enterprise in this mission.”

Leonard rolled his eyes, as was expected when he ‘poked fun at’ his soulmate’s syntax. He knew at this point in their relationship, that his soulmate meant his eye roll affectionately. “Comm me if you need me to come up there and knock some sense into Jim,” he said as he reached out and stroked his index and middle fingers along Spock’s.

“It is unlikely that ‘knocking some sense’ into Jim will be effective, however, I will ‘keep it in mind’ as you would say,” he replied. Softening his tone had the desired results when Leonard smiled before he removed his fingers from his own and walked away.

The Bridge was silent as he walked out of the turbolift and it was disconcerting as he sat at his station next to Nyota. The crew was mainly made up of Humans, and, as he had come to discover during his career as a Starfleet Officer, even when there was no discussion among crew members on the Bridge it was never totally silent. Even Ensign Chekov did not hum under his breath as he was prone to do when there was no conversation and nothing for him to actively do.

As he turned to fully look at the readings on his station, he noted Lieutenant Sulu’s concerned expression in the peripheral of his vision, but when he turned back to inquire about his emotional well-being, Mr. Sulu had turned to speak to Mr. Chekov.

It took ten point nine eight minutes for him to discover that Doctor Wallace was not who she claimed to be nor that she was transferred to the Enterprise on her father’s orders as she previously stated. Regulation was clear in the course of action that should be taken against officers who attempted to falsify Starfleet documents, but Jim’s expression when he walked onto the Bridge halted that particular thought process.

His concern over Jim’s state of mind only increased when his soulmate did not look over at his station as was customary and Nyota shared a brief, concerned, but sad look with him before she moved to her station and he followed Jim’s movements.

“Mr. Chekov. You’ve been shadowing Mr. Scott, you are familiar with the engineering systems of this ship?”

“Affirmative, sir.”

“Good. You’re my new Chief. Go put on a red shirt.”

The only logical explanation that he could conclude was that Mr. Scott had either resigned or been transferred off the Enterprise by Jim for his refusal to sign off on the torpedoes. If that was the case, it would explain the sadness he noted from Nyota.

If Jim was in his proper state of mind, Spock was certain his soulmate would consider every event that lead to this moment as a ‘bad omen’.

“Alright, let’s ride.”

The silence on the Bridge persisted, and if Jim noted the lack of excited murmur that usually followed his order to go to warp, he did not show any outward signs. Despite the fact he had several readings that needed his attention on his screens, he could not remove his gaze from the back of Jim’s head as if he could simply will his soulmate to reconsider the murder he was about to commit.

“Channel open sir.”

He noted an uncharacteristic two point three second pause before Jim began to speak. “Attention, crew of the Enterprise. As most of you know, Christopher Pike, former captain of this ship and our friend, is dead. The man who killed him has fled our system and is hiding on the Klingon homeworld, somewhere he believes we are unwilling to go. We are on our way there now. Per Admiral Marcus, it is essential that our presence go undetected. Tensions between the Federation and the Klingon Empire have been high. Any provocation could lead to an all-out war.”

When Jim’s gaze found his own, he was admittedly relieved to see the fury and grief that previously occupied his expression had diminished. He knew, however, that those feelings were not entirely gone, but it was a relief all the same to see Jim had managed to find some control in their wake. “I will personally lead a landing party to an abandoned city on the surface of Qo’noS where we will capture the fugitive, John Harrison, and return him to Earth so he can face judgement for his actions. All right. Let's go get this son of a bitch. Kirk out.”

While not the entire abandonment of Admiral Marcus’ immoral mission, he would not remind Jim that stepping foot onto the Klingon homeworld was still considered an act of war. “Captain, I believe you have made the right decision. I will be happy to accompany you on the away team.”

He could see that Jim wanted to argue with him on that point but his soulmate knew when he would not be swayed in his decision. “Thank you, Mr. Spock.”

“If there is no need for me currently on the Bridge, there is a matter I must attend to.”

Jim waved him away as his soulmate focused his gaze out the main viewscreen. “You’re free to go, Spock. I’ll let you know when we’ve parked at the edge of the neutral zone.”  

As he makes his way to the Payload Bay, he notes the silence on the Bridge punctuated the corridors of the Enterprise as well. While he knew the crew respected Jim and understood the grief that he certainly felt, it is apparent they are also unsure about warping willingly towards Klingon territory.

Dr. Marcus was right where he had suspected she would be. He observed her scan the torpedoes, the way her brow dipped in a similar way to Leonard’s when he was faced with a particularly confusing medical case. Curious.

It took two point three minutes for Dr. Marcus to notice his presence and he did not apologize for what Leonard and Jim like to call his ‘ninja abilities’. “What are you doing, Doctor?”

Her movements suggested that she was both nervous and confused when she turned to face him fully. When her answer did not come swiftly, he straightened his back until he stood at his full height. A tactic he learned during his time as an instructor at the Academy when certain students were particularly difficult in the face of his Vulcan heritage.

It had the desired effect when she finally spoke. “Verifying the torpedoes internal -”

“You misunderstand. What are you doing aboard this ship? There is no record of you being assigned to the Enterprise.”

If Jim had bore witness to this exchange, he could say with near certainty that Jim would tell him he was being obtuse on purpose. While he may apply such a habit with Leonard during their debates to get a ‘rise’ out of him, he had simply believed that should he give Dr. Marcus the opportunity to come clean, she would take it. A miscalculation on his part.

So, when she claimed it must be a mistake, he was unable to find a record of her transfer it was clear she would not come clean herself. Very well. “My conclusion as well, Doctor Marcus. Except that you have lied about your identity. Wallace is the surname of your mother. I can only assume the Admiral is your father.”

Dr. Marcus’ expression could only be described as fearful and stricken. “Please, he can’t know I’m here -”

That was already clear to himself when she decided to board the Enterprise under a different surname, but before she could finish speaking they were violently thrown to the ground as the ship dropped out of warp.

He did not spare a glance over at Dr. Marcus to ensure she was unharmed before he rose back to his feet and walked quickly to the nearest turbolift that would take him to the Bridge. He arrived three point one six minutes later. Leonard descended upon him as soon as the doors shut behind him, tricorder in his hand. “I am fine, Leonard. I was merely thrown to the ground. What caused us to drop out of warp, Captain?”

Jim’s expression also held hints of relief once his soulmate had attained his well-being with his own eyes. “Coolant leak, Mr. Chekov had to drop us out manually.”

An unsettled feeling settled within his chest as he read the Enterprise’s current coordinates on the viewscreen. “We are in enemy space -”

“I'm sure Engineering will have us all patched up by the time we get back,  isn’t that right, Mr. Chekov?”  

Leonard’s grip on his wrist tightened at Jim’s words, and if he was prone to Human mannerisms when faced with difficult and stressful situations, he would have likely returned the gesture. However, since he is not, he merely shifted his arm until Leonard’s fingers slipped under the fabric of his shirt and he could push a sense of calm through the contact.

Jim did not appear to notice as he turned to Mr. Sulu. “Mister Sulu, you have the conn. Once we're en route, I want you to transmit a targeted comm burst to Harrison's location. You tell him you have a bunch of real big torpedoes pointed at his head and if he doesn't play nice, you're not afraid to use them.”

Despite his internal clock, even he found it hard to believe that less than twenty-four hours ago his soulmate had merely been upset over the loss of the five-year mission. The man who faced Mr. Sulu was not a version of his soulmate he had ever been privy to before.

As Jim moved back towards them, he felt Leonard’s anxiety spike through their touch and was not surprised when he said, “Jim, wait. You just sat that man down at a high stakes poker game with no cards and told him to bluff. Now, Sulu's a good man, but he is no captain.”

It was a testament to the unrighteousness of their mission when Jim’s appeared annoyed at Leonard’s metaphor and he found its use a rather apt way to describe their situation. “Enough with the metaphors, Bones!”

He felt how Jim’s words hurt Leonard before he turned his gaze to catch the expression shutter across his soulmate’s face. “Mr. Sulu, make sure that K'normian ship is ready to fly.”

Leonard’s grip on his wrist tightened as his soulmate’s free hand reached out to Jim as he passed by them. “Jim, I know you’re hurtin’ and you’re angry but...please, be careful down there.”

When Jim’s expression softened, he was pleased to feel that Leonard was not as distressed, though worry and fear still churned below the surface. “We will do our best to ensure we return to you unharmed, Leonard,” he said as he stepped out of Leonard’s grip.

“Lieutenant Uhura, how is your Klingon?”

“It's rusty, but it's good.”

“Good, you’re coming too.”

There was nothing more he could do other than to assist Jim in his attempt to successfully capture John Harrison on the Klingon homeworld without being discovered as Starfleet officers and beginning a war. As he calculated the odds of their success when he changed out of his uniform, he grew more concerned.

A ten point six eight percent chance of success was not a ‘good sign’ as his soulmates would say.

He was inclined to agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two of Into Darkness should be up within a week. :) 
> 
> And just because I can, I just want to say thank you again for not only reading this fic of mine, but taking the time to comment and leave kudos. Each and every one puts a smile on my face. Y'all are the best readers and I love you dearly!!
> 
> Until next time <3


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